There are many things in life that we need to learn to let go of. It is a never ending process throughout our lives - needing to let go of situations, memories, things and people. Sometimes we even need to let go of ourselves, let go of who we planned to be, or who we think we are, in order to accommodate change and inner growth. We all seem to experience quite a bit of this in our lives and know how hard it sometimes can be.
Letting go in its self implies that we are holding onto something. We are holding on, it's not holding us, not sticking to us, not glued to us. Letting go IS the solution, we’d be rid of whatever uncomfortable feelings we’re experiencing... yet we linger longer in the "holding onto". Why?
Holding onto something already known appears safer. At least I know it already; at least this horrible feeling I am having is nothing new, I know it. The known, no matter how difficult or uncomfortable, offers a safety net, whereas letting go....no idea where that will take me. What happens then, when I’ve let go? The space left over is empty; there is nothing there automatically filling it when the letting go has taken place. This seems to be extremely threatening to us.
Empty space. Free energy. Spare time. This should excite us, but it seldom does. It implies becoming active, it is I who needs to fill it. And so, I feel, we have the crux of the matter. The fear is to be active, creatively forming who and where we are in our lives. It boils down to have the “creator power”, the realisation that we are both created and creator, at the same time. What we create is what we experience.
It’s a lot easier to just leave it all up to circumstances, bad luck, out of my power. In that we hold no responsibility. To become active is also to take responsibility. And thus by learning to let go, we learn to be responsible for filling all the gaps, all the open spaces, all the undirected energy. It means we become creator of what is.
How to let go? This is difficult to describe. What works for one person, does not necessarily work for another. I personally may go through a tense period of almost letting go but still holding on, walking on the edge so to say. It is excruciating, a horrible space to be in. I feel like I sway from one side to the other; from letting go to holding on; from open expectation of something unknown to the trustful known; from insecurity to security.
This in itself is a very tantric process. Experiencing the polarities of your inner experience and swaying from one side to the other in full awareness of exactly where you are energetically. For me it is like the swaying becomes faster and faster as my awareness reduces the distance between the two opposite poles, faster and faster until it is a simple vibration. Zizzzzzzzzz....and then that nothing; the space appears to simply be there. Looking back to what I was holding onto now appears weird perhaps. I was holding on to THAT? Strange, it feels so different now. And life continues. If our awareness was totally spot on, we will now fill the space with something else, with creativeness, with the energy of who we really are.
Unfortunately, many of us don’t go through this process. We end up imagining we’ve let go when all we’ve done is immediately picked up something else to hold on to it inexactly the same way. It takes courage to move across the edge, to take sides with the openness, with the space. I encourage you all, who are holding on to something you know you need to let go of, to take that step. And then, start creating in the void, in the space that has been left. Become the creator of the created. It is actually wonderful!
Julia Butterfly Hill puts it beautifully:
“As I started to picture the trees in the storm, the answer began to dawn on me. The trees in the storm don't try to stand up straight and tall and erect. They allow themselves to bend and be blown with the wind. They understand the power of letting go. Those trees and those branches that try too hard to stand up strong and straight are the ones that break.”
And in the words of Anaïs Nin:
“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
I wish all of us a blossoming of self, an opening and blooming of many buds in our lives. I wish us all the courage to become what we are, what we have been all the time. As a result of holding on so tight, we have not noticed that it is all already there! Our fear is unwarranted. Whatever it is we need to let go of, the new is already there. All we need is the space to feel it, to experience it, to become it.
Namaste
Leandra
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