On my last trip back from JHB to the KZN south coast I remembered something my friend Wolf had said on his very first trip through our South African country side after arriving at JHB airport. Perhaps you recall, I mentioned Wolf in my journal and said we would be hearing more from him…? Well what he said was: “The cows are so small here….” I asked what he meant and after thinking for a while, he said…” oh no, it’s the landscape that is so vast!” I had done this trip so many times and not noticed that. Remembering the fields in between the many villages along any German country road, I could recall how much larger the cows seemed to be. Looking at our huge open space – especially as one drives through the Free State – the cows seemed minute. There is this vast openness with seemingly nothing in it except space, much space and here and there some cows or an equally small tree and then later the strange looking table-top-mountains – beautiful space.
What does this tell us? Well that how something appears to one is all about perspective. I used to use the concept of perspective as a therapeutic tool in my art therapy work. Sometimes a client would have painted something and not been able to relate to it. I would then say something like this: “…what if you were to close in on your image…move closer to what you have painted, would you see more details…?” And then I would encourage the client to paint from a closer perspective. Invariably the details would appear. This could be done with any part of the painting, sometimes creating a number of details which and we could proceed by puzzling the pieces of information together.
There is of course the other way around too. Sometimes the client was too close to something and it created apprehension or fear. Or it was equally unclear exactly what it meant. I would then say: “…move further away, see what is below, above and to the left and right of what you have painted….what do you see then?” And I would encourage them to paint the bigger picture, the bigger perspective.
This simple method of questioning would literally put things into perspective. Too close and too far away can be confusing and finding the “right” perspective to understand things is so important. It is the same story with the glass half filled with water – it can be either half full or half empty, depending on how you perceive it. So the minute cows in the vast landscape are not really smaller than the cows of Germany, they only appear so in this specific landscape.
This brings to mind how South Africans talk about their country. So many of us tend to focus on what is not right, not working, the problems, the terrible stories they have to tell. And yet, there is another side – the side of all the wonderful positive things we have to be grateful for. This applies to our personal lives in the very same way. Try it! Think about all that you have instead of what you don’t have and focus on that. In Germany (as in any other countries) there are many, many things that are bad, things that people do not like and this includes terrible crimes as well as things that the German government is not getting right. But one difference I notice is that they, as a people, do not focus so much on the negative aspects of their country. It does actually make a difference to the general atmosphere as well as to personal experience.
I want to tell you about an experience I had during my trip to JHB at the end of my daughter’s 2 week holiday in South Africa. I met a lovely young fellow in the Drakensberg where I stayed over with my daughter and her boyfriend. Matthias Lause, a blond 26 year old German was on the last leg of his 9 month journey of his Tractor-World-Tour for CLASS CAREs, a welfare organisation collecting funds for children in Lesotho. He had spent a few days in Durban waiting for his tractor to arrive by boat and did a scuba diving course. On the course he met 3 guys from JHB who each told him horrific stories of murders and hijackings that they had heard about or personally experienced. They painted a very bleak picture of the big city.
I had gone to bed leaving my daughter and her boyfriend chatting with Matthias in the hotel bar and the next morning I found a very changed boyfriend. He was nervous. We were on our way to JHB where we wanted to spend a couple of days before their flight back to Germany. We intended on going to the theatre as well as visiting some other interesting places in JHB. He was remarking on how terrible JHB is and was actually quite anxious. My daughter, thank goodness, was more relaxed as they both told me what Matthias had related to them about the storied he had heard. The barman at the hotel also had his share to fill in on the picture and all of a sudden there was this fear in the air about JHB. It took me quite a while to put things into the picture again – into perspective in order for them to relax about the days we would spend in the city.
Yes, there is a lot to be afraid of as bad things are happening on a large scale. But there is also a lot to love about JHB. I love JHB for many reasons. To me, it is the city of the most integration, it holds the wealth of our country, the warm-heartedness, the multi-culture not only of black and white but also of English and Afrikaans and other cultures – very similar to the large cities like Berlin, Hamburg and Cologne in Germany. It is the city with the most culture ….and much, much more.
We need to think about what kind of energy we are putting out there when we focus on bad stuff. I am not saying that it should not be mentioned and certainly not suggesting sweeping these things under the carpet. On the contrary. It needs our attention and it is the quality of energy we give to this attention that I want to address. What I am suggesting is that it is equally important to focus on the positive things to tell about our lives - and our country. We need to learn that. Why? Well not simply to paint a good picture of the place we live and earn our livings in, but for ourselves, for our personal well being, for what we expect in life, for what we expect for our country.
It is all about energy….the energy we present, the energy we expose others to, the energy we hold within our hearts.
Many of you will have seen the movie “The Secret” and heard about the universal Law of Attraction. If you are able to understand that we all boil down to energy vibrating or resonating at frequencies we ourselves create (don’t believe me, look into Quantum Physics to learn more about this) you will understand that we create what we hold within ourselves, what we are giving out. Our output becomes our input. So this is actually a really important thing – to put out more of what we want to actually experience. As I said earlier, it is all a matter of perspective. No need to pretend the badness is not there…it is much more a matter of taking into account and focusing on the goodness that is in our lives. It is about expecting the best while giving our best, knowing that we create our experience of things to come.
On this note, I would like to mention something really wonderful I discovered in JHB. It is something everyone I know in JHB complains about – the traffic and the electrical failures! The occasion was a peak hour trip to the shopping mal in the rain and the traffic lights were not working. It was total madness….BUT, it worked like a dream - no traffic flow would have functioned in any of the big cities I visited in Germany in this manner. The drivers all put into place the rule for 4-way stop streets: first come, first to leave. Yes, it was slow but ALL the traffic lights I drove through functioned in this way. Traffic was slow moving, but it moved – quite unlike the jams I had encountered in a similar situation in Hamburg, Germany. Everyone drove into the middle of the cross road until no one could move at all until the traffic police arrived - and then it took a long time to get it all sorted out. Germany does not have the 4-way stop street thing. They did not know how to deal with the situation. The drivers were equally mad, equally in a rush, and equally aggressive and it showed.
In the situation I was in, I am sure that the drivers were swearing about both the traffic and the electrical problems of the city, but the traffic still flowed. I sat in my car in wondrous appreciation of our 4-way stop street training and how our drivers were able to cope.
Why am I writing all this? It touched me deeply to see the result of the horrific stories in my daughter's boyfriend. He felt uncomfortable, I felt uncomfortable, and so did my daughter. All we wanted was to have a good time in JHB and that seemed in jeopardy. I feel strongly about the country of my birth - and I do this having lived away for so long. I remember the deep longing to be home. And I am very aware of the fact that the grass is by no means greener on the other side. As a student I had fought for the change in South Africa and as an adult well on in my life, I feel a great sadness about the unending problems we are encountering presently. I am however deeply happy to be here. I find something here that helps me feel whole - be it the sunshine, the fact that when it rains it really does rain, the vast landscapes, the huge waves of the Indian Ocean or the wonderful warm, friendly, and happy people here. There is a happiness here that I only could perceive after living overseas for so long. I did not find this there, ever - and that is an honest statement.
To all of you out there, take some time to think about perspective. Go a little closer if you need more detail and a little further away if you want the bigger picture. And remember too that you attract into your life what you think, feel, and do. If you want more of something else, then you do really need to give and at the same time expect more of that in your life. And remember to send out the message of what you want to receive. You are like a magnet attracting to your life what you hold within yourself. I have known about this phenomenon for such a long time now - not just since The Secret movie. I've lived by this for many, many years and I know that it is true, that it works.
On a personal level, I am taking some time out to catch up planning and also on writing after so many very busy months of Tantra Sacred Massage work – although, I must say, students at the coast are keeping me busy too! I am using this month of October to plan the workshops that the School of Durga Tantra will be offering next year as well as some organisational work for the National Institute of Tantra South Africa. There are new and interesting developments which you will be hearing about soon.
Until then, I wish all of you a wonderful spring season, much joy and love...and connectedness to the Greater One I love to call Existence.
Namaste
Leandra
PS if you would like to visit the website of the Tractor-World-Tour go to http://www.tractor-world-tour.com/
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Training has started
Just a quite note to say how thrilled I am that a number of students have taken on the Tantra Sacred Massage training process. This is joyous indeed and the work is progressing wonderfully. Up till now it is a number of men who have asked for training and for some of them it will be for their private use in their relationships. However some are interested in this healing work and some time in the future I will be able to announce on my website that certified Tantra Sacred Massage masseurs will be starting their work. So to all the women out there: in future you will also be able to work with a male coach. This is great as at some time along the path of the women coming to me for sessions it is necessary for the work to continue with the male energy present. The training for this work professionally is individual and the personal journey that the trainees are on will determine when they are ready.
There are a number of women interested in the training, however their journey to this work is slower. They are still busy considering, thinking about it and need this time to become clear. There seems to be more conditioning to overcome particularly here in South Africa. The stigma of being a "bad woman" is much stronger than in the case of males coming to this work - although they also have something similar to overcome, namely "what does this mean for my personal relationships, for my marriage?". I understand this fully. It is quite a step to take and requires a journey on the part of any partner too. Overcoming jealousy perhaps, or concern, or simply "what will our friends think?” In this way both partners will benefit by "riding the tantric tiger", by taking a journey into the unknown, by embracing changes and a deeper level of trust in their partners and what they share in life.
I am willing and interested in meeting the partners of trainees. I think this is important that they know who I am, hear something about the work and particularly the high ethics involved. I am happy to involve them to some degree in the training process and I hope some will make use of this.
So really, all I wanted to do is share my joy with you all about this development. And also my deep gratitude to Klaus Smeds, my trainer and director of the school in Germany where I trained, for opening up the possibility for those who undergo the training to receive an international certification.
I miss Klaus and his wife Barbara. I had intended doing the Lomi Lomi Neu training with Barbara this year some time during our winter. Changes in my life are preventing me from going to Germany this year. However, time is relative really, and when the time is right I will be able to go. In the mean time, there is so much to do here, so many seeking people coming to my work, to Tantra, to the massages and to Tantra coaching.
For this I am here. I feel this was always my destiny - if one can say that at all, as Existence leads us and I do not know where I will be led next. What I do know is that I grow with each person I see. I grow into the work, I grow personally, I grow in Spirit, and I grow in Love. There actually is no word for this feeling of gratitude and joy inside of me - it is simply there.
Namaste
Leandra
There are a number of women interested in the training, however their journey to this work is slower. They are still busy considering, thinking about it and need this time to become clear. There seems to be more conditioning to overcome particularly here in South Africa. The stigma of being a "bad woman" is much stronger than in the case of males coming to this work - although they also have something similar to overcome, namely "what does this mean for my personal relationships, for my marriage?". I understand this fully. It is quite a step to take and requires a journey on the part of any partner too. Overcoming jealousy perhaps, or concern, or simply "what will our friends think?” In this way both partners will benefit by "riding the tantric tiger", by taking a journey into the unknown, by embracing changes and a deeper level of trust in their partners and what they share in life.
I am willing and interested in meeting the partners of trainees. I think this is important that they know who I am, hear something about the work and particularly the high ethics involved. I am happy to involve them to some degree in the training process and I hope some will make use of this.
So really, all I wanted to do is share my joy with you all about this development. And also my deep gratitude to Klaus Smeds, my trainer and director of the school in Germany where I trained, for opening up the possibility for those who undergo the training to receive an international certification.
I miss Klaus and his wife Barbara. I had intended doing the Lomi Lomi Neu training with Barbara this year some time during our winter. Changes in my life are preventing me from going to Germany this year. However, time is relative really, and when the time is right I will be able to go. In the mean time, there is so much to do here, so many seeking people coming to my work, to Tantra, to the massages and to Tantra coaching.
For this I am here. I feel this was always my destiny - if one can say that at all, as Existence leads us and I do not know where I will be led next. What I do know is that I grow with each person I see. I grow into the work, I grow personally, I grow in Spirit, and I grow in Love. There actually is no word for this feeling of gratitude and joy inside of me - it is simply there.
Namaste
Leandra
Saturday, April 28, 2007
On reacting, responding and witnessing…
Sometimes I am asked how I deal with everyday things - you know, the kind of mishaps, hurts, frustrations etc. that occur regularly in anyone’s life? What friends want to know is how does my dealing with these matters differ from my pre-Tantra lifestyle. They notice that I have become somewhat different, I am the same, yet different. When I ask them what is different, they say you glow more, you seem so happy, contented, you don’t frown anymore …! They notice that I’ m not fazed by things that go wrong or people that do me wrong. So what is it, what has made this noticeable change? How do I deal with things that can so easily make a whole day go sour?
It is so simple – like everything about Truth once you have opened your perception to it. It is about responding instead of re-acting and it is about becoming a witness to the situation.
No one can explain it better than Osho:
“Have you seen a bullock-cart moving? The wheel moves goes on moving, but at the centre of the wheel something remains permanent. On that permanent hub the wheel moves. On that unmoving hub the wheel's movement exists. Exactly like that, you have a hub -- that hub is unmoving; and you have a wheel-like personality that goes on moving. You have travelled far, thousands of miles and thousands of lives, and the wheel knows many roads and many paths, but the hub has remained where it is. Now you can look at reality in two ways: either from the wheel -- then everything is changing every moment; or from the hub -- then nothing is changing….
How to find this hub of life? -- By becoming a witness, one finds it. Somebody insults you, anger arises; you remain a witness. The insult comes from outside, the anger arises on the periphery, and you remain at the centre, watching. Yes, somebody has done something, provoked your periphery, and there is anger on the periphery, and the anger is surrounding you like a smoke cloud, but you are at the hub, watching. You are not identified with the periphery. Then the insult is outside, and the anger is also outside of you. Both are separate and far away. Both are different from you....
When this awareness grows, dreaming stops, by and by. When this awareness grows, the wheel moves slower and slower. One day it happens: the wheel is as silent, as unmoving as the hub. That is the point when enlightenment happens.”
This is exactly what Tantra brought out in me more intensely than anything else I had tried in my life including lots of psychotherapy along my journey to becoming a therapist myself. It is to BE in the moment during my day. Not that I am claiming to be doing this 24/7, but I am in the moment as a witness as often as I can – the exact opposite to doing one thing and thinking of something else or to be mentally in the past or in the future, missing out the moment of time that has just passed.
Brenda Lee, the “little miss dynamite” singer of the 60's and 70's says it in a song quite nicely:
Coming on strong...coming on strong…
I can see the heartache coming on strong,
I can feel the tear drops, pain and sorrow
Ever since you’ve been gone
They’ve been coming on strong....
She is of course singing about a man who has gone out of her life and the feelings this gives her. If we translate the absence of the man to be the absence of knowledge of the Oneness of all Existence – then yes, we do feel the heartache, the tear drops, the pain and the sorrow and if we are a witness to this, we feel it coming on strong. We watch the automatically rising reaction and in doing so are able to transform them into a chosen response.
Now this in itself does not make those difficult everyday frustrations and hurts go away. And they do most certainly not feel any different! What it does is that it allows me to feel the moment more intensely. But, the friends argue, “...that only makes things worse!”
No it actually does not. More intensely means with more awareness. Being aware of the moment, any moment in time, makes each moment you are aware of more intense than the moments you are not aware of. On the one side experiencing the emotion of the moment deeply and clearly and on the other being a witness to my reactions.
When I look at the mighty Indian Ocean from my garden with awareness, I see the colour, I smell the scent, I hear the sound, I breath the salty air and one moment becomes a lifetime of pure bliss taking all this in.
Well, so also with the everyday frustrations. I breathe the moment, I smell it, hear it, perceive it with awareness and become a witness to a stage on which I am a puppet of my own conditioning. Once I have the “witness-perspective” on any aspect of my REACTING to things, it is as if I see beyond the puppet re-actions, beyond to the real heart- felt RESPONSE. These are two totally different things. Instead of simply re-acting an old emotion I become able to respond to the moment.
Even if I feel hurt, the response can be compassion for the person on the other side of the hurt. In my pre-Tantra days, I would have perceived the situation or the person involved in my moment to be the cause of my hurt. Tantra taught me to understand my reactions to be mine. I own them - they come from within, from somewhere deep inside me. Actually they have very little to do with the situation or the other person. The person or situation is simply a catalyser for the emotions I am feeling. I can actually be grateful for this catalysation as it gives me the opportunity to look, once again, at my reaction and see if this is really necessary. It is usually not necessary at all and so I can turn this into a response to the situation.
Just think of this: we grow up accumulating all sorts of experiences and together with the emotional result of these experiences in our individual selves, they are held somewhere in our mind and body memories. We consciously - and more often sub-consciously - call on these memories up when similar events occur and experience what we understand as our personal reactions to things. But is this really us? I say, “no it is not”! It is the result of a conditioned reaction to certain triggers. So understanding this as a mechanism of our human experience, it becomes possible to say, I own my reaction, it is the result of my experiences, my upbringing, my education, my culture – but this is not the real me. This creates a distance to the experienced emotion itself, and from this distance I am able to become a witness to the events and emotions that are taking place within.
So when we do this, we are able to watch the emotion rising and are more in a position to change that emotion and instead of re-acting in the usual way. We become able to respond (as opposed to react). Responding is a matter of choice and we always have a choice.
The “old” way of my anger or soreness projected onto the other becomes in this “new” way my own anger or soreness. There can be no judgment or blame on the other for causing this as it rises only from within myself. Recognizing this adds to the distancing, to the witnessing. I become able to watch as a feeling of rejection or hurt arises. When I watch this a number of things can happen. One of them is that more often or not I am able to laugh at myself. There that old hurt goes again, oh yes I know you, I feel you but I will not project you onto the other. Setting my projections free allows compassion for myself, and more particularly for the other to come through.
Personally I might be part of the situation while mentally I am witnessing it. I see not only the cause of my frustration, I see myself as intensely as all else. I see each second of my reaction, I see my perspective, where it comes from and if necessary, I am able to go right into the uncomfortable feeling in a very deep way. If this is what is in me at this present moment, I want to experience it. I want the fullness of this moment. Only if I can take the fullness of such difficult moments can I experience the fullness of the blissful moments in my life. It is the polarities once again, the one-ness perceived as a two-ness.
So if I make the appearance to my friends that I am happier, more joyful than I used to be – this is what it is. My experience of everything in my life is more intense. I do not push away the hurtful moments. I embrace them as mine and mine only – not caused by some one or some situation. It is always my choice as to how I respond instead of to automatically re-act to something.
Does this make life easier? Yes it does!
Does this make me happier? Yes it does!
Is this part of the Truth we are somehow all seeking? Yes it is!
To get back to the Brenda Lee song - we can "translate" the man that has gone from our lives to our experience of Oneness with all life, with all Existence, that has gone. In this we perceive you and me separate from each other. Only the Oneness has not left us stranded with hurt, we have left our natural perception of the eternal Oneness and have polarized into you and me, into opposites. In returning to the experience of Oneness, all these daily situations are simply showing us where we left the path, paving the way to return at the very same spot. And then the experience of Oneness, and non-separate-ness allows a response which includes compassion, understanding and even love Is this not wonderful? I say, indeed it is.
“The past is yours, the future is yours, and the present is God's. We divide time into three tenses -- past, present, future -- but that division is not right. Time can be divided between the past and the future but the present is not part of time, it is part of eternity.”
I want to share this response from one of my students to this journal entry with you!
The writer is the husband of a young couple with 4 young children that spent an intensive weekend of Tantra work here with my at the KZN south coast last year. It gives you an idea of what Tantra Sacred Massage can do and just how spiritual tantric healing massage / body-work is. Their names have been changed.
" I really enjoyed your latest message on your website and reading about all the latest developments. Its great to see that you are so active and productive!
About the 'turning wheel': In my childhood I was familiar with my 'witness'. I used to think up meditations that I would do at sunset every day and through them I became familiar with 'stilling my mind' and looking inside until I found the 'spark' with which I came into the world. At one point I had a particular name for this 'essence'; a colour, a sound, but now I've forgotten. I do remember the emotion that was there and it was one of completeness, harmony and love. I came into the world wishing it well.
At about the time just before I met Rosanna I completely lost this sense of me. I felt a huge loss, but I didn't even know why (I just thought it was the absence of the sea and not being able to surf for eight hours a day). Luckily I pushed through and now it is slowly all coming back.
It's true isn't it, that most people are simply actors in their own and others' melodramas. We are all victims of our own conditioning. Both society and we ourselves constrained our minds incredibly and the end result is that we become like ships lost in the turbulent seas of our emotions.
What I didn't realise before was exactly how insidious and how pervasive our thought-patterns are. Yoga shows you that action originates in thought, and strikingly Jesus had a similar view, saying that we should go beyond action and strive to cut out the roots of our evil thoughts. With a bit of effort we can cleanse our minds of negative energy and so we gain control of our development and start a positive process of spiritual growth, with increasing love and kindness for the world and ourselves . I think that all faiths contain this inherent possibility, that they can help us merge with 'God' within us, and then we will see that 'God' is also in the world and that both are one. Indeed all dualisms and the agony of separation is then overcome.
But it is so hard helping others to find their 'witness' isn't it? Especially if they are not seeking it. I suppose that it is a journey that each must undertake at their own pace (why the ancient Indians didn't have any 'missionary zeal'!) Luckily for me, Rosanna is also striving to hold on to her witness and to help her 'witness' grow. It takes a huge strain off our relationship, but at the same time I see the value of the period of my life when I had to confront my own emotions, and then just let them go and look inwards once more.
And in a big way the process for Rosanna, and the remembering for me, started that weekend with you.
Hope you continue to do such great work for a long time to come!"
Salvador
Namaste
Leandra
It is so simple – like everything about Truth once you have opened your perception to it. It is about responding instead of re-acting and it is about becoming a witness to the situation.
No one can explain it better than Osho:
“Have you seen a bullock-cart moving? The wheel moves goes on moving, but at the centre of the wheel something remains permanent. On that permanent hub the wheel moves. On that unmoving hub the wheel's movement exists. Exactly like that, you have a hub -- that hub is unmoving; and you have a wheel-like personality that goes on moving. You have travelled far, thousands of miles and thousands of lives, and the wheel knows many roads and many paths, but the hub has remained where it is. Now you can look at reality in two ways: either from the wheel -- then everything is changing every moment; or from the hub -- then nothing is changing….
How to find this hub of life? -- By becoming a witness, one finds it. Somebody insults you, anger arises; you remain a witness. The insult comes from outside, the anger arises on the periphery, and you remain at the centre, watching. Yes, somebody has done something, provoked your periphery, and there is anger on the periphery, and the anger is surrounding you like a smoke cloud, but you are at the hub, watching. You are not identified with the periphery. Then the insult is outside, and the anger is also outside of you. Both are separate and far away. Both are different from you....
When this awareness grows, dreaming stops, by and by. When this awareness grows, the wheel moves slower and slower. One day it happens: the wheel is as silent, as unmoving as the hub. That is the point when enlightenment happens.”
This is exactly what Tantra brought out in me more intensely than anything else I had tried in my life including lots of psychotherapy along my journey to becoming a therapist myself. It is to BE in the moment during my day. Not that I am claiming to be doing this 24/7, but I am in the moment as a witness as often as I can – the exact opposite to doing one thing and thinking of something else or to be mentally in the past or in the future, missing out the moment of time that has just passed.
Brenda Lee, the “little miss dynamite” singer of the 60's and 70's says it in a song quite nicely:
Coming on strong...coming on strong…
I can see the heartache coming on strong,
I can feel the tear drops, pain and sorrow
Ever since you’ve been gone
They’ve been coming on strong....
She is of course singing about a man who has gone out of her life and the feelings this gives her. If we translate the absence of the man to be the absence of knowledge of the Oneness of all Existence – then yes, we do feel the heartache, the tear drops, the pain and the sorrow and if we are a witness to this, we feel it coming on strong. We watch the automatically rising reaction and in doing so are able to transform them into a chosen response.
Now this in itself does not make those difficult everyday frustrations and hurts go away. And they do most certainly not feel any different! What it does is that it allows me to feel the moment more intensely. But, the friends argue, “...that only makes things worse!”
No it actually does not. More intensely means with more awareness. Being aware of the moment, any moment in time, makes each moment you are aware of more intense than the moments you are not aware of. On the one side experiencing the emotion of the moment deeply and clearly and on the other being a witness to my reactions.
When I look at the mighty Indian Ocean from my garden with awareness, I see the colour, I smell the scent, I hear the sound, I breath the salty air and one moment becomes a lifetime of pure bliss taking all this in.
Well, so also with the everyday frustrations. I breathe the moment, I smell it, hear it, perceive it with awareness and become a witness to a stage on which I am a puppet of my own conditioning. Once I have the “witness-perspective” on any aspect of my REACTING to things, it is as if I see beyond the puppet re-actions, beyond to the real heart- felt RESPONSE. These are two totally different things. Instead of simply re-acting an old emotion I become able to respond to the moment.
Even if I feel hurt, the response can be compassion for the person on the other side of the hurt. In my pre-Tantra days, I would have perceived the situation or the person involved in my moment to be the cause of my hurt. Tantra taught me to understand my reactions to be mine. I own them - they come from within, from somewhere deep inside me. Actually they have very little to do with the situation or the other person. The person or situation is simply a catalyser for the emotions I am feeling. I can actually be grateful for this catalysation as it gives me the opportunity to look, once again, at my reaction and see if this is really necessary. It is usually not necessary at all and so I can turn this into a response to the situation.
Just think of this: we grow up accumulating all sorts of experiences and together with the emotional result of these experiences in our individual selves, they are held somewhere in our mind and body memories. We consciously - and more often sub-consciously - call on these memories up when similar events occur and experience what we understand as our personal reactions to things. But is this really us? I say, “no it is not”! It is the result of a conditioned reaction to certain triggers. So understanding this as a mechanism of our human experience, it becomes possible to say, I own my reaction, it is the result of my experiences, my upbringing, my education, my culture – but this is not the real me. This creates a distance to the experienced emotion itself, and from this distance I am able to become a witness to the events and emotions that are taking place within.
So when we do this, we are able to watch the emotion rising and are more in a position to change that emotion and instead of re-acting in the usual way. We become able to respond (as opposed to react). Responding is a matter of choice and we always have a choice.
The “old” way of my anger or soreness projected onto the other becomes in this “new” way my own anger or soreness. There can be no judgment or blame on the other for causing this as it rises only from within myself. Recognizing this adds to the distancing, to the witnessing. I become able to watch as a feeling of rejection or hurt arises. When I watch this a number of things can happen. One of them is that more often or not I am able to laugh at myself. There that old hurt goes again, oh yes I know you, I feel you but I will not project you onto the other. Setting my projections free allows compassion for myself, and more particularly for the other to come through.
Personally I might be part of the situation while mentally I am witnessing it. I see not only the cause of my frustration, I see myself as intensely as all else. I see each second of my reaction, I see my perspective, where it comes from and if necessary, I am able to go right into the uncomfortable feeling in a very deep way. If this is what is in me at this present moment, I want to experience it. I want the fullness of this moment. Only if I can take the fullness of such difficult moments can I experience the fullness of the blissful moments in my life. It is the polarities once again, the one-ness perceived as a two-ness.
So if I make the appearance to my friends that I am happier, more joyful than I used to be – this is what it is. My experience of everything in my life is more intense. I do not push away the hurtful moments. I embrace them as mine and mine only – not caused by some one or some situation. It is always my choice as to how I respond instead of to automatically re-act to something.
Does this make life easier? Yes it does!
Does this make me happier? Yes it does!
Is this part of the Truth we are somehow all seeking? Yes it is!
To get back to the Brenda Lee song - we can "translate" the man that has gone from our lives to our experience of Oneness with all life, with all Existence, that has gone. In this we perceive you and me separate from each other. Only the Oneness has not left us stranded with hurt, we have left our natural perception of the eternal Oneness and have polarized into you and me, into opposites. In returning to the experience of Oneness, all these daily situations are simply showing us where we left the path, paving the way to return at the very same spot. And then the experience of Oneness, and non-separate-ness allows a response which includes compassion, understanding and even love Is this not wonderful? I say, indeed it is.
“The past is yours, the future is yours, and the present is God's. We divide time into three tenses -- past, present, future -- but that division is not right. Time can be divided between the past and the future but the present is not part of time, it is part of eternity.”
I want to share this response from one of my students to this journal entry with you!
The writer is the husband of a young couple with 4 young children that spent an intensive weekend of Tantra work here with my at the KZN south coast last year. It gives you an idea of what Tantra Sacred Massage can do and just how spiritual tantric healing massage / body-work is. Their names have been changed.
" I really enjoyed your latest message on your website and reading about all the latest developments. Its great to see that you are so active and productive!
About the 'turning wheel': In my childhood I was familiar with my 'witness'. I used to think up meditations that I would do at sunset every day and through them I became familiar with 'stilling my mind' and looking inside until I found the 'spark' with which I came into the world. At one point I had a particular name for this 'essence'; a colour, a sound, but now I've forgotten. I do remember the emotion that was there and it was one of completeness, harmony and love. I came into the world wishing it well.
At about the time just before I met Rosanna I completely lost this sense of me. I felt a huge loss, but I didn't even know why (I just thought it was the absence of the sea and not being able to surf for eight hours a day). Luckily I pushed through and now it is slowly all coming back.
It's true isn't it, that most people are simply actors in their own and others' melodramas. We are all victims of our own conditioning. Both society and we ourselves constrained our minds incredibly and the end result is that we become like ships lost in the turbulent seas of our emotions.
What I didn't realise before was exactly how insidious and how pervasive our thought-patterns are. Yoga shows you that action originates in thought, and strikingly Jesus had a similar view, saying that we should go beyond action and strive to cut out the roots of our evil thoughts. With a bit of effort we can cleanse our minds of negative energy and so we gain control of our development and start a positive process of spiritual growth, with increasing love and kindness for the world and ourselves . I think that all faiths contain this inherent possibility, that they can help us merge with 'God' within us, and then we will see that 'God' is also in the world and that both are one. Indeed all dualisms and the agony of separation is then overcome.
But it is so hard helping others to find their 'witness' isn't it? Especially if they are not seeking it. I suppose that it is a journey that each must undertake at their own pace (why the ancient Indians didn't have any 'missionary zeal'!) Luckily for me, Rosanna is also striving to hold on to her witness and to help her 'witness' grow. It takes a huge strain off our relationship, but at the same time I see the value of the period of my life when I had to confront my own emotions, and then just let them go and look inwards once more.
And in a big way the process for Rosanna, and the remembering for me, started that weekend with you.
Hope you continue to do such great work for a long time to come!"
Salvador
Namaste
Leandra
Thursday, March 29, 2007
On working in Johannesburg and women
My spell in Johannesburg was, once again, lovely. More and more spiritually seeking guys are coming to the massages I offer. And slowly but surly more women are becoming interested in Tantra, which is wonderful. What I am noticing is the difficulties in the sensual and sexual that an Afrikaans upbringing brings with it. Many married couples are struggling with their sexuality. This is not only amongst the Afrikaans society, those brought up within the English speaking society are affected also – it is simply that amongst my Afrikaans students, the predominance of these difficulties is making itself very apparent.
Mostly it is the result of the women “going off” sex and the men battling with this. The sexual is not something talked about, women do not state their desires, men do not know how to touch women resulting in the sexual becoming mundane, quick and anything other than passionate and loving. Couples then start drifting apart and if an affair on the part of one of the partners does not put an end to this – and the marriage – the partners appear to become more and more shy about talking intimately with one another. Of course, the rat race out there, the necessity to make a living and bringing up children add to the lack of time, the tiredness, the “couldn’t be bothered” and sex becoming something that has to be done (the men wanting some form of release, the women taking the idea of the wife being obliged to have sex seriously) and so it becomes more and more unfulfilling and certainly not something that creates and holds the intimacy, the love and the passion between the couple sacred.
So a lot of my work is about showing men how to touch their wives and allow the intimacy to grow again. There is so much that Tantra offers couples (and those wanting to be a couple) in the way of ideas and methods for a loving, sensual and tantric building up and maintaining of sexual relations, and it is such a pleasure to be able to pass on what I know and what changed my life completely along the road of my tantric walk.
The women who are coming to me are mostly concerned about their sexuality, many feel inhibited, say they do not enjoy sex that they cannot not relax and feel that it is simply something they have to do – so they do it and hope it will be over quickly! Well, part of this is due to the conservative upbringing, the dogmatic religions indoctrinating their believers into understanding that the sexual is evil etc. and the general concept of what a woman has to be in our South African culture. The other part is due to the fact that men simply do not know much about the needs of women and how to go about making sexual experiences a true uniting of the feminine and masculine. Mostly, it is simply pretty masculine! Sorry guys, but this is so and if you are one of the guys with little passionate sex in your life, it is time you take the lesson and begin to change things – and this can be done!
For the women, it is time to realize the importance of sexual energy in their lives, take the plunge to go the route of discovering their sensuality apart from their men and become passionate about this so special kind of intimacy between a man and a woman. You are hot baby and you need to teach your man how to touch you, how to take the time you need and also how to be sensual without it necessarily becoming the usual orgasm chase that we call sex!
Tantra teaches all this. It is not done in one session or one short workshop – both men and women need time to grow into this. It is a beautiful journey for married couples as well as for singles. Our human experience of life is limited by the finality of our bodies fading and finally dying, so it is time to use our lives finding physical, emotional and spiritual intimacy in the sexual.
Tantra is a path to the transcendence of the sexual – this transcendence is however not the same as the frustration so many are experiencing. Transcendence of the sexual can only take place if the sexual is recognized as a source of tremendous loving and passion. Living this intimate passion changes everything in your life positively. As long as we are battling with sexual matters, we are unable to transcend it.
I have often been asked about this and I also read a lot on the internet in various blogs about how living a spiritual life is physically a celibate life. At the very depth of Tantra, celibacy is a real step on the path to Enlightenment – but it has to come from the fulfilment of the sexual and not from the frustration of it. There are celibate tantric groups writing about how wrong the focus on the sexual in Tantra is, that it is not part of the original ancient practice and that the modern western global society is making out of Tantra what it should not be. Well, I do not agree with this. The sexual was always part of the path and it always will be. After all, we are born sexual beings, with a strong sexual drive from adolescence onwards. Why on earth should we have this if we have to negate it as bad?
I see the few tantric practitioners here in South Africa emphasizing working with spiritually seeking people only. They too are negating the importance of this life force in our beings. One of the difficulties I had with my first Tantra teacher here in South Africa was exactly this. I got the feeling of doing the “lower less spiritual” work whereas the others from the school were practicing the “higher more spiritual” work. I had numerous discussions about this and it was one of the reasons I finally left the school. “Nonsense” is all I can say to this outlook of what Tantra is about! All this is, is once again, diving into the polarities of good and bad, higher and lower, sexual and non-sexual – the polarities making themselves known again. I heard students of this school saying: “ I am not interested in helping a guy to a better sexuality” and “ I want to only work with spiritual seekers” etc. Are we not all spiritual seekers? We are! And we are simply on different paths of the journey. We all want to find spiritual fulfillment in some way whether we are believers or not. The polarities are simply the two opposite aspects of the Oneness of our existence. Tantra works with these polarities and brings them together. Tantric bliss is about experiencing the Oneness of all Existence – oh yes, how wonderful this is. I feel closest to the Divine in a tantric experience of orgasm. For me it is total surrendering to the joy of life itself, surrendering to the deepest place of my being, surrendering to my spiritual nature. Hard to comprehend? Maybe, if you have not yet experienced this yet. Once a glimpse of the experience is made, you begin to understand and yearn for more. This yearning is far fetched from what usual sex is about, even what usual “making love” is about. It is a yearning for the Love, the Soul, the Spirit, the Omnipresence, the Life that IS the Divine.
I am so grateful to be able to put this message out there here in South Africa. I know that I am contributing to the healing necessary throughout our culture. Once we see the Diving in all life, that it is not separate from who we are, from who the other is, we begin to integrate the physical and the spiritual and slowly loose the experience of its separateness. We begin to wonder at the greatness of Existence and more importantly, we begin to realize that we are actually not humans seeking a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings in a human experience. The more we realize and live this, the closer we become to the Divine, God and we become humble and grateful for all we experience.
For those who want to go this path, I say GO FOR IT! It will take time and sometimes patience, but once you are on this road, you will not want to take any detours any longer. Please remember, it is not done in one Tantra massage session. The massage shows you the direction. If you come for regular teachings and treatments, you will experience something different each time, you will grow with each experience and you will finally, firstly transcend your mind-set, your body memory, your conditioning and begin to experience yourself anew. Tantra was always and is traditionally a one-on-one teaching. The “secrets” are passed on from teacher to student, from master to trainee and it is within the experience of this trusting and deep relationship that you will – on every level – begin to understand the principles of Tantra physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
I work just as eagerly with those who are earnestly on this path as well as those at the very outset of their tantric journey and are busy getting their desire for a fulfilling sexuality sorted out! To me, there is no difference between the two. It is the same journey, the same path – simply different places on the road!
Namaste
Leandra
Mostly it is the result of the women “going off” sex and the men battling with this. The sexual is not something talked about, women do not state their desires, men do not know how to touch women resulting in the sexual becoming mundane, quick and anything other than passionate and loving. Couples then start drifting apart and if an affair on the part of one of the partners does not put an end to this – and the marriage – the partners appear to become more and more shy about talking intimately with one another. Of course, the rat race out there, the necessity to make a living and bringing up children add to the lack of time, the tiredness, the “couldn’t be bothered” and sex becoming something that has to be done (the men wanting some form of release, the women taking the idea of the wife being obliged to have sex seriously) and so it becomes more and more unfulfilling and certainly not something that creates and holds the intimacy, the love and the passion between the couple sacred.
So a lot of my work is about showing men how to touch their wives and allow the intimacy to grow again. There is so much that Tantra offers couples (and those wanting to be a couple) in the way of ideas and methods for a loving, sensual and tantric building up and maintaining of sexual relations, and it is such a pleasure to be able to pass on what I know and what changed my life completely along the road of my tantric walk.
The women who are coming to me are mostly concerned about their sexuality, many feel inhibited, say they do not enjoy sex that they cannot not relax and feel that it is simply something they have to do – so they do it and hope it will be over quickly! Well, part of this is due to the conservative upbringing, the dogmatic religions indoctrinating their believers into understanding that the sexual is evil etc. and the general concept of what a woman has to be in our South African culture. The other part is due to the fact that men simply do not know much about the needs of women and how to go about making sexual experiences a true uniting of the feminine and masculine. Mostly, it is simply pretty masculine! Sorry guys, but this is so and if you are one of the guys with little passionate sex in your life, it is time you take the lesson and begin to change things – and this can be done!
For the women, it is time to realize the importance of sexual energy in their lives, take the plunge to go the route of discovering their sensuality apart from their men and become passionate about this so special kind of intimacy between a man and a woman. You are hot baby and you need to teach your man how to touch you, how to take the time you need and also how to be sensual without it necessarily becoming the usual orgasm chase that we call sex!
Tantra teaches all this. It is not done in one session or one short workshop – both men and women need time to grow into this. It is a beautiful journey for married couples as well as for singles. Our human experience of life is limited by the finality of our bodies fading and finally dying, so it is time to use our lives finding physical, emotional and spiritual intimacy in the sexual.
Tantra is a path to the transcendence of the sexual – this transcendence is however not the same as the frustration so many are experiencing. Transcendence of the sexual can only take place if the sexual is recognized as a source of tremendous loving and passion. Living this intimate passion changes everything in your life positively. As long as we are battling with sexual matters, we are unable to transcend it.
I have often been asked about this and I also read a lot on the internet in various blogs about how living a spiritual life is physically a celibate life. At the very depth of Tantra, celibacy is a real step on the path to Enlightenment – but it has to come from the fulfilment of the sexual and not from the frustration of it. There are celibate tantric groups writing about how wrong the focus on the sexual in Tantra is, that it is not part of the original ancient practice and that the modern western global society is making out of Tantra what it should not be. Well, I do not agree with this. The sexual was always part of the path and it always will be. After all, we are born sexual beings, with a strong sexual drive from adolescence onwards. Why on earth should we have this if we have to negate it as bad?
I see the few tantric practitioners here in South Africa emphasizing working with spiritually seeking people only. They too are negating the importance of this life force in our beings. One of the difficulties I had with my first Tantra teacher here in South Africa was exactly this. I got the feeling of doing the “lower less spiritual” work whereas the others from the school were practicing the “higher more spiritual” work. I had numerous discussions about this and it was one of the reasons I finally left the school. “Nonsense” is all I can say to this outlook of what Tantra is about! All this is, is once again, diving into the polarities of good and bad, higher and lower, sexual and non-sexual – the polarities making themselves known again. I heard students of this school saying: “ I am not interested in helping a guy to a better sexuality” and “ I want to only work with spiritual seekers” etc. Are we not all spiritual seekers? We are! And we are simply on different paths of the journey. We all want to find spiritual fulfillment in some way whether we are believers or not. The polarities are simply the two opposite aspects of the Oneness of our existence. Tantra works with these polarities and brings them together. Tantric bliss is about experiencing the Oneness of all Existence – oh yes, how wonderful this is. I feel closest to the Divine in a tantric experience of orgasm. For me it is total surrendering to the joy of life itself, surrendering to the deepest place of my being, surrendering to my spiritual nature. Hard to comprehend? Maybe, if you have not yet experienced this yet. Once a glimpse of the experience is made, you begin to understand and yearn for more. This yearning is far fetched from what usual sex is about, even what usual “making love” is about. It is a yearning for the Love, the Soul, the Spirit, the Omnipresence, the Life that IS the Divine.
I am so grateful to be able to put this message out there here in South Africa. I know that I am contributing to the healing necessary throughout our culture. Once we see the Diving in all life, that it is not separate from who we are, from who the other is, we begin to integrate the physical and the spiritual and slowly loose the experience of its separateness. We begin to wonder at the greatness of Existence and more importantly, we begin to realize that we are actually not humans seeking a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings in a human experience. The more we realize and live this, the closer we become to the Divine, God and we become humble and grateful for all we experience.
For those who want to go this path, I say GO FOR IT! It will take time and sometimes patience, but once you are on this road, you will not want to take any detours any longer. Please remember, it is not done in one Tantra massage session. The massage shows you the direction. If you come for regular teachings and treatments, you will experience something different each time, you will grow with each experience and you will finally, firstly transcend your mind-set, your body memory, your conditioning and begin to experience yourself anew. Tantra was always and is traditionally a one-on-one teaching. The “secrets” are passed on from teacher to student, from master to trainee and it is within the experience of this trusting and deep relationship that you will – on every level – begin to understand the principles of Tantra physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
I work just as eagerly with those who are earnestly on this path as well as those at the very outset of their tantric journey and are busy getting their desire for a fulfilling sexuality sorted out! To me, there is no difference between the two. It is the same journey, the same path – simply different places on the road!
Namaste
Leandra
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Loving Johannesburg, learning experiences
Another eventful yet wonderful trip to Johannesburg! I returned home last Sunday after being away for three weeks this time. Two weeks was jam packed with work – many students for individual sessions and two workshops.
The first week was the eventful one for me....
Having arrived in Johannesburg to move from my flat to friends, I found nothing to be as I had expected it to be. The renovations had not even begun, let alone could I think of actually moving into my room. I felt frustrated and this grew as the days went on with still no progress. It takes time to understand the circumstances we find ourselves in. It took me a number of days of waiting and persevering, sleeping in the meditation room and being a pain to my friends (I was pushing for things to be done), until I finally understood that this was not supposed to be. So a quick move back into my flat, secured my lease with the landlord once again, got over the disappointment and everything was back to normal – well almost!
There were questions that needed answers. I believe everything happens for a reason - so what was the reason for this upheaval in my life? Why did a friendship almost come to fall over a move that could not take place as planned? Why did I behave this way and my friends that way? I was looking for the bigger purpose of it all. It could not have happened simply to feel disappointed and also to disappoint friends….so why was this part of my path?
I’ll come back to that in a moment, first let me tell you how my stay continued….
It was simply glorious! I met new students, (I no longer call massage guests "clients" – they are students of Tantra), and among them a number of really earnest ones which I find particularly exciting. Some students from overseas on business trips to SA, a number of couples and slowly but surely, women are also coming to Tantra. Then the two workshops, both with small groups, all lovely people.
The work went very deep on numerous occasions. This depth usually is on both the physical and emotional level simultaneously. I have the idea to construct a plan (and a special price) for those students who want to come back for on-going sessions/training and I will be doing this shortly and positing it on this website.
I had little spare time, between seeing two students a day, there is so much changing of sheets and towels and I wonder if you can imagine the amount of washing! I don’t do it myself (no room for a washing machine in my flat) but have a lovely personal service through a friend who brings and collects. I used the massage table a number of times, utilising my newly learned tantric touch massage that Ron Solo taught me. The amount of oil that lands of the floor is quite astounding - thank goodness for tiles, yet oil somehow seems to get everywhere - it is a very resistant and determined material!
I love Jo'burg – I’ve written this before in my journal and yes, it is so. Every time I’m up there my experiences with the people of JHB are great. I spend a lot of time in Melville – I love the little shops, the bars, cafes and restaurants. I sometimes go there to just sit and watch the happy people going about their business. I’ve noticed that people are most happy in the hours after work or after lectures. Melville becomes such a joyous hub-bub of all kinds of folk enjoying the end of their working day. I find everyone friendly...and worldly (remember I live in a very quiet place on the coast), and yes, busy too. There is a particular kind of flair about our big city that reminds me of the cities of Europe.
In Hamburg, where I lived for many years there is the city centre with the big department stores which is absolutely dead at night and then there are numerous suburbs with an atmosphere of their own, with pavement cafes, restaurants, clubs, cinemas, little boutique shops and people milling around at all times of the day and night. I always lived more in my suburb than in the big city when I was living there, meaning, I hardly went into “town”. It is like this for me in Johannesburg. Melville has become “my suburb" and I feel at home there.
So after all my wonderful students, the workshops and the drive back home (I had my car up with me for the first time – in the past I always flew in and then was stuck in my flat more or less) what conclusions was I able to make about the meaning of the initial upheaval?
What I noticed is that it functioned like a threshold, like a gateway, an archway in my life. Once I had walked through it, life on the other side was clearer than it had been for a couple of months. Do you know such times or moments in life, whereby you have the feeling afterwards that you have walked over a threshold? My threshold was about loosing attachment – once again – to situations, feelings, plans people and things. I realized that my motivation to make the move had been materialistic in that I wanted the much lower rent, the comfort of a whole house with washing machine, filled up kitchen on my arrival and nothing going stale after I leave. And a TV in the evenings to “switch off”! Excuse the pun! I hardly watched TV actually while I was in the house, and enjoy being in my flat without any distraction. It allows me to let the sessions of the day slowly retreat from my thoughts in the evenings in full awareness of what they had brought and meant to me.
The idea was good, but was this what Existence wanted for me? Obviously not! How do I know that? Well it is actually easy but often not so easy to become aware of and respond to. If something comes easily, in a flowing, a ripple, a fitting together of people, situations and things, it is usually meant to be. When things become difficult, don’t match up, causing problem upon problem, it is usually a sign that it should not be! I have seen this time and time again in my life – what is meant to be comes simply, almost falling into your lap and what is not meant to be is always something you feel you have to fight and argue for.
The threshold was to simply let it go. So simple and so difficult. Letting something go that is not coming easily often functions like walking over a threshold.
Once I was over mine – and boy did I hang on in there – there was a simple feeling of joyfulness, of contentment, a restfulness and warmth, the disappointment gone totally. That was my sign. There was no “issue” still to resolve with my friends – whatever their reason was to their part in the confusion was not really my business or my issue. They are responsible for that. I am responsible for my choices and my responses and no one else can be made responsible for this in my life. There is no blaming or “victim story” about them getting me into such a situation etc. It was my choice and I had made it based on materialistic goals and not on an inner wisdom – so it was actually all perfectly fine to have happened the way it did. I graciously took the message about Trust, trusting I would earn enough to keep my flat, trusting I would manage all I have to manage on my own, trusting that making a mistake is not a bad thing, simply something we sometimes do.
I have also said this before somewhere in my journal – the times of difficulty are my times of learning and the times of peace and easiness are my times for resting. The resting is wonderful, but I must admit, I welcome the learning periods more as they are the times of growth. I want to grow. I will always want to grow. This, to me, is one of the most beautiful aspects of life, the fact that we are given so many opportunities to grow in every way and particularly – if we are willing to take the lesson to its deepest and fullest – to grow spiritually.
I am so grateful for what Existence places in my path. I am grateful for these three weeks in Johannesburg, I am grateful for the difficulties – I have learnt well.
Namaste
Leandra
The first week was the eventful one for me....
Having arrived in Johannesburg to move from my flat to friends, I found nothing to be as I had expected it to be. The renovations had not even begun, let alone could I think of actually moving into my room. I felt frustrated and this grew as the days went on with still no progress. It takes time to understand the circumstances we find ourselves in. It took me a number of days of waiting and persevering, sleeping in the meditation room and being a pain to my friends (I was pushing for things to be done), until I finally understood that this was not supposed to be. So a quick move back into my flat, secured my lease with the landlord once again, got over the disappointment and everything was back to normal – well almost!
There were questions that needed answers. I believe everything happens for a reason - so what was the reason for this upheaval in my life? Why did a friendship almost come to fall over a move that could not take place as planned? Why did I behave this way and my friends that way? I was looking for the bigger purpose of it all. It could not have happened simply to feel disappointed and also to disappoint friends….so why was this part of my path?
I’ll come back to that in a moment, first let me tell you how my stay continued….
It was simply glorious! I met new students, (I no longer call massage guests "clients" – they are students of Tantra), and among them a number of really earnest ones which I find particularly exciting. Some students from overseas on business trips to SA, a number of couples and slowly but surely, women are also coming to Tantra. Then the two workshops, both with small groups, all lovely people.
The work went very deep on numerous occasions. This depth usually is on both the physical and emotional level simultaneously. I have the idea to construct a plan (and a special price) for those students who want to come back for on-going sessions/training and I will be doing this shortly and positing it on this website.
I had little spare time, between seeing two students a day, there is so much changing of sheets and towels and I wonder if you can imagine the amount of washing! I don’t do it myself (no room for a washing machine in my flat) but have a lovely personal service through a friend who brings and collects. I used the massage table a number of times, utilising my newly learned tantric touch massage that Ron Solo taught me. The amount of oil that lands of the floor is quite astounding - thank goodness for tiles, yet oil somehow seems to get everywhere - it is a very resistant and determined material!
I love Jo'burg – I’ve written this before in my journal and yes, it is so. Every time I’m up there my experiences with the people of JHB are great. I spend a lot of time in Melville – I love the little shops, the bars, cafes and restaurants. I sometimes go there to just sit and watch the happy people going about their business. I’ve noticed that people are most happy in the hours after work or after lectures. Melville becomes such a joyous hub-bub of all kinds of folk enjoying the end of their working day. I find everyone friendly...and worldly (remember I live in a very quiet place on the coast), and yes, busy too. There is a particular kind of flair about our big city that reminds me of the cities of Europe.
In Hamburg, where I lived for many years there is the city centre with the big department stores which is absolutely dead at night and then there are numerous suburbs with an atmosphere of their own, with pavement cafes, restaurants, clubs, cinemas, little boutique shops and people milling around at all times of the day and night. I always lived more in my suburb than in the big city when I was living there, meaning, I hardly went into “town”. It is like this for me in Johannesburg. Melville has become “my suburb" and I feel at home there.
So after all my wonderful students, the workshops and the drive back home (I had my car up with me for the first time – in the past I always flew in and then was stuck in my flat more or less) what conclusions was I able to make about the meaning of the initial upheaval?
What I noticed is that it functioned like a threshold, like a gateway, an archway in my life. Once I had walked through it, life on the other side was clearer than it had been for a couple of months. Do you know such times or moments in life, whereby you have the feeling afterwards that you have walked over a threshold? My threshold was about loosing attachment – once again – to situations, feelings, plans people and things. I realized that my motivation to make the move had been materialistic in that I wanted the much lower rent, the comfort of a whole house with washing machine, filled up kitchen on my arrival and nothing going stale after I leave. And a TV in the evenings to “switch off”! Excuse the pun! I hardly watched TV actually while I was in the house, and enjoy being in my flat without any distraction. It allows me to let the sessions of the day slowly retreat from my thoughts in the evenings in full awareness of what they had brought and meant to me.
The idea was good, but was this what Existence wanted for me? Obviously not! How do I know that? Well it is actually easy but often not so easy to become aware of and respond to. If something comes easily, in a flowing, a ripple, a fitting together of people, situations and things, it is usually meant to be. When things become difficult, don’t match up, causing problem upon problem, it is usually a sign that it should not be! I have seen this time and time again in my life – what is meant to be comes simply, almost falling into your lap and what is not meant to be is always something you feel you have to fight and argue for.
The threshold was to simply let it go. So simple and so difficult. Letting something go that is not coming easily often functions like walking over a threshold.
Once I was over mine – and boy did I hang on in there – there was a simple feeling of joyfulness, of contentment, a restfulness and warmth, the disappointment gone totally. That was my sign. There was no “issue” still to resolve with my friends – whatever their reason was to their part in the confusion was not really my business or my issue. They are responsible for that. I am responsible for my choices and my responses and no one else can be made responsible for this in my life. There is no blaming or “victim story” about them getting me into such a situation etc. It was my choice and I had made it based on materialistic goals and not on an inner wisdom – so it was actually all perfectly fine to have happened the way it did. I graciously took the message about Trust, trusting I would earn enough to keep my flat, trusting I would manage all I have to manage on my own, trusting that making a mistake is not a bad thing, simply something we sometimes do.
I have also said this before somewhere in my journal – the times of difficulty are my times of learning and the times of peace and easiness are my times for resting. The resting is wonderful, but I must admit, I welcome the learning periods more as they are the times of growth. I want to grow. I will always want to grow. This, to me, is one of the most beautiful aspects of life, the fact that we are given so many opportunities to grow in every way and particularly – if we are willing to take the lesson to its deepest and fullest – to grow spiritually.
I am so grateful for what Existence places in my path. I am grateful for these three weeks in Johannesburg, I am grateful for the difficulties – I have learnt well.
Namaste
Leandra
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Something about sexuality and South Africa
In my personal circle of friends, I am being met with a variety of reactions to my association with Tantra. Often the reactions are great, people start opening up about their sexuality and interest in Tantra and it is quite amazing to find how many individuals and couples there are, who have been reading the web or buying books and DVD’s on the subject.
On the other hand, I have also been met with a great deal of fear and rejection. This does not concern me personally, I know who I am and what I do and personal projections of inner repressions do not bother me much. What concerns me is the lack of understanding of what Tantra is about that prevalent in our society. The background for this is that very little Tantra is being practiced in our country and within that, what is being practiced is more often than not, not the real thing. But behind this is something else.
The nature of our society here in SA is actually a society against anything sexual – much more so than in Europe where there is quite an open-minded attitude. Our Calvinistic Christian background has much to do with this. In Germany, the prevalence of Martin Luther’s teachings allows for much acceptance amidst a wide variety of people and lifestyles. There, people have for many, many years held an attitude of tolerance towards others ways and practices. The laws of the country allow much more freedom for the individual and protection of individual rights and lifestyles this than here – in spite of our liberal constitution.
So, on this background, what is it that certain people are reacting to when they hear that I am a Tantra coach?
It is their fantasies about Tantra and what it entails, coupled with a staunch conservative upbringing which negates our sexual nature completely and which in turn, allows their fantasies to flourish. The perception is that practicing Tantra means all you become interested in is sex, and that tantrikers run around all day thinking of sex – in fact further, it makes anyone who is at ease with the sexual and their sexuality somehow “bad people”.
I sometimes get the impression that some people think of me as a sex-maniac of sorts. This results in false projections for example, when I am affectionate or speak openly of sexual matters. Some people like to think my openness is equivalent to making a sexual advance, others prefer to simply think of me as a “lost” human being whereas, actually, the opposite is always true.
All this is, is a reflection of their own minds, their own pre-occupation with sexuality, their own fears of “giving in” to what they would actually like for themselves, namely to be free of constraints that are limiting in any way. They are unaware that living a tantric life does not make one a “focused on the sexual” human being, but rather takes that prevalent focus away and places the focus more on becoming an open, free and non-judgmental human being – which to me is what spirituality is about.
The realization that we are not separate but entirely connected with each other and with all of life, that you are a part of me and I am a part of you, is what connects us with each other, and in this we are all connected with Divine, God. To me, this realisation opens one up to a spiritual attitude towards life - no matter what your religious conviction is. Buddhism and Hinduism come closest to this where there is a clear understanding that we are all Divine, part of God. If I truly know this, how can I reject something in you – I would be rejecting a part of my own being.
The other aspect that is not useful to open-mindedness, is the connotation that everything from the east can only be of the devil, be it simple yoga classes or good advanced sexual education, and that we must stay virgins until marriage and then have sex pretty quickly and certainly not passionately. This stems strongly from a strong dogmatic “born again” Christian trend in this country. The “promise” of going to hell when Christ comes again, is indeed deeply disturbing and threatening. I know this from experience, as part of my path in finding the Truth about life, love and the Divine, was a journey of some years through such a church.
It saddens me to see how limited people are. It saddens me more to see how limiting their attitudes towards others and towards the whole of life can be. What they are not aware of, is the limitations they impose on others, limit themselves the most.
The opposite of all these projections is actually true. I have found that sex is far less on my mind since finding Tantra. This is because the sexual is no longer repressed, no longer has to be hidden. There is no need to restrict anything and in so doing, I have become more pre-occupied with all the wonders of life, sex is simply one of them.
Tantra does not make you more sexual than you already are. We are sexual beings. It is the repression of this very real fact of life, that makes it all bad. Loose your repression and you understand your true nature more, you no longer need to be secretive about sexual matters, or openly blatant about it. Sex becomes something so natural, like brushing your teeth - well almost! And when it is natural, you loose the constant, crazy search for sexual relief. Taking up Tantra in a serious manor will teach you to be orgasmic at every level of your life - can it get better than that?
It teaches you to experience pleasure in a more intensive way, you become grateful for the little mundane things in life and this on a high level. That makes you more satisfied that you could ever be through a sexual encounter or a bombastic orgasm. That is over so quickly and then everything is back to normal, till next time. Understanding the sexual as something spiritual will give you much more than you can imagine. It sets you free from the constant race for that orgasm. Why should you, you have it all within yourself! It allows the expression of your sexuality to become fuller, more satisfying because all of you is involved - not just your genitals. Your body, mind and soul (to use one of those regular esoteric phrases) becomes involved and that gives you more satisfaction, more discernment, more awareness than in a regular sexual encounter.
In writng this, I would like to encourage those of you who are hesitating on account of such above mentioned conditioning restrictions, to start the journey at some point that you find acceptable and see where it leads you. Our progress is entirely individual and there is no set route, no expectations causing distress – simply a wonderful journey to the very centre of your being, which is Divine.
Namaste
Leandra
On the other hand, I have also been met with a great deal of fear and rejection. This does not concern me personally, I know who I am and what I do and personal projections of inner repressions do not bother me much. What concerns me is the lack of understanding of what Tantra is about that prevalent in our society. The background for this is that very little Tantra is being practiced in our country and within that, what is being practiced is more often than not, not the real thing. But behind this is something else.
The nature of our society here in SA is actually a society against anything sexual – much more so than in Europe where there is quite an open-minded attitude. Our Calvinistic Christian background has much to do with this. In Germany, the prevalence of Martin Luther’s teachings allows for much acceptance amidst a wide variety of people and lifestyles. There, people have for many, many years held an attitude of tolerance towards others ways and practices. The laws of the country allow much more freedom for the individual and protection of individual rights and lifestyles this than here – in spite of our liberal constitution.
So, on this background, what is it that certain people are reacting to when they hear that I am a Tantra coach?
It is their fantasies about Tantra and what it entails, coupled with a staunch conservative upbringing which negates our sexual nature completely and which in turn, allows their fantasies to flourish. The perception is that practicing Tantra means all you become interested in is sex, and that tantrikers run around all day thinking of sex – in fact further, it makes anyone who is at ease with the sexual and their sexuality somehow “bad people”.
I sometimes get the impression that some people think of me as a sex-maniac of sorts. This results in false projections for example, when I am affectionate or speak openly of sexual matters. Some people like to think my openness is equivalent to making a sexual advance, others prefer to simply think of me as a “lost” human being whereas, actually, the opposite is always true.
All this is, is a reflection of their own minds, their own pre-occupation with sexuality, their own fears of “giving in” to what they would actually like for themselves, namely to be free of constraints that are limiting in any way. They are unaware that living a tantric life does not make one a “focused on the sexual” human being, but rather takes that prevalent focus away and places the focus more on becoming an open, free and non-judgmental human being – which to me is what spirituality is about.
The realization that we are not separate but entirely connected with each other and with all of life, that you are a part of me and I am a part of you, is what connects us with each other, and in this we are all connected with Divine, God. To me, this realisation opens one up to a spiritual attitude towards life - no matter what your religious conviction is. Buddhism and Hinduism come closest to this where there is a clear understanding that we are all Divine, part of God. If I truly know this, how can I reject something in you – I would be rejecting a part of my own being.
The other aspect that is not useful to open-mindedness, is the connotation that everything from the east can only be of the devil, be it simple yoga classes or good advanced sexual education, and that we must stay virgins until marriage and then have sex pretty quickly and certainly not passionately. This stems strongly from a strong dogmatic “born again” Christian trend in this country. The “promise” of going to hell when Christ comes again, is indeed deeply disturbing and threatening. I know this from experience, as part of my path in finding the Truth about life, love and the Divine, was a journey of some years through such a church.
It saddens me to see how limited people are. It saddens me more to see how limiting their attitudes towards others and towards the whole of life can be. What they are not aware of, is the limitations they impose on others, limit themselves the most.
The opposite of all these projections is actually true. I have found that sex is far less on my mind since finding Tantra. This is because the sexual is no longer repressed, no longer has to be hidden. There is no need to restrict anything and in so doing, I have become more pre-occupied with all the wonders of life, sex is simply one of them.
Tantra does not make you more sexual than you already are. We are sexual beings. It is the repression of this very real fact of life, that makes it all bad. Loose your repression and you understand your true nature more, you no longer need to be secretive about sexual matters, or openly blatant about it. Sex becomes something so natural, like brushing your teeth - well almost! And when it is natural, you loose the constant, crazy search for sexual relief. Taking up Tantra in a serious manor will teach you to be orgasmic at every level of your life - can it get better than that?
It teaches you to experience pleasure in a more intensive way, you become grateful for the little mundane things in life and this on a high level. That makes you more satisfied that you could ever be through a sexual encounter or a bombastic orgasm. That is over so quickly and then everything is back to normal, till next time. Understanding the sexual as something spiritual will give you much more than you can imagine. It sets you free from the constant race for that orgasm. Why should you, you have it all within yourself! It allows the expression of your sexuality to become fuller, more satisfying because all of you is involved - not just your genitals. Your body, mind and soul (to use one of those regular esoteric phrases) becomes involved and that gives you more satisfaction, more discernment, more awareness than in a regular sexual encounter.
In writng this, I would like to encourage those of you who are hesitating on account of such above mentioned conditioning restrictions, to start the journey at some point that you find acceptable and see where it leads you. Our progress is entirely individual and there is no set route, no expectations causing distress – simply a wonderful journey to the very centre of your being, which is Divine.
Namaste
Leandra
Monday, January 1, 2007
1st January 2007 - It's a new year again!
It's a new year again! How quickly this comes, a momentary transition.
I have spent the festive season in training. My gift on Christmas day was, after some months of intense correspondence, finally meeting the international tantric touch and Tantra massage specialist Ron Solo, who had just flown in from Australia, and beginning the practical training with him. This culminated in the one-day tantric touch workshop on the 30th which we facilitated together. My tantric journey in the days before the workshop went deep - my experience of Tantra with trained and experienced tantrikers has always been like this. This took me to even further depths of my soul and being, and I have come out of this training invigorated, motivated and transformed. Experiencing, learning never ceases and so transformation is inevitable.
Facilitating the workshop together was a highlight for me. We had 15 participants from all over South Africa – Cape Town, Durban, Pretoria, and of course Johannesburg, where the workshop took place – all of whom went away with a new experience of what sensual touch can be. It was a wonderful experience for all and the feedbacks we are receiving are encouraging and motivating. I will be holding similar workshops around SA in the course of this year. In addition to this, my own planned workshops (more in the German tradition of Tantra workshops), will be on the program which will appear shortly here on my website and on The School of Durga Tantra website, which I am currently working on.
One of the things that my experiences this last year have endorsed in me, is the fact that it is necessary to have continual training if I am to put a true message out there of what Tantra is about. I have had extremely varying experiences with teachers of Tantra. The self taught teachers lack a number of things which are exceptionally important:
As I mentioned earlier, part of the training is learning the value of total trust and understanding the vulnerability you submit into, which brings a dimension not possible in personal relationships.
There is nothing wrong with self-teaching, it should however be used for one’s self and not as a teaching to experiment with and impose on others. This can and should be used privately, not professionally. Working on such an intimate level actually requires a great deal of qualified training and experience. My qualification in the expressive psychotherapies required many years of training, and together with over 20 years year's of professional work in the field of experiential psychotherapies, allows me to voice such an opinion from a professional standpoint. What this practice results in is a crashing through personal boundaries, a subtle manipulation and control which ultimately has no purpose but to make the giver feel great. It also opens the door to teachings which are biased and not a true rendition of what Tantra is. This does not do Tantra any good. It also does not do the individual any good.
I know all this from personal experience. It has happened to me here in SA (and only here - the Europeans tend to be much more professional in their approach) and I have seen it happen here to others. I was able to deal extremely well with the manipulative encroachment on my person and taken it for what it was, a learning curve. But will this be the case for the younger, less experienced person? This worries me deeply.
We are extremely vulnerable when it comes to Tantra here in SA. There is little choice to make educated, free choices. In Europe, where there is an abundance of schools and teachers and a large tantric community, this is an entirely different situation. My endeavour this 2007, is to bring a quality of Tantra to South Africa that is comparable with the high standard and quality of work being done internationally. I will also be returning to Germany later this year to further my training with qualified and experienced trainers. I cannot possibly imagine why anyone would want to miss out on getting this kind of valuable input. I have a deep desire to grow, to learn, to progress. I long for encounters with people like Klaus Smedts and Ron Solo, they have given me so much on a very deep personal level, as well as immeasurably valuable training for the work I do.
I find it particularly exciting to have learnt from Ron that there was a vibrant, small tantric community in JHB during the 60ties and 70ties - brought to SA by two women who had received training in Europe and the UK. Even more exciting, is the fact that I have been given the privilege of bringing this quality of Tantra to SA again. I take this on with gratitude and joy and with a feeling of responsibility.
It is with this feeling of deep gratitude that I begin 2007. For the many clients who entrusted themselves to my work in 2006 - it is from you that I continually learn. Thank you so much for your faith in what I do.
For the two intense trainings with wonderful teachers last year, the influences of both of which have, and are finding their way into my own work. The blessings of my trainers, Klaus Smedts and Ron Solo, both of whom I deeply admire, accompany me into this new year of tantric work.
I wish you all a blessed 2007. May you all have many moments of joy and bliss and whatever your journey is, remember there is a beginning, but there is no ending. It is the journey itself that makes each moment so special. In the hardest moments of life are the deepest lessons to be learnt. Accept these with gratitude and experience what a difference it makes. Hardship does not disappear, but it the willingness to accept what is in your path, moves you in a different way and allows you to transform and to grow.
Namaste
Leandra
I have spent the festive season in training. My gift on Christmas day was, after some months of intense correspondence, finally meeting the international tantric touch and Tantra massage specialist Ron Solo, who had just flown in from Australia, and beginning the practical training with him. This culminated in the one-day tantric touch workshop on the 30th which we facilitated together. My tantric journey in the days before the workshop went deep - my experience of Tantra with trained and experienced tantrikers has always been like this. This took me to even further depths of my soul and being, and I have come out of this training invigorated, motivated and transformed. Experiencing, learning never ceases and so transformation is inevitable.
Facilitating the workshop together was a highlight for me. We had 15 participants from all over South Africa – Cape Town, Durban, Pretoria, and of course Johannesburg, where the workshop took place – all of whom went away with a new experience of what sensual touch can be. It was a wonderful experience for all and the feedbacks we are receiving are encouraging and motivating. I will be holding similar workshops around SA in the course of this year. In addition to this, my own planned workshops (more in the German tradition of Tantra workshops), will be on the program which will appear shortly here on my website and on The School of Durga Tantra website, which I am currently working on.
One of the things that my experiences this last year have endorsed in me, is the fact that it is necessary to have continual training if I am to put a true message out there of what Tantra is about. I have had extremely varying experiences with teachers of Tantra. The self taught teachers lack a number of things which are exceptionally important:
- they lack the experience of being on the receiving end of the teaching, and thus do not know what it means to be in the vulnerability it takes to submit to such deep processes.
- they lack the experience of submitting to a teacher, which requires a deep trusting, in itself part of the experience and so important in Tantra. They therefore also lack the feeling of strong willingness to learn from someone else.
- they lack the input of people experienced in a tantric lifestyle and qualified for tantric work. Their knowledge, from books and videos, is extremely limited. More importantly, they assimilate knowledge that they then put into practice with "guinea pigs" who are actually real people and who deserve more. Practicing on personal friends and lovers, i.e. in personal relationships, does not do what the submission to training can achieve.
As I mentioned earlier, part of the training is learning the value of total trust and understanding the vulnerability you submit into, which brings a dimension not possible in personal relationships.
There is nothing wrong with self-teaching, it should however be used for one’s self and not as a teaching to experiment with and impose on others. This can and should be used privately, not professionally. Working on such an intimate level actually requires a great deal of qualified training and experience. My qualification in the expressive psychotherapies required many years of training, and together with over 20 years year's of professional work in the field of experiential psychotherapies, allows me to voice such an opinion from a professional standpoint. What this practice results in is a crashing through personal boundaries, a subtle manipulation and control which ultimately has no purpose but to make the giver feel great. It also opens the door to teachings which are biased and not a true rendition of what Tantra is. This does not do Tantra any good. It also does not do the individual any good.
I know all this from personal experience. It has happened to me here in SA (and only here - the Europeans tend to be much more professional in their approach) and I have seen it happen here to others. I was able to deal extremely well with the manipulative encroachment on my person and taken it for what it was, a learning curve. But will this be the case for the younger, less experienced person? This worries me deeply.
We are extremely vulnerable when it comes to Tantra here in SA. There is little choice to make educated, free choices. In Europe, where there is an abundance of schools and teachers and a large tantric community, this is an entirely different situation. My endeavour this 2007, is to bring a quality of Tantra to South Africa that is comparable with the high standard and quality of work being done internationally. I will also be returning to Germany later this year to further my training with qualified and experienced trainers. I cannot possibly imagine why anyone would want to miss out on getting this kind of valuable input. I have a deep desire to grow, to learn, to progress. I long for encounters with people like Klaus Smedts and Ron Solo, they have given me so much on a very deep personal level, as well as immeasurably valuable training for the work I do.
I find it particularly exciting to have learnt from Ron that there was a vibrant, small tantric community in JHB during the 60ties and 70ties - brought to SA by two women who had received training in Europe and the UK. Even more exciting, is the fact that I have been given the privilege of bringing this quality of Tantra to SA again. I take this on with gratitude and joy and with a feeling of responsibility.
It is with this feeling of deep gratitude that I begin 2007. For the many clients who entrusted themselves to my work in 2006 - it is from you that I continually learn. Thank you so much for your faith in what I do.
For the two intense trainings with wonderful teachers last year, the influences of both of which have, and are finding their way into my own work. The blessings of my trainers, Klaus Smedts and Ron Solo, both of whom I deeply admire, accompany me into this new year of tantric work.
I wish you all a blessed 2007. May you all have many moments of joy and bliss and whatever your journey is, remember there is a beginning, but there is no ending. It is the journey itself that makes each moment so special. In the hardest moments of life are the deepest lessons to be learnt. Accept these with gratitude and experience what a difference it makes. Hardship does not disappear, but it the willingness to accept what is in your path, moves you in a different way and allows you to transform and to grow.
Namaste
Leandra
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