Ups & downs, back & forth, to & fro!

 

Heinbuche in the Snow - Ma Anand Leandra
(taken in Germany many years ago)

 
 
There has been a lot of upheaval in the last months but also a great deal of development. While this was on the go, I did not really know how to write, or what to write about. I was so full of dealing with the events being catapulted into my professional life, that I felt totally uninspired to put word to paper.

For me, writing is a process that orders the mind, putting thoughts into meaningful place more so than verbalising thoughts can. Writing only happens when I am ready to put it all together, when I am ready to structure a jungle of thoughts, feelings and ideas into a few sentences. In fact, for me writing can happen when some form of order is already there. I have learnt, that if I wait it out, allowing my thoughts free reign to come and go, back and forth, to and fro, the clarity begins to emerge. This is, of course, greatly helped by a friends listening to chaos in my head for hours on end. Thank you friends!
 
Structures I had put in place to accommodate new practitioners seemed to be crumbling after only a few wonderful  months of running smoothly. As these structures crumbled, new doors were opening wide and I was not sure how to respond. I went into a kind of spiritual incubator, a warm waiting, an evolving space within me, at the same time trying to keep outwardly warm as the wet, windy winter hit Cape Town. I was re-thinking the structures that had at first seemed so good. Existence appeared to be telling me: "the way things are simply has no substance".
 
As process intensified, Hari pointed out it was exactly the 9 days of Navariti, a Hindu religious festival devoted to the Divine Mother Durga in all her 9 forms. Durga represents the furious powers of all the male gods and is the ferocious protector of the righteous and the destroyer of all evil. Durga is the great Mother, the epitome of the Divine Feminine and it felt very relevant that which was not good, was being destroyed.

The timing was perfect: the structures I had so believed in were crashing, this and my subsequent process reflected exactly what the festival is about. Out of the rubble at my feet, newness would emerge, and it would be clearer than before.
 
I cannot say that the process has been completed, but it has evolved enough for me to be able to write about it. What I have learnt is that I need to put more emphasis on the quality of the training of Tantra Sacred Massage practitioners in order to get the quality of work I am wanting for the practice. Simply put: the training was too short. I had compromised my better knowledge of what it takes to do this work in order to accommodate what I called "South African circumstances", namely that many individuals who wanted to come into Tantra Sacred Massage practice did not appear have the money to pay for a lengthy training, nor the time to take off work. While these circumstances have not changed, a slightly different way of facilitating the training is emerging. It will certainly entail a longer and more detailed mentoring period than in the past.
 
So while a number of practitioners left the affiliate program, some new tantra practitioners walked into the space left behind, bringing fresh energy and new ideas. You will hear more about this in the next few months as it all emerges.
 
This is what I can say now:

• Tantra Sacred Massage(TM) has become a registered trademark. Only certified practitioners will be able to use the name and offer our massages, which those of you who have been for sessions will know, are very specific and authentic Ayurveda based tantric massages, making our work quite unique, not only here in South Africa, but from what I hear from visiting clients/students, world wide. More info: Tantra Sacred Massage Website...
• We have now formally started the gay branch of tantric work and have joined forces with Tantra4GayMen UK, an established school of Tantra run by Jason. Hari and Leon will be the force behind Tantra4GayMen SA and have great ideas of what they want to do. It will take time to emerge and during the next few months you'll hear more. For the time being, for those who wish to know more, please join our Facebook group: Tantra4GayMen SA

There is more being conceived at the moment but I'm not ready to birth the new plans yet - they will come into being next year and include bringing out international facilitators with some really interesting trainings.

I have written about my process because this is what happens to all of us. Life brings ups and downs all the time. I get asked what has changed since becoming tantric? The ups and downs have not changed - they certainly continue. I have changed, that is what is different. I understand drawbacks, failure, difficulties as opportunities to grow. I understand that Existence pushes you to see things you have not yet seen and the circumstances created force you to understand it all in a different, positive way. I am  not afraid of self-criticism, I want to recognise where I have gone wrong and have no desire to uphold a construct of who I am in order not to feel disappointment and pain. I now like to take the hint and change my ways again and again. Nothing has to be perfect or final, and indeed it cannot. There is no finality to the process of living our lives. While our humanity dictates a beginning and an end, it is just the beginning and end to a particular journey. And what a journey it is, as difficult as it seems at times, it's enthralling, wondrous and vibrant!
 
Much love to you all,
Leandra
 
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