My spell in Johannesburg was, once again, lovely. More and more spiritually seeking guys are coming to the massages I offer. And slowly but surly more women are becoming interested in Tantra, which is wonderful. What I am noticing is the difficulties in the sensual and sexual that an Afrikaans upbringing brings with it. Many married couples are struggling with their sexuality. This is not only amongst the Afrikaans society, those brought up within the English speaking society are affected also – it is simply that amongst my Afrikaans students, the predominance of these difficulties is making itself very apparent.
Mostly it is the result of the women “going off” sex and the men battling with this. The sexual is not something talked about, women do not state their desires, men do not know how to touch women resulting in the sexual becoming mundane, quick and anything other than passionate and loving. Couples then start drifting apart and if an affair on the part of one of the partners does not put an end to this – and the marriage – the partners appear to become more and more shy about talking intimately with one another. Of course, the rat race out there, the necessity to make a living and bringing up children add to the lack of time, the tiredness, the “couldn’t be bothered” and sex becoming something that has to be done (the men wanting some form of release, the women taking the idea of the wife being obliged to have sex seriously) and so it becomes more and more unfulfilling and certainly not something that creates and holds the intimacy, the love and the passion between the couple sacred.
So a lot of my work is about showing men how to touch their wives and allow the intimacy to grow again. There is so much that Tantra offers couples (and those wanting to be a couple) in the way of ideas and methods for a loving, sensual and tantric building up and maintaining of sexual relations, and it is such a pleasure to be able to pass on what I know and what changed my life completely along the road of my tantric walk.
The women who are coming to me are mostly concerned about their sexuality, many feel inhibited, say they do not enjoy sex that they cannot not relax and feel that it is simply something they have to do – so they do it and hope it will be over quickly! Well, part of this is due to the conservative upbringing, the dogmatic religions indoctrinating their believers into understanding that the sexual is evil etc. and the general concept of what a woman has to be in our South African culture. The other part is due to the fact that men simply do not know much about the needs of women and how to go about making sexual experiences a true uniting of the feminine and masculine. Mostly, it is simply pretty masculine! Sorry guys, but this is so and if you are one of the guys with little passionate sex in your life, it is time you take the lesson and begin to change things – and this can be done!
For the women, it is time to realize the importance of sexual energy in their lives, take the plunge to go the route of discovering their sensuality apart from their men and become passionate about this so special kind of intimacy between a man and a woman. You are hot baby and you need to teach your man how to touch you, how to take the time you need and also how to be sensual without it necessarily becoming the usual orgasm chase that we call sex!
Tantra teaches all this. It is not done in one session or one short workshop – both men and women need time to grow into this. It is a beautiful journey for married couples as well as for singles. Our human experience of life is limited by the finality of our bodies fading and finally dying, so it is time to use our lives finding physical, emotional and spiritual intimacy in the sexual.
Tantra is a path to the transcendence of the sexual – this transcendence is however not the same as the frustration so many are experiencing. Transcendence of the sexual can only take place if the sexual is recognized as a source of tremendous loving and passion. Living this intimate passion changes everything in your life positively. As long as we are battling with sexual matters, we are unable to transcend it.
I have often been asked about this and I also read a lot on the internet in various blogs about how living a spiritual life is physically a celibate life. At the very depth of Tantra, celibacy is a real step on the path to Enlightenment – but it has to come from the fulfilment of the sexual and not from the frustration of it. There are celibate tantric groups writing about how wrong the focus on the sexual in Tantra is, that it is not part of the original ancient practice and that the modern western global society is making out of Tantra what it should not be. Well, I do not agree with this. The sexual was always part of the path and it always will be. After all, we are born sexual beings, with a strong sexual drive from adolescence onwards. Why on earth should we have this if we have to negate it as bad?
I see the few tantric practitioners here in South Africa emphasizing working with spiritually seeking people only. They too are negating the importance of this life force in our beings. One of the difficulties I had with my first Tantra teacher here in South Africa was exactly this. I got the feeling of doing the “lower less spiritual” work whereas the others from the school were practicing the “higher more spiritual” work. I had numerous discussions about this and it was one of the reasons I finally left the school. “Nonsense” is all I can say to this outlook of what Tantra is about! All this is, is once again, diving into the polarities of good and bad, higher and lower, sexual and non-sexual – the polarities making themselves known again. I heard students of this school saying: “ I am not interested in helping a guy to a better sexuality” and “ I want to only work with spiritual seekers” etc. Are we not all spiritual seekers? We are! And we are simply on different paths of the journey. We all want to find spiritual fulfillment in some way whether we are believers or not. The polarities are simply the two opposite aspects of the Oneness of our existence. Tantra works with these polarities and brings them together. Tantric bliss is about experiencing the Oneness of all Existence – oh yes, how wonderful this is. I feel closest to the Divine in a tantric experience of orgasm. For me it is total surrendering to the joy of life itself, surrendering to the deepest place of my being, surrendering to my spiritual nature. Hard to comprehend? Maybe, if you have not yet experienced this yet. Once a glimpse of the experience is made, you begin to understand and yearn for more. This yearning is far fetched from what usual sex is about, even what usual “making love” is about. It is a yearning for the Love, the Soul, the Spirit, the Omnipresence, the Life that IS the Divine.
I am so grateful to be able to put this message out there here in South Africa. I know that I am contributing to the healing necessary throughout our culture. Once we see the Diving in all life, that it is not separate from who we are, from who the other is, we begin to integrate the physical and the spiritual and slowly loose the experience of its separateness. We begin to wonder at the greatness of Existence and more importantly, we begin to realize that we are actually not humans seeking a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings in a human experience. The more we realize and live this, the closer we become to the Divine, God and we become humble and grateful for all we experience.
For those who want to go this path, I say GO FOR IT! It will take time and sometimes patience, but once you are on this road, you will not want to take any detours any longer. Please remember, it is not done in one Tantra massage session. The massage shows you the direction. If you come for regular teachings and treatments, you will experience something different each time, you will grow with each experience and you will finally, firstly transcend your mind-set, your body memory, your conditioning and begin to experience yourself anew. Tantra was always and is traditionally a one-on-one teaching. The “secrets” are passed on from teacher to student, from master to trainee and it is within the experience of this trusting and deep relationship that you will – on every level – begin to understand the principles of Tantra physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
I work just as eagerly with those who are earnestly on this path as well as those at the very outset of their tantric journey and are busy getting their desire for a fulfilling sexuality sorted out! To me, there is no difference between the two. It is the same journey, the same path – simply different places on the road!
Namaste
Leandra
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