The most predominant misunderstanding about Tantra is that I encounter, is that it is all about sex. Well, not only sex, but having great sex, the best sex you can imagine, and hours of it with multiple orgasms. The reason for this seems to be the simple fact that sex rules our lives in one way or another. We either have a partner that wants too little of it...or one that wants too much, depending on the perspective from which we are viewing it of course. Or there is no partner in sight to experience either too little or too much, it is simply zero. Sometimes there is lots of it, with lots of partners, in lots of different situations – twosomes, threesomes, foursomes, orgies etc. And of course, there are great deviations from the “normal” variations of it, like BDSM etc. Then there are all sorts of sexual difficulties that can make our lives miserable – difficulty to orgasm or climaxing far too early, having too much or too little libido and funnily enough, this applies to both men and women, although we like to think it’s gender specific and applies to men only!Here’s the thing: sex IS important. It is the most major energy force in our lives. We come from sex and in fact, the whole of life comes from sex. In Tantra we call sex our Life Force. And as you can imagine, when our Life Force depletes, a whole lot is pulled into a downward spiral with it.
Sexual energy is charged with an internal, mental and physical drive whether we like it or not. This in turn charged with hormones and endorphins etc., it is the single most naturally given drive we have. It is our creative energy, not only physically in the form of pro-creation, but our drive to complete ourselves, to be passionate about whatever it is we allow ourselves to be passionate about – our work, our relationships, our hobbies. Sigmund Freud discovered that it was possible to compensate desire by directing this energy into other passions and that if we don’t it sometimes finds its way into mentally unhealthy results.
So all in all, sex is worth thinking about! The thing is to get out of the habit of simply thinking about sex as sex only. Sex as sex only is just the physical act and that in itself is a pretty mundane activity. Tantra allows us look at everything else that sex is about, it gives more meaning to sex than we generally believe is possible.
The ancient Chinese realised the life force aspect of sexual energy and developed methods of cultivating sexual energy in the form of Taoism and taoist practices, just as the ancient people of India developed the deeply spiritual path of Tantra and tantric practices. Both cultures understood that sex was the very centre of life itself, and although the two paths differ tremendously, they do have in common that sexual energy is essential to our physical, emotional and spiritual well being in one way or another.
Whereas in China the emphasis seems to have been on the cultivation of sexual energy for physical well being and longevity, in India, being probably one of the most spiritually inclined countries in the world, it seems natural that the emphasis was on sex and spirituality, sex and the Divine, sex and enlightenment.
Valerie Brooks puts it beautifully in her book Tantric Awakening – A Woman’s Initiation into the Path of Ecstacy:
“Utilizing our most primitive, overwhelming desires for sexual encounter, tantra teaches transcendence of all desire. Tantra’s ultimate lesson is that all human desire carries at its source the singular desire for God. And even the desire for God is transcended once we understand that we are already there.”
Furthermore...
“Tantra allows anyone to experience the ecstatic, heavenly realm that saints through the ages have attempted to describe through poetry and metaphor. It’s nearly indescribable, because it’s beyond what we can mentally conceive.
...
“People become involved in tantra for various reasons. The practice of tantra can bring us many personal benefits, including improved relationships, emotional healing, physical health, longevity, happiness, wealth, and of course the obvious: an intensely satisfying sex life...But, regardless of diverse initial interests, to remain on this path all must have only agenda – a profound desire for oneness with whatever it is we call God.”
...
“Tantra has no text or manual on how to treat others. Yet the universal call for love within all great spiritual teachings can be embodied through tantric. Tantra calls our intellectual bluff. Tantra takes the theory of loving God to a practical level. Before we can love God, we must love others. Tantra asks us not to idealize love, or to love a concept, but rather to experience love. Tantra is about really loving others, here and now.”
...
“This does not mean that we need to have sex with everyone we want to love. Tantra is a tool that teaches us how to love unconditionally, in every area of our lives. Many people misunderstand how tantric relates to sex. Tantra uses sex only as a vehicle. In and of itself, sex is meaningless. Sex is a tool, like the flame of a candle in meditation or the beads used in prayer. No tool will bring us enlightenment unless we use it for that purpose. Tantra’s purpose is never about having sex. The purpose of tantric is not even to be a tantric. The purpose of tantric is, once again, love. Tantra holds sexuality in a context that is healing and positive, as an expression of God’s love.”
...
“Tantra might be a simple path, but it is not always easy. Many people who begin tantric, even with the best intentions, will fall off the path. Why is it so difficult to make love all the time? Practicing tantric is not like going to church for two hours a week. It will make us look at ourselves. It will ask us to change. It pushes buttons.”
Tantra has pushed my buttons and continues to do so. It has changed how I deal with things, how I deal with all aspects of my life and it continues to do so. It is fascinating and deeply rewarding, and I feel blessed to have gotten over my initial belief that it was all “just about sex”. Had this not been the case, and being the well brought up, sexually conservative South African that I was, I could never have embraced Tantra. I came to Tantra looking for God, or if you prefer, looking for life. I wanted more. I felt there was more. Most importantly, I wanted my frustration with life, my pain around love, my loneliness amidst friends, relatives and people in general to end.
I wanted life and I wanted it fulfilling, full and filled. I got it. I learnt to love myself in a way never before imagined, then I learnt to love others in a way never before achieved...and finally I learnt to love God, the Divine, Existence in a way never before experienced.
Tantra is not a religion. I did not have to adopt a belief system or adhere to doctrines. Tantra is a path, a method, a way of life. It has become my way of life.
Of her personal experience, Valerie Brooks’ writes:
“ In tantra I found a synergy between sexuality and spirituality, between tradition and spontaneity, between the communal and the subjective. It was like glue to me. It brought together all the seemingly irreconcilable pieces, merging the contradictory and disparate messages of religion, philosophy and literature. Tantra guided me inward, showing me that my darkest demons were illusions built of dust. In essence, it enabled me to become a completely different person.“
I too became a completely different person on my tantric journey. Not someone else, just the person I was always meant to be. I hope you enjoyed this read and that you not only have become interested in Valerie Brooks' book, but also in starting your journey with and on the path of Tantra.
Namaste,
Leandra
* all quotes from Tantric Awakening – A Woman’s Initiation into the Path of Ecstacy by Valerie Brooks (pages 11 – 14) ISBN -89281-096-5 (pbk)
