Lingam - Aquarelle by Leandra Part I - The truth about non-ejaculatory orgasm for men
Introduction
Orgasm is usually both the starting point and the finishing line of any sexual encounter. The starting point because, being the aim or goal of “normal” sex, it is generally what is on our minds as our intention when we start off with any sexual activity. The finishing line because, after orgasm there seems no where else to go, the goal having been reached.
But then, orgasm is so often a letdown. I used to think this was my issue with sexuality but today, from my many years of experience with students coming to Tantra Sacred Massage sessions, I know that most individuals feel this at some stage in their lives. This is particularly as one reaches the forties threshold or in terms of marriage and relationships, the eight to ten year threshold. Mind you, these are estimates and it can happen earlier and later, but invariably it does happen that sex becomes a bit mundane and the feeling that orgasm is not what it is made out to be grows.
Men particularly report that the nicest phase of sex is actually before orgasm, and they wish they could stay in this phase longer. The actual moment of orgasm is usually pretty quick both for men and women – although women do naturally experience a slightly longer orgasm compared to that of men. (I will go more into this in Part III of my article).
In addition, many individuals have some form of difficulty with orgasm itself – either it comes too soon or it does not come at all – both variations are difficult to live with and ruin full sexual satisfaction. So it is perhaps understandable that much of modern day tantric literature and content of Tantra websites worldwide, is filled with the promise of better orgasms – either longer, or deeper, or full body, or multi and for men, non-ejaculatory – and this accompanied by the hope of greater and more satisfying sex which in turn promises a happier and more fulfilling life.
Even without all this information, we seem to find ourselves racing after orgasm. In a sense, the event of Tantra becoming more centre stage worldwide has not done us a favour as the level of sexual expectation is now higher and more individuals are feeling the pressure of having to have more than just an “ordinary” orgasm. So it is understandable that learning to enhance orgasm is one of the main motivations for students coming to tantric massage sessions.
My personal quest on the subject of orgasm
When I came to Tantra, my motivation was to find meaning and healing in my life. I wanted my body, mind and spirit integrated and a way of life that would fulfil me. Basically I wanted my neediness to stop so that I could feel good about who I was and where I was in my life from my inner core, as opposed to having to rely on positive responses from others and situations, that would endorse the meaningfulness of my life and who I was.
Having better orgasms was something I never spoke to my teachers about. I did however ask about the non-ejaculatory orgasm for men, as I thought teaching men this technique would become an important part of my work, and to my astonishment, two of my three teachers told me “forget about non-ejaculatory orgasm, it is not important”! The fact that they were both male, seemed to place more weight on their statements, and thus I was influenced quite strongly in this respect.
After starting my tantric work, I intensified my reading of tantric literature and found that much of it was about methods to enhance orgasm. So it was natural for me to ask myself what the truth of the matter was...and thus began my research into the subject. In this series of articles about orgasm, I share my thoughts resulting from this research as well as from both my personal and work related experiences over the last 6 years or so.
Introduction
Orgasm is usually both the starting point and the finishing line of any sexual encounter. The starting point because, being the aim or goal of “normal” sex, it is generally what is on our minds as our intention when we start off with any sexual activity. The finishing line because, after orgasm there seems no where else to go, the goal having been reached.
But then, orgasm is so often a letdown. I used to think this was my issue with sexuality but today, from my many years of experience with students coming to Tantra Sacred Massage sessions, I know that most individuals feel this at some stage in their lives. This is particularly as one reaches the forties threshold or in terms of marriage and relationships, the eight to ten year threshold. Mind you, these are estimates and it can happen earlier and later, but invariably it does happen that sex becomes a bit mundane and the feeling that orgasm is not what it is made out to be grows.
Men particularly report that the nicest phase of sex is actually before orgasm, and they wish they could stay in this phase longer. The actual moment of orgasm is usually pretty quick both for men and women – although women do naturally experience a slightly longer orgasm compared to that of men. (I will go more into this in Part III of my article).
In addition, many individuals have some form of difficulty with orgasm itself – either it comes too soon or it does not come at all – both variations are difficult to live with and ruin full sexual satisfaction. So it is perhaps understandable that much of modern day tantric literature and content of Tantra websites worldwide, is filled with the promise of better orgasms – either longer, or deeper, or full body, or multi and for men, non-ejaculatory – and this accompanied by the hope of greater and more satisfying sex which in turn promises a happier and more fulfilling life.
Even without all this information, we seem to find ourselves racing after orgasm. In a sense, the event of Tantra becoming more centre stage worldwide has not done us a favour as the level of sexual expectation is now higher and more individuals are feeling the pressure of having to have more than just an “ordinary” orgasm. So it is understandable that learning to enhance orgasm is one of the main motivations for students coming to tantric massage sessions.
My personal quest on the subject of orgasm
When I came to Tantra, my motivation was to find meaning and healing in my life. I wanted my body, mind and spirit integrated and a way of life that would fulfil me. Basically I wanted my neediness to stop so that I could feel good about who I was and where I was in my life from my inner core, as opposed to having to rely on positive responses from others and situations, that would endorse the meaningfulness of my life and who I was.
Having better orgasms was something I never spoke to my teachers about. I did however ask about the non-ejaculatory orgasm for men, as I thought teaching men this technique would become an important part of my work, and to my astonishment, two of my three teachers told me “forget about non-ejaculatory orgasm, it is not important”! The fact that they were both male, seemed to place more weight on their statements, and thus I was influenced quite strongly in this respect.
After starting my tantric work, I intensified my reading of tantric literature and found that much of it was about methods to enhance orgasm. So it was natural for me to ask myself what the truth of the matter was...and thus began my research into the subject. In this series of articles about orgasm, I share my thoughts resulting from this research as well as from both my personal and work related experiences over the last 6 years or so.
The truth about non-ejaculatory orgasm for men
In almost all tantric literature on this subject, we find the claim that men need to learn and master the method and the practice of non-ejaculatory orgasm in order to contain their energy and experience their full sexual potential.
The reason given is that ejaculation depletes a man’s energy and that by not ejaculating he will contain his energy and be able to “last longer” (i.e. have longer erections, experience longer orgasms (generally called expanded orgasm), become multi-orgasmic (meaning being able to have a number of consecutive orgasms in a single session), and experience full body orgasms (meaning a special kind of orgasm that is felt throughout the body).
All this of course, will result in generally more fulfilling sex and by implication, a happier life. Sometimes one reads that non-ejaculation is the clue to tantric sex, the way to achieve more conscious and more spiritual sex.
Kegel Exercises
The method that is taught worldwide is relatively simple and within a few weeks of practice relatively easy to achieve. Men strengthen the pelvic muscles by training them with what is known as the Kegel exercises.
These exercises were developed and first published in 1948 by a Dr Kegel in order to assist with incontinence. For women they are extremely helpful for tightening the vaginal walls after childbirth, excellent for incontinence difficulties and also increase the experience of orgasm. They assist men with prostrate health, with bladder difficulties and it is said to assist with having stronger and longer lasting erections, thus being very beneficial to men suffering from pre-mature ejaculation.
The next step is to learn to contract the pelvic muscles just before or in the moment of orgasm and in so doing, close off the Vasa Deferentia or sperm ducts resulting in the ejaculate not reaching the tip of the penis to be excreted there. This then has generally been called the “non-ejaculatory orgasm”.
Why this is commonly called non-ejaculatory orgasm I do not know because an ejaculation does occur.
Retrograde ejaculation
What really happens is that contracting the muscles squeezes the sperm ducts closed causing a blockage. When the ejaculate reaches the blockage, it is subsequently pushed back and into the bladder where it quickly dissolves and is urinated out. While the semen are not excreted through the penis, they certainly leave the testicles and are excreted. Medically this is called a retrograde ejaculation, sometimes known as an in-ejaculation.
Retrograde ejaculation is medically speaking the sign of a blockage problem in the sperm ducts caused by infection or certain medications which is one of the main causes of male sterility. It is also the way ejaculation takes place when a prostrate operation has been performed.
Medical problems resulting from blocking the sperm ducts
Retrograde ejaculation is medically speaking the sign of a blockage problem in the sperm ducts caused by infection or certain medications which is one of the main causes of male sterility. It is also the way ejaculation takes place when a prostrate operation has been performed.
Medical problems resulting from blocking the sperm ducts
Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with strengthening the pelvic muscles, in fact this is a very healthy thing to do. For those of you who are interested in learning these, follow this link or Google ‘Kegel exercises” and you will find an abundance of info available on the web.
However, please do not use this as a general way of having orgasms guys. I will give you a different method, more natural method. There are a number of difficulties and dangers with this method of prolonging orgasm.Interestingly I have not found tantric literature that makes mention of a variety of medical difficulties that can result from repeated practice of this method.
It is not difficult to imagine that by doing this, pressure is placed on the sperm ducts which can result in irreparable damage being done. This is particularly important for men nearing and reaching their fifties. Apart from this, regular retrograde ejaculation can result in a further variety of medical problems which I won’t go into now.
Another important fact is that regular ejaculation is important for the health of the prostate gland and it used to be medical practice for men to have their prostrate glands “milked” regularly as a preventative measure for the development of cancer. This was a method of massaging the prostate gland to empty it of the colourless thin fluid that is produced there.
So all in all, I do not recommend this method or even regular non-ejaculation through any other method. And in fact, my experience shows that it is not preventing ejaculation that contains a man’s energy but they actual way he orgasms – whether he ejaculates or not!
How this method was assimilated into tantric teaching
The method of in-ejaculation comes from a completely different tradition to that of Tantra which originated in India. It goes back to ancient China and the Taoist tradition and was originally used as an ancient birth control practice. This makes sense as today we understand blockages of the sperm ducts to be one of the major causes for male infertility.
The Taoist also saw this as a way for males to contain their energy and prolong life. This results from the ancient belief that a man could run out of seminal fluid if he ejaculated too much in his life time and that his life would thus be shortened. Another Taoist belief was that if the man retained his sperm, he would retain the intelligence that made them and draw this up to his crown, thus increasing his intelligence. Today we know that these beliefs have no medical substance and that the male does not run out of seminal fluid through ejaculation.
As a side note, interestingly women were encouraged to have frequent secretion of female ejaculate as the belief was that it contained a vital substance from which her partner (the male) could derive energy and power!
Tantra is an ancient Indian tradition that emerged with or prior to Hinduism. In Tantra there is no ancient practice of this method and it certainly had nothing to do with tantric spiritual practice. As the knowledge of Tantra expanded to other countries it was assimilated into the traditional belief system and philosophies of those countries. Thus the development of Buddhist Tantra in Tibet and the incorporation of tantric practices into Taoist practice in China.
Tantra being the non-dogmatic system that it is, also appears to have over time, assimilated other practices and western Tantra (or Neo Tantra) seems to have merged two vastly different traditions. Taoism is concerned with the conservation of energy, Tantra is concerned with sexual energy being our life force and our senses being the door to being in the body and the “now”.
Tantra is concerned with the merging together of the sacred masculine and sacred feminine, the polarised male and female energy. In the traditional tantric understanding, it is in this union that enlightenment is made possible. Although this is mostly understood as the union between a male and a female, it can occur in a meditative way or self-loving rituals without a partner through the merging or balancing of the inner male and inner female energy.
One belief in the tantric system is that the male needs to unite with the female and needs to remain inside her as long as possible in oder to be able to absorb some of her vital life juices and energy, so necessary for men to attain an enlightened state of being.
Does then the non-ejaculatory orgasm exist in Tantra at all?
Yes, certainly, but at least as I teach it, it occurs in more natural way and is not as important as it’s made out to be. What is important, and much more important than ejaculation, is breath. It is the correct breathing technique that contains the energy in the body. As with any yoga practice, breath is the single most important aspect in Tantra and tantric work of any kind. The breathing technique, accompanied by full body relaxation as well as a specific muscular relaxation is what enhances orgasm and can lead to the experience of a true non-ejaculatory orgasm.
This is therefore what I teach. I teach men how to orgasm, how to change their orgasm into one that will contain their energy and in addition open the door to deep and spiritual experiences – and this independent of whether he is alone or with a partner.
The method is the same for men and women, just that women do it naturally and through understanding what they naturally do, they are able to do it more consciously thus enhancing their experience of orgasm.
It is also the method I teach to resolve all kinds of sexual difficulties, including premature ejaculation and difficulty in achieving orgasm.
However, please do not use this as a general way of having orgasms guys. I will give you a different method, more natural method. There are a number of difficulties and dangers with this method of prolonging orgasm.Interestingly I have not found tantric literature that makes mention of a variety of medical difficulties that can result from repeated practice of this method.
It is not difficult to imagine that by doing this, pressure is placed on the sperm ducts which can result in irreparable damage being done. This is particularly important for men nearing and reaching their fifties. Apart from this, regular retrograde ejaculation can result in a further variety of medical problems which I won’t go into now.
Another important fact is that regular ejaculation is important for the health of the prostate gland and it used to be medical practice for men to have their prostrate glands “milked” regularly as a preventative measure for the development of cancer. This was a method of massaging the prostate gland to empty it of the colourless thin fluid that is produced there.
So all in all, I do not recommend this method or even regular non-ejaculation through any other method. And in fact, my experience shows that it is not preventing ejaculation that contains a man’s energy but they actual way he orgasms – whether he ejaculates or not!
How this method was assimilated into tantric teaching
The method of in-ejaculation comes from a completely different tradition to that of Tantra which originated in India. It goes back to ancient China and the Taoist tradition and was originally used as an ancient birth control practice. This makes sense as today we understand blockages of the sperm ducts to be one of the major causes for male infertility.
The Taoist also saw this as a way for males to contain their energy and prolong life. This results from the ancient belief that a man could run out of seminal fluid if he ejaculated too much in his life time and that his life would thus be shortened. Another Taoist belief was that if the man retained his sperm, he would retain the intelligence that made them and draw this up to his crown, thus increasing his intelligence. Today we know that these beliefs have no medical substance and that the male does not run out of seminal fluid through ejaculation.
As a side note, interestingly women were encouraged to have frequent secretion of female ejaculate as the belief was that it contained a vital substance from which her partner (the male) could derive energy and power!
Tantra is an ancient Indian tradition that emerged with or prior to Hinduism. In Tantra there is no ancient practice of this method and it certainly had nothing to do with tantric spiritual practice. As the knowledge of Tantra expanded to other countries it was assimilated into the traditional belief system and philosophies of those countries. Thus the development of Buddhist Tantra in Tibet and the incorporation of tantric practices into Taoist practice in China.
Tantra being the non-dogmatic system that it is, also appears to have over time, assimilated other practices and western Tantra (or Neo Tantra) seems to have merged two vastly different traditions. Taoism is concerned with the conservation of energy, Tantra is concerned with sexual energy being our life force and our senses being the door to being in the body and the “now”.
Tantra is concerned with the merging together of the sacred masculine and sacred feminine, the polarised male and female energy. In the traditional tantric understanding, it is in this union that enlightenment is made possible. Although this is mostly understood as the union between a male and a female, it can occur in a meditative way or self-loving rituals without a partner through the merging or balancing of the inner male and inner female energy.
One belief in the tantric system is that the male needs to unite with the female and needs to remain inside her as long as possible in oder to be able to absorb some of her vital life juices and energy, so necessary for men to attain an enlightened state of being.
Does then the non-ejaculatory orgasm exist in Tantra at all?
Yes, certainly, but at least as I teach it, it occurs in more natural way and is not as important as it’s made out to be. What is important, and much more important than ejaculation, is breath. It is the correct breathing technique that contains the energy in the body. As with any yoga practice, breath is the single most important aspect in Tantra and tantric work of any kind. The breathing technique, accompanied by full body relaxation as well as a specific muscular relaxation is what enhances orgasm and can lead to the experience of a true non-ejaculatory orgasm.
This is therefore what I teach. I teach men how to orgasm, how to change their orgasm into one that will contain their energy and in addition open the door to deep and spiritual experiences – and this independent of whether he is alone or with a partner.
The method is the same for men and women, just that women do it naturally and through understanding what they naturally do, they are able to do it more consciously thus enhancing their experience of orgasm.
It is also the method I teach to resolve all kinds of sexual difficulties, including premature ejaculation and difficulty in achieving orgasm.
What is the secret of tantric sex?
It is however, not beneficial in any way to chase the non-ejaculatory orgasm, just as Tantra teaches us not to chase the orgasm itself. Important is being in the moment of whatever you are doing without it having to lead anywhere. That really is the secret of tantric sex. Furthermore, it is a way of life. A way of living and experiencing each moment as it comes along and this way of life does not back away when things get sexual – on the contrary, this momentary experiencing continues throughout the sexual act.
I hope you enjoyed the article so far. I welcome your comments below!
Next month I will write about the real meaning of orgasm and finally I will give you the method I teach.
Warm autumn greetings
Leandra
Next articles:
Part II) The real meaning or orgasm
Part III) The Method to enhance orgasm
Part II) The real meaning or orgasm
Part III) The Method to enhance orgasm
