Another eventful yet wonderful trip to Johannesburg! I returned home last Sunday after being away for three weeks this time. Two weeks was jam packed with work – many students for individual sessions and two workshops.
The first week was the eventful one for me....
Having arrived in Johannesburg to move from my flat to friends, I found nothing to be as I had expected it to be. The renovations had not even begun, let alone could I think of actually moving into my room. I felt frustrated and this grew as the days went on with still no progress. It takes time to understand the circumstances we find ourselves in. It took me a number of days of waiting and persevering, sleeping in the meditation room and being a pain to my friends (I was pushing for things to be done), until I finally understood that this was not supposed to be. So a quick move back into my flat, secured my lease with the landlord once again, got over the disappointment and everything was back to normal – well almost!
There were questions that needed answers. I believe everything happens for a reason - so what was the reason for this upheaval in my life? Why did a friendship almost come to fall over a move that could not take place as planned? Why did I behave this way and my friends that way? I was looking for the bigger purpose of it all. It could not have happened simply to feel disappointed and also to disappoint friends….so why was this part of my path?
I’ll come back to that in a moment, first let me tell you how my stay continued….
It was simply glorious! I met new students, (I no longer call massage guests "clients" – they are students of Tantra), and among them a number of really earnest ones which I find particularly exciting. Some students from overseas on business trips to SA, a number of couples and slowly but surely, women are also coming to Tantra. Then the two workshops, both with small groups, all lovely people.
The work went very deep on numerous occasions. This depth usually is on both the physical and emotional level simultaneously. I have the idea to construct a plan (and a special price) for those students who want to come back for on-going sessions/training and I will be doing this shortly and positing it on this website.
I had little spare time, between seeing two students a day, there is so much changing of sheets and towels and I wonder if you can imagine the amount of washing! I don’t do it myself (no room for a washing machine in my flat) but have a lovely personal service through a friend who brings and collects. I used the massage table a number of times, utilising my newly learned tantric touch massage that Ron Solo taught me. The amount of oil that lands of the floor is quite astounding - thank goodness for tiles, yet oil somehow seems to get everywhere - it is a very resistant and determined material!
I love Jo'burg – I’ve written this before in my journal and yes, it is so. Every time I’m up there my experiences with the people of JHB are great. I spend a lot of time in Melville – I love the little shops, the bars, cafes and restaurants. I sometimes go there to just sit and watch the happy people going about their business. I’ve noticed that people are most happy in the hours after work or after lectures. Melville becomes such a joyous hub-bub of all kinds of folk enjoying the end of their working day. I find everyone friendly...and worldly (remember I live in a very quiet place on the coast), and yes, busy too. There is a particular kind of flair about our big city that reminds me of the cities of Europe.
In Hamburg, where I lived for many years there is the city centre with the big department stores which is absolutely dead at night and then there are numerous suburbs with an atmosphere of their own, with pavement cafes, restaurants, clubs, cinemas, little boutique shops and people milling around at all times of the day and night. I always lived more in my suburb than in the big city when I was living there, meaning, I hardly went into “town”. It is like this for me in Johannesburg. Melville has become “my suburb" and I feel at home there.
So after all my wonderful students, the workshops and the drive back home (I had my car up with me for the first time – in the past I always flew in and then was stuck in my flat more or less) what conclusions was I able to make about the meaning of the initial upheaval?
What I noticed is that it functioned like a threshold, like a gateway, an archway in my life. Once I had walked through it, life on the other side was clearer than it had been for a couple of months. Do you know such times or moments in life, whereby you have the feeling afterwards that you have walked over a threshold? My threshold was about loosing attachment – once again – to situations, feelings, plans people and things. I realized that my motivation to make the move had been materialistic in that I wanted the much lower rent, the comfort of a whole house with washing machine, filled up kitchen on my arrival and nothing going stale after I leave. And a TV in the evenings to “switch off”! Excuse the pun! I hardly watched TV actually while I was in the house, and enjoy being in my flat without any distraction. It allows me to let the sessions of the day slowly retreat from my thoughts in the evenings in full awareness of what they had brought and meant to me.
The idea was good, but was this what Existence wanted for me? Obviously not! How do I know that? Well it is actually easy but often not so easy to become aware of and respond to. If something comes easily, in a flowing, a ripple, a fitting together of people, situations and things, it is usually meant to be. When things become difficult, don’t match up, causing problem upon problem, it is usually a sign that it should not be! I have seen this time and time again in my life – what is meant to be comes simply, almost falling into your lap and what is not meant to be is always something you feel you have to fight and argue for.
The threshold was to simply let it go. So simple and so difficult. Letting something go that is not coming easily often functions like walking over a threshold.
Once I was over mine – and boy did I hang on in there – there was a simple feeling of joyfulness, of contentment, a restfulness and warmth, the disappointment gone totally. That was my sign. There was no “issue” still to resolve with my friends – whatever their reason was to their part in the confusion was not really my business or my issue. They are responsible for that. I am responsible for my choices and my responses and no one else can be made responsible for this in my life. There is no blaming or “victim story” about them getting me into such a situation etc. It was my choice and I had made it based on materialistic goals and not on an inner wisdom – so it was actually all perfectly fine to have happened the way it did. I graciously took the message about Trust, trusting I would earn enough to keep my flat, trusting I would manage all I have to manage on my own, trusting that making a mistake is not a bad thing, simply something we sometimes do.
I have also said this before somewhere in my journal – the times of difficulty are my times of learning and the times of peace and easiness are my times for resting. The resting is wonderful, but I must admit, I welcome the learning periods more as they are the times of growth. I want to grow. I will always want to grow. This, to me, is one of the most beautiful aspects of life, the fact that we are given so many opportunities to grow in every way and particularly – if we are willing to take the lesson to its deepest and fullest – to grow spiritually.
I am so grateful for what Existence places in my path. I am grateful for these three weeks in Johannesburg, I am grateful for the difficulties – I have learnt well.
Namaste
Leandra
