On being rock bottom...and just an ordinary woman!

After The Rain - Leandra (Dispersions paint on paper)

I recently watched a TV interview that Opera did with J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series. Known in the USA as the first billionaire author, Rowling spoke about her life before and after her success and what motivated her. A lovely woman with a very interesting life, one of the things she said resonated with me particularly. After leaving Spain where she had been living with her first husband, she returned to the UK and found herself in the situation of being totally “rock bottom”, a single mother of a small child, pretty much penniless, alone and without work, the situation could have not been worse. She said that this “rock bottom” became her starting point....and I thought YES, this is what being rock bottom is about. It’s about starting points. To really appreciate being rock bottom, we need to recognise this!

Being rock bottom is always scary. It feels like having no way out. It feels like everything is against us, like there is nothing we can do and we feel very vulnerable. More often than not, it comes as a surprise, not being our own doing and is mostly accompanied by feelings of despair, helplessness and decapitating depression.

On being "rock bottom"...

I know this situation. I have been in it many times in my life for just as many reasons. The reasons were always good, very seldom was it my own doing, life seemed simply to be extremely unfair. I was after all a talented, hard working girl, always trying my best to do things right and yet, again and again, finding myself in personal “rock bottom” situations. It is only in retrospect that I recognise that these rock bottom periods were also always my starting points! Each time, as hitting rock bottom seemed to get worse and worse, more and more difficult to bear and less and less easy to move out of, the reward of having gone through it got better and better. My situation always improved as I was catapulted into making decisions that would force me to follow my dreams, believe in myself and become what I became for a while – until the next rock bottom hit.

My phases of happiness would last a while, until circumstances forced me to re-think my initial idea resulting finally, in making a new decision as I moved along my life path. All the time, it was the difficult times that were my motivation to move on, to change aspects of my life, and achieve even more than I already had. Life seems to be filled with these rock bottoms, but more importantly, it appears to me that they are there for a purpose - the purpose of continually pursuing happiness and satisfaction. After all, if we found ultimate happiness and satisfaction, what would motivate us further?

Looking back, I see that my curve of happiness went steadily upwards, my rock bottoms effectively pushing me to know myself and what makes me tick; to understand what I like and don’t like, what I do well with and not so well, and what motivates me – and “failure” always motivated me. Actually amazing actually is it not? Well, thinking about it...not really!

So what is failure?

Failure is really only the end of one thing and the beginning of another. It is like a doorway, a threshold, an opening to something new.

Theories of Creativity and Creative Problem Solving...

One of the subjects I taught ongoing art therapists in my training institute many years ago was Theories of Creativity.

Now this is interesting. Perhaps you are unaware of the fact that artistic creativity is nothing other than a constant problem solving process and that it is always a problem that motivates decisions for the artist: which materials to use for example and which format, what subject...and then where to start, what colours, how to use the brush etc., a series of never ending little problems which can feel quite daunting, followed by decisions or solutions. Well, possible solutions because every time these decisions would be followed by yet another small problem and another big decision! This, never ending, until the painting or art work is completed and then, finally, after completion, there would be the question of what next?

Theories of Creativity are very similar, if not the same, as Theories of Problem Solving and what is more, these are really the same theories used in business all over the world as well as in life in general. So looking a little closer at this, I want to share some thoughts on creative problem solving with you.

Firstly some definitions...

What is creativity?
There are a number of theories on creativity but what they have in common is that it is a destructive/constructive process that destroys old perceptions through new ones. All creativity involves combining and re-combining previously known elements into unique new configurations. This process is guided by the subconscious which is normally restrained, but during a creative process is far less restrained. In order to be creative, one has to be divergent, convergent, and evaluative and this is measured by the flexibility and fluency of our responses. One needs to be sensitive to what needs changing in order to redefine the information or the situation. And in the end, the success of any creative or problem solving process is based on the originality of the result or product. The product is always a transformation something known into something not previously known. This then leads to another definition..

What is creative problem solving?
Creative Problem Solving is the mental process of creating a solution to a problem. It is a special form of problem solving in which the solution is independently created rather than learned with assistance. To qualify as creative problem solving, the solution must either have value, clearly solve the stated problem, or be appreciated by someone, for whom the situation improves.

What about Artistic Creativity?
It is incorrect to think that while problem solving always involves creativity, artistic creativity does not involve problem solving. In the fields of music, poetry, writing and art for example, the artist is constantly solving problems: which color to use, which brush, which word or which theme to make use of? The artist is trying to create something that gets as close as possible to his/her deepest desire, his/her deepest thought or emotion. It also requires newness as a characteristic of what is created, something that will appeal to the artist. However, this does not necessarily imply that his/her creation has value or is appreciated by other people.

What constitutes a problem that requires solving?
The situation prior to the solution does not need to be labelled as a problem. Alternate labels include: a challenge, an opportunity, a situation which can be improved on, or in which there is room for improvement. Next, we need to have a closer look as the phases of creativity and creative problem solving.

Phases of Creativity and Creative Problem Solving Processes

Most theories on creativity define certain phases in a set order. Based on the work of various researchers, I have combined a number of these and defined 6 main phases to creativity and to creative problem solving. Each phase is clearly defined and is accompanied by different emotions.

Orientation Phase: recognising the fact of a problem that needs a solution

Preparation Phase: gathering information about the problem and converting a fuzzy or confused statement of the problem into a broad statement, one that is more suitable to idea finding.

Incubation Phase: almost like being pregnant with the problem. This is usually a sub-conscious phase - waiting for the solution or illumination to “come” while the old and the new stand side by side - the most difficult phase.

Illumination Phase: recognising the solution, what we call a “aha” moment, accompanied by good feelings of pending activity.

Implementation Phase: giving physical form to the idea or “aha” solution – a very active phase of putting the solution into practice.

Verification Phase: verifying the solution as we evaluating or judge the result as to its effectiveness.

And then we are once again very possibly at the new beginning of yet another "problem" that needs solving, and another possible "rock bottom" in life.

The time between the Verification Phase and a new Orientation Phase may be immediate and it may be years. One solution invariably leads to another decision making or problem solving process sooner or later and the process starts again.

Of these phases, the second one, the Incubation Phase, is the most difficult to endure. You know something needs changing because you have recognised the problem. Possible solutions come and go as the mind goes overtime thinking things through, going around and around in a seemingly never ending spiral, backwards and forwards. Emotions run haywire and self-esteem seems not to exist as the actual decision, the final solution seems not to completely emerge.

This phase is ended by the long awaited for “aha” moment which is nothing else than “knowing” - knowing what to do next, bringing relief to the turmoil. Emotions cool down as the mind slows down, as it is now able to think: “I am able to do something...this is what I can do!”

Once again, this is very interesting as, while realising the solution to a problem, there is no certainty about the outcome – ever. Yet we feel relieved because we can finally go into action.

Putting the solution into practice is the real hard work which still has to subsequently be verified as to whether the solution was that good - and this always results in a new problem. Why? Because there is never a totally final solution to anything. If there were, we would no longer exist. We would no longer have anything to live for, anything to work towards - and as humans, we need this “needing” something to work towards. Our striving is always to get better, be better, better the situation, better something in our lives. And that is the very purpose of evolution itself.

The real problem to any problem

The real problem to any problem is having a never ending variety of choices. Some choices are perceived, some are not. And then not knowing which choice to make, or being fearful it may be the wrong one, which inhibits creative flow in any area of work or life. This is as true for artists as it is for work situations and indeed is applicable to all aspects of life. And is life itself not a series of problems that need to be solved, whether we realise this or not? We do it all the time. Perhaps we are aware of this process and perhaps not. We are however in this process constantly. In business as well as in play, in relationships and in aloneness, in all phases of life we proceed from one such situation to another.

A personal account of my recent “rock bottom”

I was in this predicament last year for months on end when my life was impacted by difficulties and problems after the passing of my father, and I hit aall time heavy “rock bottom”. My perceived family structure disintegrated into a continuum of total confusion as trusted family structures broke down, leaving my life in total disarray. What is more, the story reads like a Hollywood thriller/drama in an antagonist play, this being a play in which the antagonist takes over the role of the protagonist in determining the unfolding drama.

The protagonist: the CEO of the large welfare organisation which my parents had begun when I was just 10 years old. She had enjoyed a particularly close relationship with my father with whom she worked together very closely. My 90 year old mother did not particularly like her and after my father’s passing, found herself totally dependent on the CEO’s decision as to where and how she would continue to live. After the CEO invited herself to our family funeral she topped this by standing up suddenly as the main speaker, catapulting my mother into a mentally confused, almost paranoid state of being.

The antagonist: my brother, a drug addict from an early age and now chronically alcoholic, saw this as his chance of consolidating his lifestyle, and removed my mother from her protected place of residence with all the care she needed, and refused to tell anyone to where he was taking her. This resulted in my mother being missing for some weeks. The difficulty was, she went willingly - in her mind, she was fleeing from the clutches of the CEO and she did not comprehend the consequences of such a move. His motivation, being what he was, was obviously to secure her money and her furniture.

The police, family courts and lawyers all had their hands tied. A High Court Order placing my mother under curatorship, allowing them to become active, would take months and cost a fortune, and what is more, may not even have been successful – my mom is charming with outsiders to the family and could easily have convinced the court that she was in her right mind – thus we had been warned by social workers and the psychiatrist I consulted.

The actors: My self, my sister and my nephew. Before the removal of my mom, I had exposed my brother to her when I found valuable small items of furniture missing and her bank card as well as drugs in his possession. She however did not want to believe me resulting in a breakdown of communication between her and myself.

Then too, the communication between my sister and myself broke down as each of us, still trying to come to terms with our father’s passing, hurting and emotional, were overwhelmed by the things we had to deal with.

Finally, the CEO informed me that my father’s firearms had been collected by my brother from their place of safe keeping with the “permission” of our mother, who thought she was preventing the CEO getting her hands on them, and my life was subsequently so seriously and evidently threatened, as to warrant a police protection order which, a few weeks later after the court hearing, resulted in a permanent warrant for the arrest for my brother.

At the handing over of the firearms to the police, it became apparent that one firearm was missing. The the police investigated my brother for some weeks claiming they were going to arrest and charge him with illegal possession of firearms as well as the loss (or illegal sale) of one of them. This however reached a dead end after my brother befriended the investigating officer and the investigation was stalled and finally stopped.

In the mean time, my brother’s son, whose legal guardian I am and who had been living with me since he was 8, became seriously ill with stomach ulcers (at age 14!) and was in and out of hospital during end of year school exams.

The story then nears an ending, two months later, with my brother deserting my mother during a drunken orgy and disappearing. After two days of being totally alone, her landlord finally managed, through the police, to get the details to contact my sister and myself, resulting in the communication between my sister and myself beginning anew, and we were finally able to get our mother out of town and to a safe place.

During all this, I spent many fearful nights of anxiety - the threat to my life in itself was no easy task to deal with, let alone the fear of what was to happen to my mother. I wept tears to fill barrels of rain water tanks as, in all this, I had no idea what to do or where to turn. All the official places of assistance offered no further help. Family members and long standing family friends became very quiet as they withdrew, one after the other, equally overwhelmed by the events and obviously not wanting to get involved.

Nights and days of de-capitulating depression resulted, draining all energy out of my being and leaving me just barely functioning at times. At the same time, understandably, I was hardly in a position to work effectively let alone at all - and after a total of 5 months of this drama and hardly earning anything while at the same time spending more on various consultations etc. as well as the repeated hospitalisation of my nephew, serious financial difficulties followed. It was horrendous.

For weeks on end, I found myself just reacting to the occurrences with no creativity, in fact no life force, flowing through me at all. The phrase “just an ordinary family” often came to my mind, and for the first time, I felt sympathy and understanding for families whose stories filtered into in the media from time to time. These stories of individuals in malfunctioning families had previously appeared unrealistic to me. Now I knew, they too, were just also just ordinary people in ordinary families going about an ordinary life - until the structures in place break down, seemingly out of the blue and nothing, absolutely nothing, seems ordinary any more.

I knew something had to change. I needed something to change. My nephew needed something to change. Something had to give and I did not want it to be our mental, emotional and physical health. This recognition ended my Orientation Phase and set off the Preparation Phase as my mind, at last, became more active trying to think of ways out.

After mentally playing with a number of solutions, including fleeing the country and returning to Germany, the answer arose. Thus, finally, my Incubation Phase set in. It came slowly, almost ghostlike until the solution was “suddenly” there and I could, once again, become active. On a short trip to Cape Town, two close friends sat patiently one afternoon listening to the pros and cons of my solution to this dillema, and by the end of the day I had my “aha” moment and the Illumination Phase was finally there: the decision to move to Cape Town had been made! I felt almost instantaneously relieved and catapulted out of everything that had immobilised me for months.

It had not been an easy decision to take. I have a large beautiful house on the Indian Ocean coast south of Durban which I absolutely loved, three adorable Jack Russell’s (who by the way, were my only warmth and comfort for most of those months), my nephew was in a boarding school not too far away....never the less, it felt good to be going into the active Implementation Phase. Within a few short months of pretty hectic planning, after the school year had ended and my facilitation at the 3-week International Tantra Teacher Training in the Northern Drakensberg was over, my nephew and I arrived in Cape Town early this year - with five suitcases and 25 kilos overweight - finally leaving everything behind.

Now, just on two months into Cape Town living, the Verification Phase to my personal rock bottom solution is feeling very good. The grass is green, the sky is blue, flowers are blooming and the sun is shining – and how it has been shining in Cape Town this summer! My heart is open and warm and I feel pretty “normal” in my life again. I function once again as accostomed, full of creativity and activity, once again enjoying my life in spite of tons of things to attend to as we settle down.

Life now continues in a more "normal" way. I would never had made this decision had not the circumstances last year forced me into action. There is still much to be achieved (my Jack Russels have yet to join me in Cape Town, my house in KZN has to be organised and prepared to go onto the market (which granted still has to revive), new jobs for my beloved domestic workers who had been with me for so long need to be found, much of my moms' furniture has to be divided amongst family members - the list is still endless. But I am now in a position to tackle these tasks, one after the other, and I know, I really do know, that all this will subsequently fall into place slowly.

I sleep well once again and what is more, I have been able to read a couple of novels as well as to write again! New Durga Tantra School retreats are planned and soon, next week actually, Ines, one of the tantric massage practitioners from Germany that I met on the International Tantra Teacher Training, will arrive to spend two months with me, furthering her training and sharing her work with many of my students. My nephew is well settled into his new Cape Town school, now no longer a boarder - this was part of our solution plan - and is laughing and joking and his usual self again. The transisition to becoming a real mum once again, after years of not having this role, has been gentle and actually quite easy, and I find myself enjoying all the cooking, washing of school uniforms and the overseeing of homework involved in the life of a now 15 year old boy. Life is good to both of us!

No doubt, life in Cape Town life will present smaller and perhaps even bigger situations for similar problem solving processes. When it does, would this mean the original decision was a mistake? Not at all! It would simply mean that the circle of life continues as it always does. It presents us with various situations that stretch us, sometimes beyond our wildest dreams. The stretching will result in new endings presenting new beginnings once again.

Why am I relating this piece of my personal life to you, the reader?

I wish to inspire you to think of life along these terms. I would like to motivate you to use this pattern, this interface for your own creative problem solving processes when you have situations requiring radical change...and I hope to instil in you a feeling of everything being in perfect order when things appear to go terribly wrong in your life.

I have always known this basic fact of life and have always reacted in this way, intuitively, instinctively. My instinct was always to survive and to do this well. What Tantra has given me however, is the insight to understand these processes like never before and the strength to experience what has to be experienced, even more fully than ever before.

Taking up the path of Tantra, I have a science, a method and a way of life that supports me all the way. More particularly, I have the knowledge that I can make something out of any situation, even the worst situation imaginable.

Tantra has given me the wisdom to know that I am not a victim of circumstances. I am perhaps an executor of circumstances, but never a victim. How do I feel in my life since coming to Tantra? I feel simply human and I love my life. Just an ordinary woman in an ordinary life, I can create something that will solve anything...and so can you!

Much love and inspiration to you all...
Leandra

"The story of our life is, in the end, not our life. It is our story"
(From the movie Americano)

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”
Robert Frost

The Way Home...Relationships & Sexuality - A Tantric Perspective

( Painting by Leandra - Watercolor Pencils on paper)

This article was published in Odyssey Magazine (August/September 2010).

Although we are living in the age of sexual liberation, it is rare to find people enjoying a fulfilling sexuality. We have been led to believe that spirituality and sexuality are divided, and struggle to find meaning in our sexuality. The sexual revolution of the sixties has in fact, led to marketing life's most intimate moments, resulting in floods of images that appear to have liberated us from conventional norms but in fact, have simply created a new cliché

The pressures of a busy and stressful modern life, the challenge of on-going relationships and marriage as well as bringing up children within full working lives, presents an enormous strain on individuals and couples. Intimacy is often reduced to having sex as a kind of sleeping pill at night, resulting in a quick release of tension and a general feeling of emptiness. The principles of our performance-oriented society have forced their way into the bedroom resulting in more and more men and women experiencing sexual difficulties. Literature teaching sexual techniques and a variety of sexual positions or sexual diversions, do not seem to hold the key to sexual or relationship fulfillment. We seem to chase one thrill after the other, one orgasm after the other or for that matter, one sexual escapade after the other without actually finding what we are looking for.

The result is intimacy that is not uplifting and lacking in real joy or any form of spirituality and the fulfillment of our hearts’ desires remains elusive. Over and above this, many adults are burdened with sexually repressive conditioning from childhood, education, religion, and in South Africa, we know too well that even politics can play a huge role in how we think and feel and with whom we engage sexually.

Whether we live in a relationship, alone or in varying relationships, our lives seem so often to be accompanied by loneliness and a lack of love. Most individuals seem to be longing for an affirmation of self in a partner, while yearning for vitality and a form of sexuality that affirms the unity of body and soul.

Despite the fact that Tantra is thousands of years old, it presents us with a very real possibility to transcend these difficulties arising from this very modern situation. Tantra cultivates, deepens and spiritualises human nature without presenting it as imperfect or repressing any aspect of it.

Tantric literature on the market today however, is often in the form of sex manuals, promising bigger and better orgasms and more sexual satisfaction, whereas Tantra is actually so much more. Tantra is a non-dogmatic spiritual path, a teaching of non-judgmental, absolute and unconditional love. It teaches meditation in the most physical moments of human experience, positively encompassing and influencing all aspects of life and particularly relationships of all kinds.

An ever-expanding system that has matured through the ages, Tantra is an art, a method and a science, an outlook and a way of life that teaches us how to open our hearts, how to embrace our emotionality and sexuality, enabling us to celebrate the whole of life, and recognising the Divine essence within all beings. Tantra is in effect an experiential path of transformation.

In contrast to traditional psychotherapy, esoteric and other healing modes, Tantra uses the body and its physical expression to work on blockages in the subconscious, embracing the sexual emotionally, physically and spiritually, and thus doing, satisfying and amplifying the human soul. Most of us, have forgotten how to connect and live from a place of being whole and perfect already. Tantra shows us the way back home.

Tantra trains the body to improve its capacity for the flow of life energy, giving the mind a higher ability to concentrate, and the soul ease and lightness. Rather than concentrating on the heights of physical pleasure alone, Tantra details the mental states to be achieved during sexual activity enabling us to bridge the gap of sexuality and spirituality.

Each human being is understood as a reflection of the entire cosmos. By entering inside one's own subjective being with a witnessing consciousness, all aspects of the body, mind and emotions are revealed in their refined potential. With the whole person being accepted as divine, each aspect of being human can become a door to expanded consciousness. Tantra teaches how to embrace our whole experience of human existence, including sexuality, and in so doing experience something of who we really are and our relationship to the Divine.

Central to Tantra is the understanding that sexual energy is our life force, and that the universe, and humans as individuals, are all filled with the same energy. Sexual energy is reclaimed as sacred, healing the split between body and spirit. Any repression of this energy leaves us unbalanced and damaged. Trauma, (grief, pain, embarrassment, physical or emotional abuse etc.) stored in our body as a body memory results in blockages or limitations which continue throughout our lives, reducing our emotional and physical well-being, inhibiting our flow of energy and limiting a full expression of life and sexuality. Tantra can be seen as a reconciliation of sexuality and spirituality.

In its very essence Tantra is the yoga of presence, of becoming aware or conscious of “what is” in the body at any given moment. This includes our emotions and thoughts as we learn to accept whatever is arising in the moment without judgment.

The refined potential of every human being is Divine, and Tantra shows you how to experience this divineness in a busy life through a new understanding of how to cultivate male and female energy and use it to our best potential. The very basic and single most important aspect of tantric sexuality and meditation is breath, which is fundamental to our very being. With the conscious use of breath during the sexual union it becomes the highest prayer, the closest humans can get to being and feeling Divine. What is more, in the very moment of orgasm, something unique and profound occurs: we drop personal identity, all that we identify as “the me” in our lives and become, for some few moments, the Divine essence that we truly are. Orgasm is the simplest way of dropping our ego’s - all it takes to experience this, is conscious awareness of that very moment. In this space, be it with a partner or alone, we merge with Consciousness and experience Bliss. Once experienced, we no longer seek that great orgasm for the sake of it, we no longer seek perpetual sexual escapades that leave us empty. We seek only to “Be”, in the moment, pure, simple, just who we really are.

The eastern Mystic Osho once said” Sex is just the beginning, not the end, but if you miss the beginning, you will miss the end also". In order to have fulfilling relationships we need a fulfilling sexuality, and more so, we need the reconciliation of sexuality and spirituality. It is the separation of the two that predicts frustration, dooming the very relationships we hold so high, to become simply getting through life’s turmoil’s, with little of the peace of being that we long for.

A tantric journey, both for individuals and couples, offers a wonderful answer to all of this. It takes courage to go this route, but it is rewarding in a very real sense, not just sexually. There is an abundance of literature on the market available as a guide, however the best way of experiencing Tantra and starting this journey, is with a dedicated and genuine teacher, teaching from the heart and with love, who will guide you in either individual sessions or in residential retreats. The reward for both individuals and couples is great.

You can begin right where you now are, and what is more, there is nothing you have to believe in, no dogma to be accepted, in order to experience the benefits of Tantra.

Ma Anand Leandra (September 2010)

"The first part has to be sex.
The second part has to be love.
The third part has to be prayer, and the fourth has to be transcendence.
So from the gross to the subtle you move.
And in the fourth, sex has to completely disappear, love too, prayer too.
Make it absolutely silent, peaceful, meditative...
not even a trace is left.
These are the four stages of Neo-Tantra...”
Osho

Life is the rose in my heart...

Life is the rose in my heart.
Life is the scent of roses radiating through me.

Life is the sun in my in breast making the rose bloom.

Life is the rain on my skin nourishing the blossom.

Life is the wind in my soul chasing the clouds away.

Life is the storm in my mind bringing new clarity.

Life is the fire in my yoni burning the old and growing the new.

Life is the love in my heart,
blossoming like a rose and filling space with it's beauty and fragrance.

Life is the air that breathes me and the power that carries me.

Life is the love flowing through my heart making me all that I am.

Life is all that I am:
Beloved heart forever glowing, Beloved rose forever blooming.

Poem & both paintings by Ma Anand Leandra
(Aquarelle on paper)

Follow up on my last blog re tantric massage training...

Hi everyone,
I just heard about the latest training method for tantra massage: teach yourself, give a friend (who is a regular massage therapist) a massage and receive one from him and get him to give you a certificate! So beware when you read "I am currently in training". Ask who the trainer is, what his/her background is and just how many hours training is taking place. If you don't, you may find yourself getting a tantric massage by such a "trained & certified" practitioner.

This is by the way the training that the person I described in my previous blog who works in Bryanston, Johannesburg is undergoing. She had 9 hours of a 60 hour training with me before she broke the training off and started advertising tantric massage on her website. She also advertises on her website that she is currently in training and will soon be receiving her certificate.

I don't mind what people do, but I do mind when clients are conned into believing someone is trained and certified in any massage, let alone tantric massage. And remember, tantric massage is not any massage, slightly changed to be more sensual with the added benifit of a "happy end". That is sensual massage or erotic massage, and no matter how good it is, it is not, cannot be tantric massage.
Make sure you get the real deal when seeking tantric massage - and ask yourself, what the worth of a practitioner is who advertises like this.
Do I have a chip on my shoulder? Probably, but I think it is a good one!

Warm greetings
Leandra

What does spring have to do with tantric massage?

The last time I wrote in my journal, winter was coming alive and this time it is spring's turn to peek-a-boo at us as the last cold days slowly recede.


Have you noticed the first new fresh leaves appearing on some shrubs or emerging buds on otherwise empty branches...dainty, translucent light green against the dark green of winter ever greens? Oh how I love the contrasting colours as the cold yields to the arrival of the warmer season allowing the new and the old to stand adjunct each other. There is no other season that shows so clearly that everything in life is a continual process of death and new birth.


Theories on Creativity & Problem Solving are a bit like spring

Is it not like this when we make changes in our lives? The old is still apparent while the new is emerging, and we have a chance to look at both, a chance to re-visit what we are leaving behind while embracing that which is new. It is, to me, awe inspiring and quite amaizing. It is also extremely difficult. In theories of creativity and problem solving, this is recognised as the emotionally most uncomfortable phase. It is the so-called “Incubation Phase”. The creative solution or answer is not quite clear and the old and the new stand side by side. Thoughts and reasoning, accompanied by the respective attached emotions, sway back and forth until such time as what is called “illumination” is experienced. This is sometimes called an “ah-hah experience”.


But more about this in another journal entry, what is relevant here, is the fact that creativity can be defined quite simply as the ability to look at one thing and see another.


There are a number of different theories on creativity, but what they have in common is that, it is seen to be a destructive/constructive process during which old perceptions are destroyed and replaced by new ones, and that the process is guided by the subconscious, which normally is restrained, but during a creative process needs to be, and usually is, far less restrained.

Creative or problem solving processes

A creative process involves combining and recombining previously known elements into new, unique configurations. In order to be creative, one has to be divergent, convergent, and evaluative, and this is measured by the flexibility and fluency of our responses. One needs to be sensitive to what needs changing, in order to redefine the information or the situation. And in the end, the success of any creative or problem solving process is based on the originality of the result or product. The product is always a transformation of something known into something not previously known.


Spring symbolises or rather epitomises this process. Although the process of a particular flower springing forth form a closed bud is well known to us, each flower is, each and every time, completely unique.

Spring in terms of personal changes


For us, spring is often a time when, coming out of the cold, withdrawn winter days, we feel new life emerging as we become more active and begin to put plans and ideas, pondered on during the less energetic winter months, into action. This is often when the new feels ready to come alive, ready to be born, ready to be implemented, and also a time when we ourselves feel ready to finally give birth to something new in our lives.


It is not surprising to me that, in my life, this is exactly what is happening. I have come out of a long period of trying to do something which would just not materialise. Accompanied by feelings of despondence and perseverance, of hope and disappointment, of trust and disbelief, with spring emerging, finally all my efforts appear to have formed a new bud, and the blossom is slowly beginning to break through.

First of all I want to share with you that which is old and withered and receding in a sense, and then I will also share with you the new, a tender bud ready to burst into life, a new creation  - something about my personal destructive/constructive process. And in sharing this I hope to offer an answer to the question: what makes a tantric massage practitioner real?

Finding women to work with


It has been a very long and difficult journey trying to find women to train in tantric massage. Those of you who have followed my journal since 2008 will know this. Time and time again, I had so much hope and put in so much effort, and each time it would not materialise the way I had envisaged. Left, right and centre, the women changed their minds, often even before the training started. There seem to be many reasons for this, the main one was always their fear of the intimate, sexual aspect of the work.

Over time, I have had to recognise however, it was also the way I was going about things that was causing me difficulties. I was offering the training free of charge, and I was too trusting - so I have been told by those who know me well – and the combination of the two would not, could not work.

Tantra Sacred Massage training program


So early this year, I changed this, set up a detailed 60 hour training program for a nominal fee. It was neatly designed to include practical and theoretical work as well as an "on the job" internship in my Tantra Sacred Massage practice, culminating finally in Practical’s, whereby the student would work with clients under my before-and-after supervision. These sessions were to be documented, and finally there would be an oral exam on the basis of this documentation. A certificate and membership in NITSA (National Institute of Tantra, South Africa) would complete the process. And in addition, there would be an abundance of work in my Tantra Sacred Massage practice. The new practitioner would work in my set up premises, with no personal cost involved except their transport to get there. I also I enlisted a corporate lawyer who set up a written agreement covering the training as well as the subsequent work and I finally, would continue to mentor the new practitioner.


The standards for training in Germany, where my own training was, are extremely high, resulting also in a high financial investment. I had tried to formulate a program that suited the particular situation in South Africa: lack of funds for a many people struggling to make a living and very short yearly leave. I was offering the minimum amount of time and costs for a maximum amount of good training, plus guaranteed work after training - what I was offering felt good and really and fair and I thought it would work well.


So what happened?

The first candidate...
was a 34 year old woman from my home village on the Durban South Coast. She and her partner were naturists and she already ran a small tantric massage practice from her home. Her “training” had been with a fellow naturist, a professional massage therapist who had adapted his work to include sensual massage. The issues with the intimate nature of the work that I had had in the past would not feature here.


Her training with me went very well - as long as we were working together. Then shortly after my dad became seriously ill, I asked her to go to Johannesburg to take the already fully booked massage sessions on her own, avoiding having to cancel them – and this is when everything began to go horribly wrong.


She missed bookings, I received reports that she was late, that the room was totally unprepared and cold, that she was even speaking badly about me and that on one occasion, she was busy massaging a friend when the booked student arrived. Our communication seemed to have broken down as she did not take my calls or answer my SMS.


Only when her boyfriend let something slip in a conversation with me, did I begin to understand: she had been advertising erotic massages with “happy endings” secretly on a website using nude photos of herself to animate people to book! I needed to protect myself and my work and booked an immediate flight to Johannesburg. Ten minutes before I even arrived at my garden cottage in Greenside, she had left, on foot, suitcase and all.


The second candidate...
was a holistic massage practitioner based in Johannesburg. As she had an 8 year old daughter, she wanted to combine a beach holiday with her daughter with the start of the training, and so we arranged for her to begin her training during the school holidays. I generously took them both into my home for 10 days as she had no money to finance accommodation – I know, same story, I was too trusting - and thus we began the training.


I arranged a meeting with the lawyer who set up the agreement, and when she asked for some changes to be made, I readily agreed. Part of the discussion (and the agreement) was the fact that she would not offer tantric massage from her holistic massage practice. This would have defeated the purpose of taking her into my practice. She had no problem in agreeing to keep her holistic massage practice and my tantric massage practice completely separate.


Now this 47 year old woman had absolutely no prior experience with Tantra, she had indeed never even read a book about Tantra and knew very little what it was about. I felt however, that the training would give her all she needed to get started and that my continued mentorship would do the rest. She had told me that she offered "happy endings" for certain clients, and so it again appeared that the intimacy problems of previous candidates would not feature here. I could not have been further from the truth!


The training began with my giving her a very first experience of a tantric massage. It remained incomplete as she refused to receive the yoni massage. We discussed her fears at length, and agreed that we would take the time she needed to get accustomed to the idea of the yoni massage.


We then used the 4-handed massage on a client who offered to be the guinea-pig for her first training session. She however felt nauseous when I was giving the lingam massage and later told me that, this was how she always felt when she gave her "happy endings". The reason for this, so she told me, was the fact that she had worked as a prostitute in her twenties and had learnt to shut down her emotions. She further told me, that she had been sexually molested by her father as a child and had received no therapy for this. I explained that it was here that she learnt to shut down her emotions, and she had never learnt to recover them. Again we agreed that we would take all the time she needed for her to heal these wounds, and indeed, a tantric process was ideal. I undertook to work carefully and gently, her personal healing was paramount to her working with clients professionally with Tantra Sacred Massage.


Another piece of information she gave me was why she gave some clients “happy endings” in her holistic massage practice, although doing this made her feel sick: she was not getting many bookings, she desperately needed the cash, and the “happy endings” meant “they (the clients) will come back. I do it for the money”.


By the time she left, she had had a wonderful free holiday with her daughter and we had completed only 9 training hours. She had not received or given a yoni massage, she had not given or learnt to give the lingam massage. She did experience half a tantric massage, and had experienced my work in two massage sessions. After her nausea during the first session however, I had to ask her to leave the room before I gave the lingam massage in the second session - my student from Germany was well experienced in receiving tantric massages and had paid for his session, I was not going to compromise his experience as a result of her inhibitions. .


She also had also, as all my student do, had a brief introduction to the basic tantric breathing technique, which she was to practice on a daily basis before we would continue the training in Johannesburg three weeks later. Finally I loaned her some good tantric reading material and she returned to Johannesburg.


Again, immediately after her leaving, the communication broke down. After a few days, I visited her website and guess what? She was advertising tantric massage as a service for a fee. When I dared to mention to her "you're not supposed to be doing this..." she exploded, highly dramatic, and after a series of erratic and very rude SMS, claiming amongst other things, that I had a control problem, and that I must be a very unhappy person, she refused to take my calls. Needless to say, she also refused to pay the final training instalment, nor did she sign the agreement - and I struggled to get my books back.


A short while later, her website boasted testimonials from more than satisfied clients raving about her “magic”, about being elevated 6cm above the table, about feeling relaxed to the extent it was like they were “drugged”, about her “magical” fingertips and the fact that she breathed with them throughout the session....and wow, wow, wow! Her website now offers "Transforming Tantric Massage" given by a "Tantriker" and the list of similar testimonials gets longer and longer.


The description of what tantric massage is and does is mostly about the “power” her clients are able feel after undergoing one of her tantric massages, plus a whole lot of other stuff, taken from the books I loaned her and from information I had so freely given her, mostly taken totally out of context – for anyone who has experienced the “real thing” it would be very clear that she really has no idea, but I assume it sounds good to the unknowledgeable reader.


I'm going to end my account of the story here, the rest is irrelevant.


My thoughts on this...


My shock about this is not so much about what happened to me – I have learnt so much from this experience that my profit is great. Far more, I am absolutely devastated by the fact that I made this possible.


Putting untrained, inexperienced people on the market, people who use Tantra as a quick fix to cash inflow problems, goes against everything I stand for, against what the path of Tantra is, against my professionalism, against my effort to offer South Africans practitioners who are not only well trained, but who have overcome their own personal issues around sexuality.


I don't doubt for one second that her clients are happy with what she does and if the testimonials are real, that they really feel she is some kind of very special massage practitioner. But is this tantric massage? That is the real question here.


Tantric Massage Training...


So obviously, if I am implying that it is not, what then is real tantric massage, what is a gifted tantric massage practitioner and last but not least, what is a real tantriker?


First of all, going by the training offered in Germany, which probably has one of the longest tantric traditions in the western world (dating back to the seventies), certainly boasts one of the largest tantric communities with an abundance of tantric schools and tantric massage practices, extensive training is necessary.


Nidhana from the UK, Lisa and Nils Kreidner from Germany, who all, on my invitation, worked with me here in South Africa, have had extensive training lasting literally years. The same applies to my own training. In addition we all have intensive professionally related trainings that impact directly on the work we now do.
Read more about their trainings go to the previous blog article or click on this link: http://leandrasjournal.blogspot.com/2010/08/tantra-training.html

We all come from, and have, different traditions, but the one thing we have in common, is extensive training, all of which started with many, many personal receiving, healing sessions with a qualified and experienced trainer.


We also have in common that we love and respect our trainers for what they gave us. We show them our recognition by naming them on our websites and sharing anecdotes from our own training in the work and amongst each other. We all have a very real sense of gratitude towards these trainers and have a connection with them, years after training. We would not dream of disowning our trainers, or of doing them wrong or showing them disrespect. This does not mean we agree with everything they do and say, the difference is that, as tantrics, we know how valuable these differences are.


To quote Nils Kreidner:


"The secret to authentic charisma lies in the ability to courageously and openly speak and live your truth and at the same time to absolutely welcome the truths of your fellow human beings, to actually fall in love with their different perspective and diversity."


Another thing we have in common is, we got over inhibitions, conditioning, trauma, sexual hurt, and inner fears, and to at least some extent our egos or "sense of valuable self" during our extensive spiritual trainings. We all are today, emotionally and sexually well adapted and open individuals, genuinely warm, loving and joyous in our lives, which we live to the full in one or other way. We all do not need to be praised into the heavens by our clients and indeed, the kind of praise on the above mentioned website, would be an indication that we are doing something very wrong! I tell my students "this is not about anything I do and I don't want you to be dependent on my massages. I want to give you the tools to understand that what you experience is all within you...all I offer you is the key to open closed doors and discover who and what you really are".


Oh yes, we all receive deep gratitude and warmth from our students, and are even deeply loved. This however, is not for how well we touch their bodies, but for how we touch their hearts and for how our work impacts positively on their lives.


Perhaps then, we are not the "real thing..."? I don’t think so!


What is genuine tantric practice..?


Tantra is NEVER about the practitioner and what their fingers, hands or bodies can do. It is never about having to go back to that particular person because of the magic they make possible. It is never about ego. Never! Real tantric work is always very modest, and it has to be if the spiritual process we have undergone has gone to the core of our being. We are not perfect human beings - we do however certainly aspire to live the perfection that we know we fundamentally are. We come from a place of perfection, and the objective of human life is to overcome the experience of separateness our humanity leaves us in, and reconnect with a deeply rooted experience of our real, spiritual nature.


One of the main informative Hinduism websites explains this what a tantric process is beautifully:


"Tantra itself means "to weave, to expand, and to spread", and according to tantrik masters, the fabric of life can provide true and ever-lasting fulfilment only when all the threads are woven according to the pattern designated by nature. When we are born, life naturally forms itself around that pattern. But as we grow, our ignorance, desire, attachment, fear, and false images of others and ourselves tangle and tear the threads, disfiguring the fabric. Tantra "sadhana" or practice reweaves the fabric, and restores the original pattern. This path is systematic and comprehensive."


Read more: http://hinduism.about.com/od/tantra/a/what_is_tantra.htm)


The article further makes clear that today in both the West and East, "a large number of tantrik enthusiasts mistakenly identify Tantra as the yoga of sex, magic, witchcraft, seduction, and an amalgam of techniques for influencing the minds of others".




Tantra "training" via DVD's, books and the internet...


There are a number of untrained people offering sensual massage under the banner of tantra massage in South Africa and many more world wide who have learnt by watching DVD's and reading books.


In the day of DVD's and the internet as well as an abundance of literature, I think we could agree that professionalism, in any area of life, still requires personal teaching and that at it's best modern technowledgy is befincial when it comes to easily accessible information. It does not make us professionals - and this applies to any training what so ever.


Tantric massage given by an untrained practitioner is, at its worst, manipulation, often to the extent that the client becomes dependant on the “blissful feeling” energy the practitioner is able to induce. At its best, it is a very good erotic massage.


I do have an issue with manipulation.I do not have an issue with good erotic massage. It is a useful service. But it can at the very most, bring temporary relief to symptoms of aloneness and create a "blissful feeling".


Had my teachers simply assisted me in having a "blissful feeling" with them, I would not have had the deeply mystical and transforming experiences that led to where I am today in my life. Had they not instilled in me that they were not teaching me anything, but only helping me to unlock that which was hidden inside of my being, I would probably still want to sit in their shadows, "feeling blissful" in their presence - and I would still be living from a space of personal trauma, fear and neediness, still looking for fulfilment outside of my being.


What then is the real thing?


Tantra is a spiritual teaching, uplifting the lives of those who are living with emotional pain and limiting conditioning, and for those who sincerely seek more meaning to life. This is what genuine tantric teachers and massage practitioners do. This is what Tantra is about. And it takes a genuine, real life teacher trainer or or guru to teach the teachers. Just because we all like to eat good tasty food, does not make us all five star cooks! Just because we all have sex, does not make us experts in sexual matters. On the contrary, the untrained and unmentored practitioner of Tantra can do a whole lot wrong. At its best, it can give people a good feeling, at its worst it can actually hurt and harm.
Thus my account of the old and dying branches of winter ends. I now I want to share the spring buds appearing on the dried out branches of my being.


The third candidate...
was a young 27 year old woman from Cape Town. She already had a tantric massage practice in Cape Town for some years and wanted to further her training with me. Her original training took place in South Africa, but with a visiting Ayurvedic and tantric practitioner from India, on his frequent private visits to family here in South Africa.


We connected in a deep way. Her understanding of Tantra was already very good, her work very real, I felt her passion easily, and so we quickly planned the future of our connection with each other...only to run into having to confront some of our deepest fears!


The difference here was: we were both willing and able to face them. In this particular destruction/ construction process we feared what we were giving up, afraid of what we would lose, protecive of what we has already achieved. We struggled to believe what we would gain, at times not wanting to see the added value we would give to each other if we put our work together. We battled with this over a period of about two intensive, deeply emotional months. Communication did not break down - it persevered in one way or another, until finally, the fears receded. The bud of this process finally emerged and and now it is spring time and the blossom is slowly breaking the bud open to show something of the beauty it will become.


I share this with you all just as it is right now. There is no promise of success, just the promise of the process and both of us going with it to where ever it takes us.


Samantha is working in Cape Town


So with great joy, I welcome Samantha from Lila Tantra to Tantra Sacred Massage. As of today, yes, this very day, she and I are entering a trial period of working together, and I have taken on the task of mentoring her. The difference in our ages makes this actually quite easy for us- we are mother and daughter, but also sisters, friends and fellow tantrics. And what is more, we are both students and teachers of each other, as is fitting for a true teacher/student relationship.


Samantha is a true tantric. She lives the life right down to the core of her being, as I do. Tantra is not something she only does when she is working, it is the way she lives, the way she connects with people, the way she treats those close to her, the way she deals with difficulties, the way she loves!


To become what is sometimes called a "tantriker" takes years. It does not meal sexually open, it does not mean earning hard cash through tantric massages, it does not mean DVD’s have been watched and books read. It means we have gone through an intense process that took years, during which we transformed to be who we are today.


Samantha and I are excited and you will, no doubt, see where this takes us and where it takes tantric massage in South Africa. We are both passionate about putting the real thing out there and our hope is that we will, eventually, find others to share this wonderful work with us.


Read more about Samantha on the Tantra Sacred Massage website: http://www.tantra-massage.co.za/pages/about-samantha.php


And what about future massage trainings...?


I will no longer offer training on a one-on-one basis. I will no longer take untrained people into practical work with my students. What I now will be offering, is a training program in the form of a series of residential weekends. The successful participation of these, will open the door to working with real clients – than and only then. This is the result of my destructive/constructive process as far as the training goes.


The first weekend will take place in the Western Cape in November and in the Northern Drakensberg early next year: A Taste Of Eros I- Tantric Touch & Massage Retreat. The first two weekends are open to all; the last two are for those wanting a professional qualification.


Read about this on the Durga Tantra Website: http://www.durgatantraschool.co.za/pages/retreat-schedule/taste-of-eros---massage.php


These are not the only buds growing on my tree of life at the moment. There are many more in my personal spring. I share these with you now, and some of the others, I will share these with you at a later stage.


Thank you for reading this lengthy journal posting. I hope it offers you some insight into what makes a real tantric massage practitioner. I hope that ir helps you make a more educated choice when you surf the net looking for tantric massage and tantric teachings. If this is the case, my posting has served its purpose.


Namaste
Leandra

Qualifications of Tantra professionals...

To become a genuine Tantra Coach or Tantra Massage Practitioner requires extensive training. By example of the following practitioners, I'd like to give you an idea of the extent of the kind of training required to become genuine professional practitioners as well as my own trainings. 

Nils Kreidner: Director of Sahaja Tantra, Germany & Tantra Massage Practitioner
Lisa (Germany) and Nidhana (U.K.): Tantra Massage Practitioners
Ma Anand Leandra: Personal Tantra Coach, Director of the Durga Tantra School, South Africa, Tantra Massage Practitioner

(Nils, Lisa & Nidhana all visited and worked with me in South Africa on my invitation)

Tantra Trainings:

Nils trained for 2 years with a well known and successful school in Germany to become a qualified tantra teacher. He furthered his training with extensive tantra massage trainings.

Nidhana also trained for two years with an equally well known and successful Tantra school in the U.K., and had at least three years of training in tantric massage before she opened her practice.

Lisa trained for two years with the oldest Tantra school in Germany and now regularly assists with the trainings offered by the school.

Leandra trained with three different schools, one in South Africa and two in Germany. She has been classically initiated into Tantra by Swami Advait Rahassya and underwent further training with an international tantric touch expert, who came out of his retirement, to train her.

Previous trainings in related fields:

Nils began when he was 7 years old in Martial Arts, he subsequently became a 5th Dan expert in a comprehensive Japanese system, he quaified as a yoga teacher in India and is also a trained meditation teacher - this training started when he was 17! He has a teacher or guru that he follows around the world at least once a year, in order to simply be in his presence and learn from him, and he will join up with him again in India in January 2011, after the 21-day International Teacher Training which we are facilitating in the Northern Drakensberg in December. He also has other trainings, all offered by internationally well known teachers: seduction training with an international facilitator, wilderness training with a North American Indian.

Lisa has a very specialised and official training of a number of years, which empowers her to work with physically and mentally challenged people assisting and accompanying them with their sexually. She is one of very few qualflied practitioners working in Germany in this field.

Nidhana has had extensive training in Vortex Energy Healing, participated in the first group to have had this alternative healing work transmitted by one of only two world wide teachers. She is also a disciple of the Diving Mother Amma, and has spent time in her Ashram in India twice.

Leandra is a qualified psychoanalytical Art Therapist in Germany (a 4-year training), and has an abundance of further trainings in the psychotherapeutical field with international teachers. She also has 3-years training in Lomi Bodywork and all in all, about 30 years of experience working full time, professionally in Germany with all this.

She ran a busy private practice for 6 years before opening her Art Therapy training institute in Hamburg, Germany, (Institut fuer Interdisziplinaere Kunsttherapie), where she taught on-going art therapists in a unique method she developed: Psychodynamic, Process-Orientated Art Therapy. She presented this method was presented at leading Art Therapy and Psychotherapy conferences in the U.K, Germany, Austria and South Africa over a period of a number of years. She also was the chairperson of the governing body for the Arts Therapies in Germany for two years before returning to South Africa 8 years ago.

Her first spiritual teacher was Art Reade, a Mexican Apache and she participated in all his trainings over a period of 3 years in the eighties. She is a Sanyassin of Osho, the eastern Mystic who first made Tantra accessible to the western mind and who called her to him after her initiation into Tantra.

Death is a strange thing....but not morbid at all!

Death is a strange thing. We know our whole lives about the fact of death, but when it enters our personal experience of life, it hits us like a brick wall. Until experienced at close quarters, we have no idea just what it feels like to be confronted with it.

As children we still have a natural curiosity about in death. I remember how my daughter took great interest in dead beetles or a dead new born bird that had fallen out of its nest lying on the pavement. She asked questions like “Where is it now?” and “What does “dead” mean?” and found the whole matter, not alarming, but rather interesting.

We lose this natural capacity to be curious about death as we grow older and learn that it is one of the taboo themes, slowly but surely, encroaching our lives. It is hushed, not openly spoken about, until at some stage, it seems not to belong to life at all - except for in insurance policies and news items. Death thus slowly becomes something to be fearful about. Other than that, it becomes a quiet thing in our lives, a stranger – until such time as we are personally confronted with it in one way or another.

My own relationship with death prior to the recent passing of my father was really quite good. Part of my tantric initiation was facing my fears around dying...and growing up in South Africa with burglar guards and security firms, violence on street corners and sometimes a rather brutal law enforcement, it was substantial. Facing these fears, I found a willingness to embrace death as something natural, even beautiful, as my understanding of the natural cycle of our life-force energy, not only in nature, but particularly also as human beings, grew. As my understanding of the naturalness of and what awaits us after death grew, so my fear naturally subsided.

But nothing of this prepared me for the impact it would have on me when my father died. It felt like nothing I had experienced before, it felt totally new and very deep and quite shocking.

The feeling of unchangeable loss was just as much a physical as well as emotional. In Tantra we embrace all feelings, all emotions, all experiences with totality, and we learn to own them completely as our own. Allowing the depth of the experience to increase, we are catapulted into the moment of “what is” completely. As we go from moment to moment in this way, we are truly in life, in living, in experiencing, in being, in being alive with the energy of life. Sometimes this is playful, sometimes joyful, sometimes it feels great. Other times, depending on what it is we are embracing, it almost feels static and overbearing, as if we are shutting down. But, in reality, it never is. In such a moment there are many nuances. Sadness is not just sad. It is so many things. It includes anger, regret and pain but also joy – if only we are willing to see it.

Death is such a thing. It feels sad to those looking on, but in reality it is just as wonderful a celebration as birth itself – only at the opposite end of life as human beings. It is a releasing of human life energy to become fully what we are, what we are meant to be, what we have strived to be and if we are willing, we can experience something of this as we look oh with sadness.

I chose a passage from Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet to read at the family funeral as well as at the large civic memorial service that the city of Durban gave my dad. Being a public figure, we had to, as a family, endure both services within two days of each other, and we wanted both to be a celebration of his life and so they were. This passage from Gibran had great meaning to me. Apart from becoming a fan of his writings as a pseudo-hippy in the late sixties (The Prophet, for all who do not know it, this is a must read on any spiritual path), there is something else that drew me to this passage when I was contemplating what to read at the funeral and memorial service.

My dad was a paraplegic from age three after contracting polio. I knew him from babyhood to have four legs. Two wearing trousers, and two made of wood, their tops covered in dark red, or black or green velvet, and he propelled himself forwards in quite a bumpy fashion. To me it was natural. That was how he was. I don’t recall exactly when it dawned on me that he was different, I assume it did at some stage, he however always remained just my dad and no different from any other dad who was just like something else. He drove a car, we went on holiday every year to his sister’s farm in the then Transvaal and he would drive the eight or nine hours solid to get there. He took us to the beach or to the drive-in, I sat on his lap listening to the wonderful stories he told, he dried my hair with a towel – he did all the things that other fathers generally did with their children. Even when he stopped walking with splints on his legs and crutches under his arms, and took to a wheelchair some time in his sixties, he was simply still just dad.

This changed dramatically for me seeing him in his ICU bed which he occupied for four weeks before passing away. He lay in bed without his splints, without his wheelchair nearby, his torso weakened by the operation he had had, he was helpless, unable to move. His strong shoulders and arms used so much to allow him movement, could no longer hold him, and every move he made, had to be done for him. I enjoyed the closeness this allowed me, as for the first time I was able to touch him as much as I liked. I stroked his head, massaged his feet and hands, and I put my hands under the blankets and stroked his chest and tummy and even his little legs. It was really only during this time that the reality of his physical handicap really impacted on me. And this is why this passage from The Prophet so easily came to mind as something I would want to read at the funeral and memorial.

In the first few days after his passing, I would sit on my veranda listening to the thrashing waves of the Indian Ocean, the comforting sea breeze and the night sounds of the crickets and frogs in my garden, and I would wonder where he is, where his energy had gone, what his consciousness was like. What I “saw” after four weeks of this helplessness, was that he was now dancing, freed from the physicality that he had overcome all of his life to be simply the man he was, fathering three children, becoming a highly respected member of the community, both in business as well as, together with my mom, his life-long humanitarian work, which has left an indelible mark on the city of Durban.

I never really thought about how hard it must have been for him at times, of how much more difficult life for him had been. The pain of realising this was huge and a sense of guilt arose in me, guilt for not understanding this earlier. To me he was always so strong and so capable, that I never saw him as a paraplegic until just before his death. The guilt was short lived. He would not have wanted it otherwise. He never asked for special attention. He led businesses, board meetings, gave talks and took on top roles in commerce and society with ease. Only the on-lookers would hold a breath when they saw him for the first time standing or walking with his crutches. His life was an inspiration to others who are physically challenged; an inspiration to be who they are in spite of the challenges they face. An inspiration to follow their dreams and fulfil their aspirations. Much in the same way as he was, as my dad, a major inspiration in my life.

Some few weeks before he became ill, he watched the interview with me about my work on the Let’s Chat With Mel show on M-net Series and loved it! He thought I was doing wonderful, very necessary work and encouraged me, saying “...you have to write a book”. Two days before he died, he repeated this: “You have to write a book about your work and you have to do it now. Don’t delay, don’t put it off. You must do it right away.” He said this with such determination, that it made a mark on me. I have taken this, his last wish for me, earnestly and I have started! I have a wonderful researcher assisting me and I intend to take time, to make the time, to get this well on its way before the end of the year.

But I digress. I was writing about my evenings on the veranda trying to come to terms with my dad’s death and contemplating where he now was. At some stage a thought came to me: “He is now free of his physical body, he is probably dancing now, dancing somewhere out there”! And thus Gibran’s The Prophet came to mind.

The book is a lovely little story about Almustafa, an old wise man who had lived the final years of his life, a lonely twelve years, in the city of Orphalese waiting for “his ship that was to return and bear him back to the isle of his birth.” On the eve of his final journey, the people of Osphalese finally began gathering to hear what he had to say, and so he returns from the shore to meet them and answer their questions, thinking “Shall the day of parting be the day of gathering? And shall it be said that my eve was in truth my dawn?”

And as the story unravels, the people of Orphalese ask him questions about life. His answers are valid to all of us today and are an inspiration for all aspects of life – about men and women, children, friendship, marriage, love, money, work, pleasure, beauty, prayer, religion ...and much more until the final question came:

“Then Almitra spoke, saying, We would ask now of Death.

And he said:
You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The night owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.


In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?


For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.”

Namaste
Leandra

An introduction to the Path of Tantra

I so often get asked: "What is Tantra really about - is it all about great sex...?", and told how confusing it is looking for answers on the net. There are many paths of Tantra, many ways of teaching, and yes, it can be extremely confusing trying to bring it all down to some kind of understandable common denominator. With this journal entry, I'd like to make an attempt at clarifying some aspects of what Tantra is.
For those wanting to delve more practically into what Tantra is and what it offers, this month's Tantric Fire Couple's Retreats being held in Stanford and the Northern Drakensberg, and the Come Together Single's Retreat in the Northern Drakensberg, are excellent ways to start!

Warm greetings to you all
Leandra

An introduction to the Path of Tantra
Tantric literature on the market today, is often in the form of "how to" sex manuals, promising bigger and better orgasms and more sexual satisfaction. Tantra is however much more than a “school of sex”! It could however be called a “school of love” as it is a teaching of non-judgmental, absolute unconditional love. What it is, is a spiritual path teaching meditation in the most physical moments of human experience, positively encompassing and influencing all aspects of life, particularly relationships of all kinds.

Although we are living in the age of sexual liberation, it is rare to find people enjoying a fulfilling sexuality. The sexual revolution of the sixties in fact, has led to marketing life's most intimate moments, resulting in floods of images that appear to have liberated us from conventional norms but in fact, have simply created a new cliché.

Over and above this, many adults are burdened with sexually repressive conditioning from childhood, education, religion, and in South Africa, we know too well that even politics and governments can play a huge role in how we think and feel and with whom we engage with sexually. We have been led to believe that spirituality and sexuality are divided and we struggle to find meaning in our sexuality.

In addition, the pressures of busy and stressful modern life - of finding that “soul mate” and then the challenge of long lasting relationships and marriage, as well as bringing up children within full working lives - presents an enormous strain on individuals and couples. The principles of our performance-oriented society have forced their way into the bedroom resulting in more and more men and women experiencing sexual difficulties. Intimacy is often reduced to having sex as a kind of sleeping pill at night, resulting in a “quick” release of tension and a general feeling of emptiness. Equally dissatisfying for many individuals is one or other form of living promiscuously, one partner after the other, experiencing intimacy that is not uplifting and lacking in real joy, resulting in lives that are often accompanied by loneliness and a lack of fulfillment.

For many, the only way to combat this is by delving further into a materialistically orientated way or life, thrill seeking activities, substance dependencies and often some form of depression. Yet we long for vitality in our relationships and for a form of spirituality that affirms the unity of body and soul.

Despite the fact that it is thousands of years old, Tantra presents us with a possibility to transcend such difficulties arising from this very modern situation. Tantra cultivates, deepens and spiritualises human nature without presenting it as imperfect or repressing it. Rather than concentrating on physical pleasure alone, Tantra details the mental states to be achieved during sexual activity enabling us to bridge the gap of sexuality and spirituality.

An ever-expanding system that has matured through the ages, Tantra trains the body to improve its capacity for the flow of life energy, giving the mind a higher ability to concentrate, and the soul ease and lightness.

In contrast to traditional psychotherapy, esoteric and other healing modes, Tantra uses the body and its physical expression to work on blockages in the subconscious, embracing the sexual emotionally, physically and spiritually and thus doing, satisfying and amplifying the human soul. Most of us, have forgotten how to contact and live from a place of being whole and perfect already. Tantra shows us the way back home. Sometimes called a path to Enlightenment, to Bliss, Nirvana, Ecstasy, which occurs through the marriage of energy and consciousness, Tantra teaches you how.

From a tantric perspective, each human being is understood as a reflection of the entire cosmos. By entering inside one's own subjective being with a witnessing consciousness, all aspects of the body, mind and emotions are revealed in their refined potential. With the whole person being accepted as divine, each aspect of being human can become a door to expanded consciousness.
What is Tantra?

Tantra is an art, a method and a science, an outlook and a way of life that teaches us how to open our hearts, how to embrace our emotionality and sexuality, enabling us to celebrate the whole of life while recognising the Divine essence within all beings. Tantra is in effect an experiential path of transformation.

Originating in what is now modern India, Tantra is at least 5000-7000 or more years old, pre-dating and influencing both Hinduism and Buddhism. All world religions have subsequently had some form of tantric past, subsequently destroyed by main-stream fundamentalists. The result is that many religions believe you can have either physical pleasure or spiritual growth, but not both. Tantra disagrees entirely. Physical and sensual pleasure is understood as the key to our spiritual growth; without one, you can’t have the other.

The word Tantra is composed of the Sanskrit words for weaving and expansion. By weaving together, accepting and entering deeply into every aspect of our lives, including sexuality, our hearts and minds are able to expand into blissful oneness.

Another word for Tantra is Sacred Sexuality or Spiritual Sexuality. Everyone has their own definition of what is "spiritual" and "sacred" are, but most of us agree it refers to something wonderful, loving, joyous, and transcendent – something beyond us. And yet in Tantra we find that it is within us as well. Central to Tantra is the understanding that sexual energy is our life force, and that the universe and humans as individuals are all filled with the same energy. Sexual energy is reclaimed as sacred, healing the split between body and spirit. Therefore any repression of this energy leaves us unbalanced and damaged. Trauma, (e.g. grief and pain, embarrassment, physical or emotional abuse etc.) is stored in our body as a body memory. The effect of these memories are blockages – repression and limitations - which continue throughout our lives, reducing our emotional and physical well-being, inhibiting our flow of energy and limiting our expression of life and sexuality in one or another way.

Tantra rejects the repressive, moralistic, and self-denying code of living propounded by many religions and cultures, resulting in our emotional, sensual and our body’s sexual needs are met with guilt, repression, denial and punishment. When attention is paid to bodily needs, it’s usually aimed at avoidance, for example of disease or pregnancy. Little attention is paid to the development and expansion of our body’s sensuality and there is no other teaching that shows us how to embrace and value this as does the Path of Tantra. Tantra teaches how to embrace and value your sensual self, the whole of your body including your sexuality and in so doing experience something of who we really are and our relationship to the Divine.

In order to become whole, to grow and blossom as adults, these blockages and repressions need clearing from both our physical and psychic systems. One thing that most religions agree on is the fact that we are more than our physical body. The understanding in Tantra is that, there is actually no separation between our physical body and that which is more than the body. In fact, there is no separation between us and others, between us and the world around us, between us and all of existence. Tantra is a non-dualist understanding of the world. Each and every one of us, in essence, is already divine, whole, and perfect.

In its very essence Tantra is a yoga - the yoga of presence i.e. becoming aware or conscious of what is going on in your body, emotions, and thoughts, learning to accept whatever is arising in the moment without judgment. Sexual energy and our personal expression of sexuality are included in the tantric concept of the body and of life in general. Tantra can therefore be seen as a reconciliation of sexuality and spirituality.

Although tantric strands have emerged within various religions, Tantra itself is not a religion and requires no prior belief system. It is essentially an experiential path leading to gnosis (knowing through experience) or inner wisdom. We learn to go beyond the limitations of the ego, ultimately touching the limitlessness of the Universe and within that, our wholeness. In fact, with Tantra, each sensorial experience offers a door to cosmic consciousness.

How does Tantra do this?

The sensual component of tantric rituals is characterized by creative uses of dance, music, colours, flowers, aroma, food, and particularly our sense of touch. It is systematic, serious and thorough, but also playful, fun and wild, reclaiming the body, mind, and sprit to own as ones own. This leads to inner freedom - freedom to celebrate your body, your sexuality, your soul desires: freedom from fear, from guilt and shame; freedom to breathe and feel deeply; freedom to be fully present in the NOW.

A student of Tantra will at some stage, experience what is called a tantric awakening. This means gaining mastery of the emotions. All negative emotion, when projected toward others, is like a spinning wheel or magnet. It does nothing to address the source of the issue, and hurts ourselves even more than the other.

Two things are essential to, and at the same time the result of a tantric awakening:

1.) Conscious choice or taking responsibility for all our emotions and choices.

Blame and victimization lead to feelings of separateness and neediness. Subconsciously however, we know that we must be more than this. We really do want to create our own destinies and to take rightful ownership of our full power.

2.) Discarding internal agendas that do not serve our highest good.

This means the courage to know ourselves on a deep level, to know what we really want and then how to act on that desire. In other words, surrendering to the soul's desire and knowing that we are pure divinity. We are not the sum of our negative emotions, personal lies and the petty games we play. We are so much more than our judging, self-condemning mind would lead us to believe. We are talented, beautiful, and unique children of God.

The nature of Tantra is experiential. It is not something one can learn from a lecture or a book or by watching a DVD. These can only give ideas and hints. Tantra needs to be, has to be experienced. Whether you are single or in a relationship, you need to practice what you read and see. Your learning is essentially from your experiences. Each personal development in Tantra - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually - is totally unique. You can begin the Tantric path from wherever you are right now. If you have anger or hurt, you can discover the tremendous potential for spiritual awakening contained within that energy. If you are feeling sexual, this quality becomes a key to open all the secrets of human energy. All you need is a willingness to explore your inner world and be prepared to let go of conditioning and open your heart and soul to joy and bliss.

The best way of experiencing Tantra is with a dedicated and genuine teacher. In ancient times, Tantra being a secret path, teachers were hard to come by and difficult to find. Here in South Africa there are very few trained practitioners. However, there are opportunities in the form of individual sessions as well as weekend retreats. The National Institute of Tantra South Africa sets ethical standards for the work and will in the next few years compile a list of qualified practitioners as they emerge from training.

If you feel ready to begin right now, here are some exercises to begin your journey:

Exercises

1.) Using the senses to come into the body and the Now
Close or blindfold your eyes and focus the other senses (hearing, taste, smell) intensely for 15 – 30 minutes. Focus entirely on the experience.

2.) Using nature to experience our sense of touch

Find a pleasant place out of doors and close or blindfold your eyes. First use sound to draw you into the body – leaves rustling in the wind, waves thrashing onto the beach, birds etc. Then slowly focus on your open skin (arms, legs, face) and feel the air touching your skin, feel the breeze caressing you. Stay in this meditation as long as you are able.

3.) Tantric Breathing

Purse your lips as if you are going to whistle or drink through a straw. Breathe in and out through pursed lips, sucking the air in and gently blowing the air out. Pause on both the full breath and the empty breath and become aware of the changes in your body. Be aware of the 4 stages of breathing – the inward breath, the full breath, the outward breath and the empty breath state of the body. Do this at least 3 minutes every day. Repeat as often as you like.

4,) Tantric Touch with a partner and alone.

With a partner: choose who will be passive and who will be active and change roles later. Begin with tantric breathing to get into the body and the Now and continue this breathing throughout the exercise. Take at least 30 minutes to slowly touch and stroke your partner’s body. Be fully in your hands, experience his/her body as if you are touching it for the first time. Touch to please yourself, not to please your partner. You will find, this ensures that you in fact do please him/her when you touch in such a way that it is pleasing to yourself.

On your own: touch and stroke your body as if it were a lover’s body or as if you are touching your body for the first time. Discover and explore and touch in a way pleasing to yourself. Allow sensual sensations to arise without judgment.