Changes.....

Just 10 days ago, I announced the event of my taking a partner into this work. Prior to that, there had been a couple of months of preparation, training, of business planning and discussing the partnership agreement. In my excitement (perhaps over excitement) and my confidence that all was in good order, I put up the information about this. It was too soon. Sara has decided to remain in her accounting profession and not go through with the partnership. Her partner, Barry who was to facilitate retreats with me also decided not to go ahead as he wanted to do this in conjunction with Sara's work with me. So today I sadly write to inform you all of this change of events.

A dear friend wrote this to me this morning: "It's the strange and complex nature of people; it never ceases to delight, to disappoint, to love, to shock". Yes, that is so true. This is a huge disappointment for me, but certainly not one that affects the continuation of my work. I will need time to digest, assess the situation and to re-organise the first half of the year now and in due course I'll post information here.

My website has grown over the years and is in the process of being tidied up and modernised. As soon as the new one is ready, it will go online with a calendar of events, a contact form amongst other small changes that will generally improve the website as well as resolve the difficulties I was sometimes having updating it.

I will be in Johannesburg from next week until the end of January and then in Cape Town from the second week of February. I look forward to seeing some of you for massage sessions when I am in your area.
Warm greetings
Leandra

Starting off in 2010 - News

I wish you all a wonderful 2010. May your year be filled with joy and laughter, love and light.
I enjoyed a quiet time at home, relaxing a bit, working a bit, lots of meetings and giving a couple of massages as well.

So let me get to the point and tell you what the meetings were about! I am very excited to announce that I am going into partnership with a wonderful woman from 1st February. I met Sara earlier this year on one of my Tantric Fire Couple's Retreats and we remained in contact. It took a while for the idea to work together to emerge and grow, but it most certainly did. Sara is giving up her work as an accountant to take up massaging full time with me. She will be moving around the country as I do, working in Johannesburg, Cape Town and from my home on the Durban South Coast. We spent the time between Christmas and New Year planning and organising and are almost ready to go! Some of you will already know her. She began training with me and we gave 4-handed massages as part of her training both on the Durban South Coast and in Johannesburg. She is made for this work and I look forward to introducing her to you all. Once her training is complete, we intend to keep the 4-handed massages as part of what we offer. They are proving to be very popular and I find that the massage to be quite different to the single massage session and therefore a valuable addition to my work.

In addition to finding Sara, I  also have found Barry, a facilitator based in Durban  who will assist me facilitate the the Durga Tantra School weekend retreats, making it a lot easier for me to set dates. Nils (the facilitator from Germany that I worked with in 2009), will be back later this year, and with him I will facilitate advanced retreats.
I already have started updating the School of Durga Tantra website, with info about retreats to take place this year. It is not complete yet and if you check in about a week's time, I will have dates up for a number of weekend retreats taking place during the first half of the year.

My journal entry is very short....I just had to share this exciting news with you. I am thrilled and it is a dream come true for me. I longed to be able to share the work and finally it is materialising.
So to all of you, have a great start to the year. I look forward to our continuing work together during this year.

Oh and do keep a check on the website for more news of updates and also dates for your area.

Warm greetings
Leandra

Conferences, qualifications and more...

I have been asked why I am not participating in the sacred sexual healers conference taking place in Johannesburg this weekend. Not wanting to undermine the efforts of the organisers, I have waited until now to answer this. Having come from a background of many years of professional, International and European conferences in the field of Psychotherapy and particularly Art Therapy, and being an organiser of some of these events, I do claim to know something about what such conferences can do and what they can't accomplish.

When I was contacted by the initiator of the conference, an American who has made it his purpose to come into our country which he has never visited in order to heal and bring sacred sexual healers together. He made contact with people here in South Africa via Facebook to find and motivate people to assist him in organising the conference. I had reason to question him at length, especially as his travels started after his first book had been published. I openly told him that it appeared to me to be more of a promotion for himself and his book than anything else. This particularly as all the money from the bookings to attend went to his account and the fact that he reserved the rights to record and film all of the talks for his use. I also found it strange that we, here in South Africa were supposed to host him and his crew along his journey through South Africa, setting up talks and workshops along the way without knowing him personally or his work, simply from his American website. As always with such conferences, the speakers pay the registration fee (which was quite high) in order to hold their talks, usual procedure in conference organising. The South African organiser in Johannesburg was to get a percentage of the intake after costs, but as no one knew just how many people would attend, I found this to be a tricky situation. He had tons of work to do marketing the conference, organising a venue and the catering as well as helpers during the actual conference.

In addition, the conference was aimed at professionals working in the field of sacred sexuality, Tantra etc. but at the same time was open to the general public. My personal thoughts on this are that the two do not combine. Wanting to raise consciousness among professionals and bring them together on the one hand and to inform the public on the other are two different things - the approach is or should be different and so should the content. I did suggest that he offer training through the already founded National Institute of Tantra South Africa (NITSA) if his aim was to raise consciousness among professionals especially as there is no training (other than what I have been offering on an individual basis) in South Africa by qualified trainers. Interestingly enough, he declined. His aim was to create a new African organisation that would in future continue holding these conferences on a yearly basis as he already does in Australia.

Now one of the difficulties is that those who practicing Tantra professionally in South Africa, some of whom are also training practitioners for this work, are either from the sex industry, from other massage modules, or have trained themselves through books and DVDs which are abundantly available on the web. All of these are not suitable as training in order to work with the public on such an intimate level. One teacher, who claims to be enlightened, has the particular form of teaching whereby he becomes the lover of the women he trains and the relationship is then their "training". That is if they appeal to him. Those that do not, well they don't have the "privilege" of having a sexual relationship with him! I have heard reports from some of the individuals concerned like "we had lots of sex" and jealousy amongst the women he trained as well the necessity to get over jealousy and the conditioning of monogamy. These are facts that I know from personal experience, not from hearsay. No where around the globe do tantric schools of note practice this. It is in fact highly questionable.

My motivation is to get a professional training program going here in South Africa, something I have been working on for a number of years - rather unsuccessfully I must say, owing to the challenges that our country brings with it. Our community is strongly conditioned by a very conservative upbringing, staunch Christianity and quite a large amount of fear about actually going into this work. This is no comparison to the situation in Europe, particularly Germany where I lived for 28 years, where training is lengthy, mostly over a period of years and with trainers who themselves have undergone such a teaching and process with their own teachers. This is still my aim and I hope to be able to materialise this later in 2010. Watch the website for information which should be available on the website early next year.

In order to do this work with a high standard of practice and also ethics, training needs to be intense, lengthy and given by a trained and experienced trainer. One of the most important aspects of this is the professional relationship with the trainer who often becomes a mentor, as is the case with my own trainers and those of Nidhana, Lisa and Flora as well as Nils (my visitors from U.K. and Germany this year) who all have had considerable training and mentoring over a period of many years, in order to become the professionals they have become. My own training is vast and covers many disciplines in the field of psychotherapy and artistic creativity before coming to Tantra. All these professional trainings play a role in how I work today.

I personally feel that in order to work with the public so emotionally and physically intimately, one needs a very high standard of ethics and a certain amount of psychotherapeutic training. This is necessary because it is so easy to be manipulative, transferring your personal beliefs, issues and feelings onto the client.

I have experienced this first hand with a number of those individuals who claim to be teachers of Tantra, and these experiences have not been good. On the contrary, I have had my boundaries ignored and found that I was I was labelled and neatly put away into judgmental drawers when I protested. If I didn't feel I had an issue to overcome with a certain theme (for example monogamy) I would be labelled as being defensive. I generally found the way women in training were treated to be undignified and abusive. I also know this first hand from my experience with South African trainers/facilitators. One example is the fact that personal details from the sessions was openly discussed amongst others involved with the same trainer. These individuals then knew details about me before they had met me. Now, I don't have anything to hide, but I do expect personal details to be respected. I want to choose what I share with others and not have this done for me without me knowing. Does that make me "conditioned", un-open, afraid, nervous or hung-up or stressful? No it does not. It should be common practice to protect the individual in a respectful way.

I cannot claim to know that this has all led to no good for the others who are convinced that it is all part of the process. Some of the women mentioned seem to have thrived. Some men too. I do however claim to know that it did not work for me. I have a background of high standards of professionalism and ethics and I will keep these for the simple reason that they have served me personally as well as my work well. I feel that individuals coming to sessions are owed proper training and an ethical attitude without manipulation, without rejection, without labels. I also noticed that many of these practitioners spin some form of “spiritual jargon", the meaning of which, for the most part, remains illusive to most of us. All this does, is serve an affected hierarchy between practitioner or teacher and the individual or client. Spirituality need not be taught in strange terms!

What does it mean, for example, to be there for someone "in my totality"? Do you know what is meant? I don't! I can imagine what is meant but until I experience it I cannot know how this feels or what it does to me. So why not say for example, "I will go as far as to have sex with you if necessary" instead rather than talking in vague terms that can result if confusion in the minds of those seeking help?

Getting back to answering the question as to why I did not participate in the conference, I also recall very much the atmosphere of the many conferences I had participated in professionally a number of years before. Most of the time, these conferences had nothing to do with bridging gaps bringing the professionals from different schools together. Far more they were about show casing your own work and criticising the work of others. I had had my fair share of that already and did not feel called to be a part of a conference which to me appeared to be confusing in a number of ways: who is it really aimed for and what are the goals?

I did not want my name, the name of my practice (Tantra Sacred Massage) and the name of my school (The School of Durga Tantra) to be associated with a lack of professionalism and misleading concepts. Strong attitude? Yes, but not to the exclusion of what I would like to call real practitioners and real teachers as well as honest down to earth teachings. I have shown my openness towards other teachings and other practices with the four professionals I invited to join me in the work here in South Africa this last year. I embraced their way of working, we shared with each other and it has been a fruitful journey for all concerned.

Of course there are other ways of teaching Tantra to the way I teach it. Wonderful other ways. Ways that are professional, where people's yearning for Truth, for a better life, for touch, love and care is not misused.

Tantra is an ever evolving and non-dogmatic teaching and will always be open to misuse as a result, thus a word of advice to those seeking a teacher or wanting tantric sessions:

Always look on the website whether there is any mention of their own teachers. I often find that on these websites there is often mention of many teachers without names - as in the case of the American who organised the conference - or of book authors being named as teachers, and participation in a seminar or two leads to the claim to have undergone training with facilitating professional. Ask yourself, where does the teaching come from and what background do these teachers have? Attending workshops, and even more, attending many workshops by many teachers is certainly not training. We live in a day and age of workshop junkies assimilating a variety of stuff as they go along. That is fine if the individual wants to do that. It may or may not be beneficial to them personally. I do not see it as fine if this is used as a "qualification" to become a practitioner or teacher with the aim of serving others. I wrote this somewhere before and I say it again: just because we all eat and enjoy food does not make us all five star cooks! All those coming from a good qualifying background for tantric work are proud to mention their teachers and give them credit. So look for names, schools etc., and check up on these.

Another thing to look for when it comes to Tantra is some mention of love. Unconditional Love is the core of Tantra, which means you are welcomed and accepted as you are in a totally non-judgmental way. It does not mean that you have to go through feelings of rejection. It does not mean that you have to have sex to time and time again in the name of teaching, or that you are abused and hurt in pretty much usual relationship games in the name of training. Sexuality is easy to misuse. We all have sex, but having sex (and perhaps even being good at it) does not make us all teachers of Sacred Sexuality. There is much more to becoming a professional in the field of Tantra than that.

You can also check to see if teaching "the spiritual truth" is claimed. What is that, spiritual truth? Indeed, how do they claim to know it? In other words, be alert when seeing guidance in matters of sexuality and/or Tantra and do not be blinded by false claims.

I hope you find this helpful. My aim is not to be derogatory but to inform and protect the public from having similar experiences to mine and also others who have taken me into their confidence about their own abuse in the name of teaching. If you feel strongly about this either way, I would be happy to hear from you. I am always ready for new input and also correction if you find my attitude inappropriate.

Warm greetings
Leandra

Early resume` of this year

It is a bit early to start a resume of the year, but with Flora's return to Germany the year does feel like it is coming to a close. Starting early in the year, I have had four professional tantric practitioners from Europe visiting and working with me. Each one travelled to all my venues, saw students either individually or in 4-handed sessions with me. I know that the students who benefited from this were enthralled, emotionally and/or spiritually touched, were deeply moved, while I found myself to be on a deep journey of self-exploration, stretching, sharing and learning. When Flora and I said good bye, it was like coming out of months of an intensive "magical mystery tour" to an even deeper understanding of what Tantra is and how it transforms and uplifts one to higher levels of clarity and knowing, to higher levels of awareness. The gratefulness I feel towards Nidhana, Lisa, Nils and Flora for their trust in my plans, for their sharing with me, for they way they each embraced the people they worked with, for their giving from the heart. There is no other way I could have experienced this all - and all this in one year!

Some time ago I wrote something about the best teaching being when the teacher is also a learner, and the best learning is when the learner is also a teacher. It was giving and taking, teaching and learning, personal and professional sharing all the way.

What comes out of this for my practice here in South Africa? More clarity about where I want to go, about what I want to do and about how to do it, and even more clarity about what Tantra is and what it is not. And inspiration to continue this path professionally as well as in my life.

It has been an extraordinary year for me. I worked with more women than before during this last year, with more couples and at some stage I think I should add up just how many people I and my guests have had the privilege of touching in one way or another.

There will be some good positive changes in 2010. In fact - these have started already! As it always is with things that are right, these changes came easily, just flowing into my life. What a difference to my experiences towards the end of 2008! Obviously and thank goodness, I learnt the lessons from all the difficulties I encountered last year!

So here is the news.......

CAPE TOWN
The lovely little house I was renting in Harfield Village, Claremont is now mine! When I was looking for a new place to work from on the last day of my Cape Town visit in October 2008, and for the first time ever, I went onto the Gumtree website to see what was on offer, this little house came up. One phone call, a viewing before my flight the next day and it was settled - this is where I wanted to work from. BUT, the landlord could only offer me a one-year lease because the house had been on the market and not been sold and he would be putting it on the market again at the end of the lease. I thought - oh no! I want something permanent in Cape Town. I have moved around so much already and this could not go on. So, without money readily available and no idea at the time just how I would do it, I asked him to give me an option to buy in the lease, and I set about materialising my plan. I did not realise at the time, just how much this plan would change the way I saw my life!

Eight months later I had the cash, paid for the house and the transfer went through 2 months before my lease expired. My joy is huge - a definitely permanent home for my work in Cape Town, wow! The big change for me however was something else.

I still had one foot in Germany. Many personal possessions were still in the house in Hamburg that I jointly owned with my husband bringing up our daughter. Somewhere deep inside me, there had been this fear of letting go of the idea that I may return to my "old" life of being a wife and mother (granted to a now grown up daughter) and all the family attachments I had over there. When I began speaking to my husband and daughter about releasing my part ownership of our house in which we had lived in for so long, I had no idea of the fears I would encounter when they agreed. It was a series of deep "downs" and very high "up's" until finally all was signed and my money came through. It was a deep letting go of a very important past and while it was hard, the release I now feel is equally great. All I have to do now is go back to my old home, collect the personal possessions I still want - I will do this during 2010 - and this past is truly past. Amazing, is it not...? For me it is.

So with some heart break, with many discussions and a lot of pondering if this was in fact the right thing to do, this little house in Harfield Village - all who have been there have endorsed how lovely it is - is now my Cape Town home. And the home of future fellow practioners either visiting or growing out of the work in South Africa. More about that later.

JOHANNESBURG
I have been extremely happy in my flat in Auckland Park in Johannesburg. One thing I always wanted was a balcony, a patio or a small garden. At times I thought of finding a garden cottage and once did take a look at a place I found on Gumtree. But with no time to intensively look for a new venue, it simply remained a message in my heart sent out to Existence. Then one day, friends mentioned that the garden cottage of family member would become free as she was relocating to Cape Town. I had a look at it in October and am moving there at the end of November. Suddenly I had let go of a space that I had worked from for over 3 years. One more trip to do some work in the old flat and pack up at the end of this month and move into the new venue and from about 8th December I will be working from my new space in Linden/Greenside.

It is a lovely garden cottage, the lounge looking onto a blanket of green, a little patio, a pool that I can use and a space to work from that will have many advantages over the "old" flat. One thing that really pleases me is that the working room will be able to take the futon and the massage table, leaving the lounge free to be my living space. The bathroom is larger, light and quite lovely and what is more, although it is en-suite, it is also accessible from the lounge - making having visitors in Johannesburg much easier. The cottage is private, has secure parking. and will probably be quite cold in winter, being on the ground floor as opposed to being on the first floor. However the cold can be over come....and I have surplus furniture at my home in KZN that will fit in there perfectly. It is also a more residential area where I can go for walks and generally I think this cottage will become a real home from home for when I am in Johannesburg.

MASSAGE SESSIONS
After the many 4-handed massages given during with the visiting practitioners, this is going to become a general feature of the work in 2010. I had a vision about how this massage should develop and it has. We all found that it went even deeper and in a different way to the individual massage on the massage table and the futon and felt that it had to be incorporated as a permanent offer on the massage menu. I will be writing about this and posting info about it on the DATES, RATES & BOOKING INFO page just as soon as I can. Of course, I need practitioners to assist me with this - although the Goddess Durga (the Hindu Goddess who rides a lion and whose stories inspire me) has many arms, I only have two! So I need practitioners and without revealing too much now, this will emerge early in 2010 when I will write more!

Another addition will be that I will be adding 2-hour full body sessions. I have found that many students do not have the time for the 3-hour sessions and while the shorter follow-up lingam massage is an option, not many students have made use of this. So in addition to the 3-hour sessions, there will be 2-hour full body sessions available from early 2010.
RETREATS
The weekend retreats which I facilitated together with Nils will be a main focus for me next year. They were so successful, so enjoyable that there has to be more taking place in 2010 - and there will be.

VISITING PRACTITIONERS
They will be back. I am not sure who and when exactly yet, but there are plans on all sides to realise this during the next year. I'll post information as soon as plans are clear.

All in all, I am happy with all these developments. More than happy. Very happy. Over joyed. And excited. I look forward to 2010. I really look forward to what the next year is going to bring.

Sending you, my students, all my love. And a huge thank you, once again, for your trust, your faith in my work, for your support and the inspiration you all are to me and my life. Without you all, this all could not be. With you all, it is my reality, my life and what a life it is!

Namaste
Leandra

Lisa's Visit

I don't really have much time to write right now, but as many of you have been asking, I do want to just let you all know how things are going with Lisa's visit. What did I write at the end of Nidhana's visit..? "Well, it did work out. And how it worked out!" ...this is what I could write now too! Everything is going very well indeed. I am enjoying having a trained and widely experienced tantric massage therapist with me. Our sharing and verbal exchange seems to be never ending - always another question, a thoughtful comment or a new discussion opening.

It is also very relaxing to be able to share with someone who stems from the same tantric background as I do. There are vast differences in the kind of tantric massage being offered around the globe. I regularly get reports from people who have gained experience in a variety of countries including Australia, the U.K. and the U.S.A.....so I know what I am talking about. The German tradition is one of the earliest in the west - the first training school goes back to the late seventies in Berlin when the first Osho Sanyassins began returning from his Ashram in Puna, India. Lisa studied with this school and Andro, her teacher is one of the most radical one can think of. Her training was intense and deep.....just the first year consisted of four 10-day retreats in the school in Berlin, no watches, no phones, no contact to the outside. The living space was not the easiest with everyone sleeping on mattresses in one big room and the work was intense. And that was only the beginning!
The first tantric massage practice, Ananda, was opened in the eighties in Cologne by Martina Weiser, and needless to say, the first quality control organisation was formed in Germany by none other than Andro and Martina - and so it becomes clear that Tantra in Germany goes back quite a while. Every major town boasts a Tantra school and a number of tantric massage practices. I read recently that around 500,000 people practice Tantra in Germany. It is also interesting to realise that the oldest western tantrikers are now well into their sixties! I somehow find it comforting to know that my work is part of such a growing and vibrant movement.

With the roots of my own tantric training also in Germany, Lisa and I have much to talk about. As with Nidhana, it is once again, all about learning from each other, about an exchange of experience, about sharing and this on both professional as well as personal levels.....I think you can understand that I am lapping it all up. Lisa's massages are stunning and our 4-handed massages....well what can I say...we really love working together! With still 5 days to go in Cape Town before Lisa returns to Berlin, we both wish she could stay longer! She will return however. Already we are talking about her staying longer, making the trip really worth while, and during such a visit, we would share the work.

In the mean time, I am looking forward to a few weeks at home on the KZN South coast during July. I need to catch up on all sorts of things at my home before Nils Kreidner (from Dresden, Germany) arrives in August. That is however not the end of the European tantric trainers and massage therapists coming to visit Tantra Sacred Massage! In October Flora is coming for three weeks. She is from the Bodywork school I trained with in Wuppertal. She has the same tantric massage trainer as I do - so we will have lots to catch up on during her stay. Flora is originally from Poland but has been living in Germany for a long time....but more about her on the website later.
For now, Lisa and I look forward to seeing some advanced students as well as a couple of new students in Cape Town from later this week.

My warmest greetings to you all...
Leandra

26th May 2009 - Nidhana's visit

26th May 2009 - Nidhana's visit


Nidhana flew back to London tonight. For the first time in 3 weeks, I am alone. We lived and worked together every day since her arrival in Cape Town three weeks ago, spending a week in Cape Town, a week at my home on the Durban South Coast and finally a week in my flat in Johannesburg. We grew so close that parting was hard. She cooked me porridge in the mornings and I will miss that when I wake up tomorrow. Funny how little things like that become so important in the shadow of saying goodbye.
We shared much - on a personal level as well as professionally. We saw in each other the opportunity to be mirrored by the other, not always easy yet we knew we would both grow...and we did. The students that saw her were touched in one way or another, touched by her expansive love, by her gentle tantric touch and her powerful energy healing capabilities. Some were taken on very deep paths, sometimes painful, yet they too will grow from opening up to these places within themselves.
Together we mastered the 4-handed tantric massage and gave it our own specific slant. The core of our work was always unconditional Love. It may sound strange to someone who has not experienced this work, but it is exactly that. Without this love of the other, the depth of our work would not be possible. What does that mean - love? It means total acceptance of the other, absolute non-judgementalism, and loving the core of who the other is. Not the potential - the core. This implies that it is there, all already within the individual and sometimes just needs a gentle nudge to expand. It is this that made our work so enjoyable. Being able to give of ourselves in this way.
For me it was a new experience to share so intimately and deeply with another professional practitioner. On parting we both knew we would need time to get used to being on our own again and we also knew we would see each other again. We spoke about me working with her in London and also about her coming back to South Africa for longer and in the summer months.

A huge thank you to all the students, new and old, who saw us during the last weeks. Thank you for your trust in this new venture, thank you for being who you are and for braving the world by coming to experience Tantra first hand. It is exactly the way to learn about Tantra, it is the only way to experience Tantra - to do so first hand with someone who also experienced Tantra first hand with a teacher or teachers.

I don't have too much time to relax because Lisa is arriving from Berlin on the 4th June. I look forward to this next encounter with another professional - this time from the country of my own tantric roots. I know that some of you will be eager to meet and work with her or if you did not experience the 4-handed massage with myself and Nidhana, you may want to go for it now during Lisa's visit. I look forward to seeing you and to introducing you to Lisa. I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to be able to share these visiting professionals with you all. It gives me great pleasure to do so.
As this short entry into my journal is coming to a close, I have a deep wish to thank someone very special who assisted in getting things right in my house in Cape Town. He spent time preparing things and did loads of cleaning up and washing after we left. He then came to my home on the KZN south coast to spend a last weekend with the two of us at a time when we were both acting out and behaving quite untantrically! Thank goodness you did not let us disturb your peace! Your presence and your patience - you know who you are - was so important to both of us. Thank you for being there and for being who you are!
There are others to thank, many friends and students who wished me well, who were in the background, nervous after my experiences last year wondering "will it work out this time?" and hoping that I would not be disappointed again. You all meant so much to me - the sms's, phone calls and emails asking how things were going - thank you for being there. I felt your support and it felt good, really good.
Well, it did work out. And how it worked out!
My love to you all.
Leandra

19th February 2009 - wonderful happenings

19th February 2009 - wonderful happenings


It’s crazy, it is wonderful, almost magic and then again it is pretty normal the way things sometimes happen. “Sometimes”….what is that? Well not sometimes really, it always happens like that…that is when you are alert, when you take the lessons that this life offers you, when you listen to Existence showing you the way. If you read my New Year posting in my journal, you will know that I had a very hard lesson to learn last year and coming into the New Year, all began coming into place as I finally, at last, took the lesson and understood why things had been so difficult for me to find suitable people to join me in this work.

Why is it crazy, wonderful, almost magic and then again pretty normal the way things happen…?

Well, I had just posted my New Year journal entry with the results of last year’s learning when emails started arriving asking “Please can you inform us about the dates and details for the Tantric Fire Couple’s Retreat...” Not one email, a whole series of emails….from different people. And they started exactly on 3rd January.

Now, understand that I had not updated my Durga Tantra School website where the retreats are announced. I had not been on that site for months. I had totally neglected planning the retreats that were originally supposed to start in March 2008 and then I postponed the start for a year. That year had come and I had not given the retreats a thought. I was just getting over dealing with last year’s experiences. So, this was a reminder and as a result of what I had learnt, I set to work immediately. I had no idea how I would put this together, but I never the less posted on the website that the retreats would be starting in April/May this year.

Without going into the whole story of how the events arose and evolved, I’d like to just give you the result of that listening, of my following and not doubting the process.

On 14th February I announced the retreat schedule on my websites. I had two highly qualified tantra coaches from overseas, three divine retreat centers around South Africa, the dates all booked and deposits paid, flight tickets bought or in the process of being bought and what is more I also had a lovely assistant facilitator from Durban to assist me in facilitating further retreats.

All this from nothing on 3rd January to everything satisfactorily planned by 14th February. What I had not managed to do the whole year, came about now in just 1 ½ months and much more than that. These facilitators will also be massaging (they are already qualified so I don’t have to teach them first – what a blessing) alone and with me offering 4 handed massages in between the weekend retreats. Granted, there will not be much time for massaging in between the three weekends that both of them will be facilitating with me, but we will be able to take a few people. As for the retreats, I am thrilled that we have a really good line up of work to do.
I have had friends saying "how do you do it...you're always so busy, where do you find the time to negotiate all this...?" and "It is amazing how you make things happen...!" All I can say is that it is not me. Or rather, it is just me carring out orders from above. That may sound strange, but if you read my last journal entry I think it becomes understandable what was different this time.
The first series of retreats taking place in May are the “For Yourself – Sexual Healing Retreats for Women” that I will be facilitating with Nidhana Mai from London. Some of you know her. She is a qualified Tantra coach who did some massaging for me in Cape Town over a year ago. With the work I am doing, I feel these healing retreats for women are much needed here in South Africa and it is our hope that many women will join us in a delightful journey to finding our very own sexual energy. Nidhana has an extensive background in tantra and energy healing and what is more, she is deeply influenced by The Divine Mother Amma, a present day female guru in India who teaches how to open your heart and love and she does this by loving. In fact her name, Nidhana, was given to her by Amma and means "formlessness, deathlessness" - beautiful!
Then in August, Nils Kriedner from Dresden, Germany, a Tantra school director with an extensive martial arts, Zen Meditation, and Yoga background having studied these things in India with great masters as well as a whole lot of other trainings and life experiences before finally coming to Tantra. With him I will be facilitating the Tantric Fire Couple’s Retreats. I think he is going to be a real treat for South Africans. The retreats are open to single men and women as well as couples, they will just need to bring an opposite gender partner or friend with them or we will have to see that we have equall numbers of men and women amongst the single people.

Both these facilitators have been to India to learn right at the source of the teachings and it is such a joy that I am able to announce them to you.

Then there is Yashordan, a gifted Hindu and very gentle man from Durban who is a true fundus of all the ancient stories and eastern mythology, which he brings to life with such ease. He has a wonderful understanding of Tantra and how it relates today to the ancient original path and he will be assisting me from South Africa with the facilitating of some workshops and retreats.
All this development happened so easily, so simply, so beautifully that I feel blessed with such abundance. Sure, there was a lot of work involved. Telephone calls, Skype’ing, emailing back and forth but it all came to life and fell into place with such ease that there has to be another ONE organizing this. It cannot be me!

So I invite you all to take a look and read about these people as well as the retreats. And when you are doing this, please don’t forget to click on the links for the three venues, one on the KZN south coast, one in the Northern Drakensberg at the top of Olifiershoek Pass and the third one in McGregor, 2 hours outside Cape Town. They are all quite something, each one unique and chosen because of their individual and very special atmosphere.

I hope to see many of you at these retreats! I know many of you have been patiently waiting for me to get it off the ground….well I have and I look forward to this work very, very much.

That is my joyous news for now. I’m off to bed now as I had a full day today and have another one tomorrow and during the following days here in Cape Town where I am presently working with men and women as well as some couples.
To all of you out there…have a wonderful day. Feel blessed no matter what is going on in your life. There is always something to be grateful for. Take the lessons you are being presented with and move on with gratitude in your hearts, you will be surprised just how many blessings come your way with such an attitude.

Namastè
Leandra

Old Year's Eve - looking back on 2008

"Change" - Mixed Media
Painting by Leandra

It is that time of the year again. The end of the year is a time of retrospect in one way or the other for most of us. Some of us do this consciously, taking account of what the year was like while floating ideas about how we’d like the incoming year to be, others do it subconsciously, becoming aware only of the one or other feeling or emotion, as one year closes and the other opens. Yet others, not wanting to look back at all let alone feel, revel in the festivities keeping themselves busier than ever before.

I cannot help but look back consciously. It happens almost automatically as thoughts and emotions arise, hallowing in a process that lasts for many weeks, only coming to the end with some kind of revelation, indicating that the process is complete. This year, it is evident to me, that it has been a tumultuous year - a time of great progress, but it’s also been something like a bumper-to-bumper, stop-and-go freeway! Some of you have shared parts of this with me, others will have noticed certain announcements on my website suddenly no longer there. All along I have wanted to share more with you all, my own confusion however, prevented me verbalizing anything of clarity about what was going on. Now finally, on the last day of the year, the revelation is there and I am ready to share.

My vision at the outset of the year was, that of men and women on a tantric path working with me, of Tantra Sacred Massage sessions being more continuously and readily available in the three centres I work in; a vision of my aloneness in the field comforted by associates and colleagues, a vision of sharing what I had gained with a group of emerging tantric professionals, joining hands in promoting Tantra in South Africa. It really was a very nice vision.

Throughout the year I had been putting in much time and effort to find men and particularly women and to join me, and all year all these efforts had evolved into major and minor disasters, leaving me feeling confused, sometimes frustrated, many times disappointed and a lot of the time exasperated. It also left me questioning why this was so. There seemed to be no difference between my recruiting potential trainees from South Africa or those from abroad - whatever I did, it did not want to work. I had numerous applications, many interviews, and even some training beginnings. In one case, the training went far enough for the trainee to facilitate a first massage session on her own. It was all so promising - had not each and every potential trainee, not committed for one reason or the other.

Some found more lucrative work, others were only superficially willing to immerse themselves in the training. Some were willing to do everything except lingam or yoni massages, others found the thought of working with other races appalling. Some even did not like the idea of being naked – which did not cease to surprise me as the nature of the massage was totally clear. I would say to these, “Okay, but with the amount of oil we use, you will actually ruin your clothes apart from it being very uncomfortable”! The reasons were endless. One foreign practitioner, with whom I had previously co-operated, contradicting the very essence of Tantra, wrote that it no longer “felt right” to be working with men, and that she was now doing “Goddess – work” only.

With others from abroad, hard reality was to be discovered in hidden agendas, contradicting the written and accepted training plan, and completely unrelated to what I was offering, to what was available or required for that matter. I found myself being discarded as soon as my worth in the materializing of their agendas had outlived itself.

The most baffling aspect to me, was the way in which this all happened: books I had lent were not returned, my phone calls not taken and emails left unanswered. All this left me feeling quite shaken at the amount of respectlessness thrown at me - and so I began to doubt what I was attempting to do. Not one of the potential trainees had funding to pay for the training, which resulted in me offering the training free of charge, with the exception of a small registration fee. This was a mistake, living in a society in which that which is financially free is not valued. With one exception, not even the registration fee was paid! The little free time I had, taken up with training, was left unrewarded.

Looking back over a year like this, I had to ask myself “What am I doing wrong?”, while also wondering if it had something to do with the nature of the work. When the results of so much time and effort show that amount of failure time and time again, it is, I suppose, quite natural to feel like a failure one’s self. And yes, it did feel like this many times. It took a while for me to realise that the surface respectlessness I had experienced was probably anger, and so coming out of the confusion of all this, I had two major questions: “What does the nature of the work have to do with this?” and “What am I doing wrong?”

In answer to the first question, I realised that the major factor leading to South Africans pulling out of the training was fear. The path of Tantra is still connected to many fears hear in South Africa. Sexuality is still such a taboo and sexuality that is entrenched with spirituality is, for many, unheard of, making it such a huge step, sometimes too big a step, for anyone to take to come into this work. Fear so often precedes anger and this was projected onto me - so I assumed.

The answer to the second question took me almost the full year. I finally realised my mistake and was able to take responsibility for the situation I found myself in. I had been trying far too hard to make my vision come true. It felt like a great vision and I assumed it was exactly what was needed for the on-going work. Tantra in South Africa needed more facilitators in order to continue growing and so I pursued this vision without looking left or right, not allowing any failure to pull me down. “So what if I was not being successful, the vision is good so just keep going, at some stage it must all materialise” – so I thought.

There are times when holding onto a vision is the best one can to do, believing in it and putting everything in place in order to make it true. There are other times however, when this is the most unproductive thing to do, and it is important let go. It took me most of the year to understand that I needed to let go.

Re-assessing my vision began around October this year. My plans to share a rented house in a lovely area of Cape Town with two students, a married couple who were returning from abroad, turned sour, resulting in financial loss and a legal battle that no one thought I could possibly win. It was then, that the thought occurred to me, “I must be doing something very wrong if Existence has to come onto me so heavily to make me take notice! What is it that I have not been seeing, not been wanting to see?”

It was finally during the legal battle that I had an explosion of clarity. I had signed a 3-year lease with a parent of one of the students while they were still abroad, and I was legally committed to this document. Without everyone involved agreeing, there was no way I could get out of this lease. However all the parties involved had no interest in letting me out of the lease, I had been good prey, having invested my time, energy and money finding the house and finalising the lease, and now I had to pay my share of the rent, whether I moved into the house or not. Not only that, they had, so it seemed, disappeared after moving in - the house was empty, even of furniture, and all communication channels broke down for weeks. The parent, my lease partner, also did not take my calls or answer my emails. With the next months total rent pending, I appeared to be in a hopeless position. The lawyer I sought out painted a bleak picture and did not do very much to try to achieve anything.

At my lowest point, when I felt really, really stupid for having gotten myself into this position, when I seemed to have no way out, when I felt my most helpless, used, misused, hurt, angry, exasperated and worried… it was then, when I felt completely powerless, in a quiet moment and very alone, that the answer came: “Thy will, not my will, be done” - these words arose from my deepest self and echoed throughout my whole being, like a village church bell, ringing and ringing. I had been following my will and had not asked what Existence wanted from me.

After that things moved swiftly. Quite suddenly, as if a glowing light had been turned on, I discovered my power, a power I had not felt before. Thy will, not my will be done - I was free! Yes free. Not only of the helplessness I had felt, but also of the self-doubt....and more importantly, free of the vision which I had been holding on to.

As I changed inwardly and emotionally, so the tables turned completely. It really was such a simple thing that tipped the scales. All I then had then to do was to stay in this clarity. As I did, the card in my hand that I could still play became clear, and while the risk was high and everyone advised against it, I knew that this was the only card I had, and that I had to play it well. It was exhilarating. All the frustration I had experienced now appeared to have been worthwhile, in order for me to have this revelation. I began to feel gratitude for the whole experience.

No longer distressed, no longer hurt or angry, no longer afraid, I could forgive everyone for what they had done and were doing. It was not their fault. It was horrible, it was unfair, it was deceiving - but that was actually not my business but their business! My business was only in taking responsibility for all my decisions that had gotten me into the mess in the first place. Recognising this, and the fact that I had been acting out of a personal neediness brought the necessary freedom. I needed company. I needed assistance. I needed to share. I needed people to join me in my work. It was my need motivating me into manoeuvring myself into this corner. Decisions based on neediness result in blind spots. I had not been aware of how compromising my values had resulted in the difficulties I now had.

No longer a victim, I was able to follow through with the one small thing on my side…and I did. I gave the other lease party back the onus of transferring the monthly rent and announced to everyone that I would no longer be paying my portion of the rent! So simple. It took everyone 5 days to take me seriously and then, amazingly, the communication channels were suddenly wonderfully open again. The agent said, “The owner will take you to court”. I said, “I don’t mind, he will have to take the other party to court as well”. She also said, "you will lose the house”, I said “I don't want the house!”. It was wonderful to feel this power. And I was able to get out of the lease to all the conditions I had previously unsuccessfully offered. I was no longer a victim. I never had been a victim. I was my own do-er and I could be my own do-er again and so I was!

It was over. I was so much richer. What I finally had to pay in hard cash in order to have this realisation was worth every cent. Looking back, I would not change a thing. It was an invaluable lesson for me. Furthermore, I inwardly could say to all those involved in teaching me this life lesson, "I thank you. You did it well!"

I am aware that, for many a businessman out there this is part of daily professional life. For me it was new and it felt great. I took responsibility and played my card…and I played it well.

Never the less, I still had one test to go: there was one more arrangement with another couple from abroad that was already in full swing. With the clarity I now had, I knew that I would no longer compromise myself, I was going to take note of the still small voice inside warning me of previously ignored tell-tale signs - this time I would act decisively and sooner.

I had already gone to great lengths for this couple and I was excited and hopeful. I was also more conscious of what was needed for things to not only feel good, but to really be good. It did not take long for certain discrepancies and a couple of blatant lies to become clear. I became aware that their intentions were actually quite opposed to what we had agreed upon. This time I simply let go. I let go of the vision, I let go of my plans, I let go of the disappointment that my efforts had once again been misused. I let go of the hurt. I let go of my victim story. I let it all go....and I let them go! It felt good to be able to do this so easily and to simply move on.

Moving on has meant to me, to re-evaluate my intentions, to take a deeper look at the meaning of this apparent failure to find suitable people to join me in this work, and to take full responsibility for all that had happened. I was no longer the victim of other peoples' inadequacy to commit honestly. I was the "do-er", the creator of my own circumstances. After months of persevering hopelessly, I could see the answer so simply: actually, Existence was not going to fulfil my vision, and was obviously not wanting what I was wanting. Acting out of an emotional and practical neediness, it was my need for colleges and support that promoted the desire for others to join me in my work. I realise now that no matter how much demand there was, no matter how much I wanted to fulfil the needs of my students all over the country, no matter how much compassion I had for the sexual and intimacy related heart-break abounding in South Africa, …it simply had to be “Thy will not my will be done” in all that I envisaged and did. I have to step back and wait for things to happen in a way that was acceptable and flowing. And...I had to wait patiently.

I am now ready to move into 2009 with this clarity. I am on my own and it is okay to be alone in this. I know of the necessity for more good professional tantric work, I also know that this need will be fulfilled when it is ready to be fulfilled. Until then, I will continue passing on what I know to my students so that my gnosis can also become theirs. The rest is not up to me.

It has been a deeply meaningful past year.

I wish to thank you all from the depths of my heart for your trust, your support, your willingness, and your love. It is the personal journey of each and every one of you that constantly encourage me forwards. To those who have been listeners as well as advisors during this difficult time, I want you to know that I cherish you for being there when I needed you and for the insight into your thinking, your assessment and your understanding of the situation, that you so freely allowed me. I thank you!

As I send you all my love, I also take yours with me into 2009. May it be a wonderful, successful, and most fulfilling year for us all.

Namaste
Leandra

Osho on love

I have spent much time lately thinking about the relevance of sex to meditation. It is what I teach but some students challenge me on this in one way or another. It makes me think. Am I doing the right thing? How can I assist students on attaining more meaning in their lives and seeing beyond little human pleasures? How do I teach someone who cannot seem to bring spirituality and sexuality together. I came across some words of OSHO that I want to share with you. The first is simply about the body - after all that is where sexuality takes place. Accepting the body as a part of the Divine is not an easy task for many of us. But OSHO states that it is through the body that we become closer to God.

"Only by loving your body will you become closer to God. The body knows how to dance, how to sing, how to pulsate with God. When the body starts to vibrate with the divine Suddenly you will see your soul is also vibrating. Your body and your soul are one."
Osho

And then there is the subject of Love. This too is such a central part of my teaching. To me God IS ultimate Love and in one form or another, love is so often spoken about in all religions and many teachings. But what is actually meant and how to love, that is the question. Osho gives some insight:

Love is the fragrance, the radiance of knowing oneself, of being oneself...
Love is overflowing joy.
Love is when you have seen who you are; and then there is nothing left except to share your being with others.
Love is when you have seen that you are not separate from existence.
Love is when you have felt an organic orgasmic unity with all that is.
Love is not a relationship.
Love is a state of being.
It has nothing to do with anybody else. One is not in love, one is love.
And of course when one is love, one is in love - but that is an outcome, a by-product, that is not the source. The source is that one is love....."
Osho: The Guest Chapter 6

So then how does this relate to Tantra and my particular teaching of Tantra? Once again I wish to answer with a quote from Osho:

"Tantra is a love effort towards existence. That is why so much of sex has been used by Tantra: because it is a love technique.It is not only love between man and woman; it is love between you and existence, and for the first time existence becomes meaningful to you through a woman. If you are a woman, then existence becomes for the first time meaningful to you through a man."
OSHO: The Book of Secrets Chapter 43

So for now, these words are here for you to ponder on. My Tantra massage teacher in Germany Klaus Smeds said: "Tantra is lived love" and that is certainly what I have experienced. My coming onto and into the path of Tantra has and is continually teaching me to live this love in a way I have never before appreciated, embracing every aspect of my being and all aspects of my human experience....and allowing me to simply be who I am.

I am so blessed. If I am able to pass this onto my students just a little bit, I have achieved something of relevance in my life.

Namaste
Leandra

Learning lessons

I read something this morning that I want to share with you all. It is a quote by OSHO and I read it on the OSHO International Newsletter (from the website www.osho.com) and I had to read it twice to actually grasp the meaning on a deep level. Here it is:

"When you are different the whole world is different. It is not a question of creating a different world, it is a question of creating a different you"

I was wondering about how that works and looking back over the last 6 weeks and the chaos I have been experiencing and had to ask myself: "What did I change that made the chaos start turning into beautiful order?" and "How am I different that my world has become different?"

All I did was try to take the lesson Existence had been teaching me these last weeks. It is very easy to blame others or the actual situation for the circumstances and a lot harder to ask one's self: "What did I do to create this experience?" It feels like having to take the blame for something you did not intend. It is however not a question of blame when you ask; "What did i do to create this?" It is far more a question of responsibility. Of taking responsibility for all your actions, even the ones done subconsciously, acting out of conditioned fear. The fear to be real is great for each and every one of us. It is a strong fear....what if I am really REAL, what if all the games come to a standstill and I am able to perceive my real Spirit self, what would happen...? Well I don't know what will happen but it is scary to most people to even think of this. We are so protected from this by the outer layers of a life lived. We all have stories to tell of how life played it's tricks on us and made things really difficult. And I am no exception.

This year has been a whirlwind of growth to the Tantra Sacred Massage practice. I had this vision of growing a small community of tantrikers here in SA and in order to do that and to cope with the huge demand for sessions, I decided to start a training program.

Namaste
Leandra

Stopping over

I’m on my way from Jo’burg to my home on the KZN south coast once again and made a stop-over at the top of the Drakensberg. Lovely place this – the Caterpillar and Catfish B & B and restaurant – a bit of a secret tucked away at the top of Olifiershoek Pass. I was so impressed with the meal I had here quite some time ago that I have been coming back again and again on my own and with guests from Germany including my daughter and her boyfriend they were here last. Situated right on the pass road just before you descend, they have a brilliant 5-star cook. Not once have I been disappointed.

Why am I writing this to you…?

Well, talking to a number of students this past week in JHB, I mentioned that I could actually teach most of what I teach with food instead of sexual energy! Tantra uses all the senses to bring you into the moment and away from the mind. I tell my students, next meal take your time and eat in silence, savouring every portion of food you place in your mouth. Don’t mix the different items on your plate, take them separately, and enjoy every moment of tasting each portion. What a difference that makes to your eating experience and what a difference to your level of satisfaction and contentment after such a meal. Of course we use our meals as communicative spaces in time, when families get together and we talk about our day. There is nothing against that. It is very important. But as an exercise try it and see what it does for you.

Of course a really wonderful, tasty meal helps too although the meekest piece of food will taste abundantly better is eaten in silence with closed eyes allowing it to melt on the tongue. So why am I telling you about my stop over? Well I don’t mind doing a bit of advertising for the Caterpillar & Catfish if it encourages you to take Olifiershoek Pass next time on your way to the coast from Gauteng. If you do, do stop here for lunch or an overnight stay in order to experience one of their outstanding meals. I savoured my trout and rice this evening after lazing in a huge bath feeling the sensation of hot water on my skin. Beforehand, I had stood outside in awe of the round full moon shining through rocking branches of the huge ancient trees on the crest of the Northern Berg. I felt the cool night breeze caressing my skin and as I did so, I sank into a moment of absolute bliss. It all tasted so wonderful! The more we use our senses to come into the depth of now, the closer we get to submerging into bliss.

If you feel uncomfortable doing this with your sexual sense, how about trying it with what you eat?

It did me good. I enjoyed connecting with who I really am through my sense of taste, smell, and sight. I smelt the freshness of the Drakensberg air as it brushed past my nostrils; I heard the leaves of those majestic trees rustling to the tender touch of wind, the odd cricket chirping and it felt as if I could hear the night itself. It was then that I had that moment of hearing me.

We need times like this. Time to stop, rest and simply be.
Namaste
Leandra

Catching up

I received an email from Australia this morning - it was my mentor Ron Solo saying " You must be busy as I noticed that you have not done a lot of work on your web site." and asking when I was going to post the second article he had written for my website....!

Well yes, I have been very, very busy - mainly with the work between my three bases, JHB, CT and my home on the KZN south coast - but then in between actually still settling into my new house. Although I moved in at the end of January, I am only there for 2 weeks at a time between my visits to JHB and CT. I unpacked the last boxes just a week ago, shortly before my present trip to CT. During the two weeks I was home I also started painting the interior of the house - a lovely deep almost olive green and a colour called Stone Wall and when I left everything was in turmoil. Ultimately the walls will be soothing, especially with the view onto lush subtropical vegetation with the Indian Ocean on the horizon. But for the time being it is just work with a fair amount of stress! I sincerely hope that my helpers will manage to sort it all out the chaos I left behind before I get back at the end of next week.

But there is something else too! I have spent the last 5 weeks or so, looking for new premises here in CT. Oh yes, I took a flat earlier this year from where I have been working, but at the time I already knew it was a temporary thing. Why? Because two wonderful students of mine are returning from Europe where they have been living the last 2 years and with their three children will be settling in CT.

As they are going to be going into the work, we decided to take a house together: a house where we could work from, that would be their home and a base for me when I am in CT. I have some wonderful trainees here in CT who have assisted this process by viewing the houses and giving me a feed back. When I arrived earlier this week, we had singled out two for me to look at and then the decision fell. We have found our house. Tantra Sacred Massage will have a base for the next 2 – 3 years at least. With that goes the fact that CT will have a permanent female as well as a male massage practitioner as of the end of August/early September. Finally! This is such good news to me. It is going to be so much easier for you to make bookings and keep individual processes more regular.

I’m not going to reveal to much about this new space now…but shortly there will be more news about this on the website.

In the mean time, I will have to write to Ron, "yes, I have been far too busy and have neglected to write in my journal and to post your article on the Tantric Lessons page…ultimately though I have been busy doing the work but in another corner of the room."

So to all of you – and I know there are more of you out there missing my regular journal entries – I have been busy with the same cause, promoting and furthering Tantra in South Africa….and not any kind of Tantra, but a good quality of Tantra. The development has been exciting and it will remain exciting in the months to come. I will however make a point of making time for putting Ron’s article on the website and for keeping you updated with what is going on here in my journal.

Warm greetings
Leandra

Life in Germany and spiritual lessons

I know...many of you are telling me...I've been so quiet here and that is very true. It is taking time for me to settle into a routine again. And really, there is no routine about my life at the moment! I am presently in Cape Town for 3 weeks - the first week is just coming to a close - and have moved into a rented centrally situated flat here from which I will be working for the next 6 months or so at least. It is "klein aber fein" as the Germans would say...meaning small but really nice and suits the purpose for the time being. Ultimately though, I would like to have a house with a garden as a venue and the prospect of that is not too far away.

Students of mine who have been living in Russia are returning to SA later this year and as soon as they have settled we intend to find a house that will be home to them as well as the Tantra Sacred Massage practice. Not only that. but Cape Town will be getting a lovely and genuine tantric massage practitioner more or less permanently. This is what I have been dreaming of - just had to wait till Existence put all into place. Since training with me, they have continued their tantric journey with European Tantra schools and will bring their experience back with them.

In addition to that, I have started training one female and one male in Tantra Sacred Massage. Both are lovely and worthy people to take up this work. I will keep you posted on their progress and when they are ready to work with clients. I had a couple of other women interested but all the others opted out shortly before training started and I am sure you understand why. There are so many stigmas attached to this work here in SA - well perhaps in other places too, but certainly here - and I assume they or their partners got nervous. That is fine though. It all has to be right for it to happen and Existence does not allow things to happen that should not - at least that is my experience. When we try to force things, they go wrong or become extremely difficult or strenuous and it is best to wait with our desires and dreams till they materialise. Just put the message out and do all in your power to make it real and then wait for the signs about whether it is going to happen or not. I have lived by this for many, many years and it does work!

Many years ago, in fact in the late eighties, both my husband and I had the pleasure and privilege of attending most of the seminars of Art Reade, an Apache/Mexican spiritual teacher and life coach who was, and is very popular in Germany. That was the first time I heard about what is today called “The Law of Attraction”. Those of you who have seen the movie or read the book “The Secret” will know what is meant. Art gave us exercises to do that taught this basic life truth and way back then I had my first experiences of how it functioned.

At the time, it was our deepest desire to buy a house. Our daughter was a toddler and I dearly wanted a garden for her to play in. I also wanted my life easier as we lived in a lovely old flat with huge rooms and high ceilings - one of the few beautiful old buildings left standing in Hamburg after the war - but the building had no lift!

I used a bicycle to get around – as most people do in Germany - and the bicycle had to be kept in the flat because of theft or parts being demolished or stolen and tires punctured if I locked my bike to the railings in the entrance hall - oh yes, some South Africans don’t want to believe it, but there was actually a lot of malicious petty crime in Germany then and now.

You try coping with a tired, hungry toddler dressed in all the winter garb – boots, jackets, caps, woollen scarves and a bike with a child’s seat connected to the handlebars up and down the staircase! Oh, not to mention the bags of groceries as well. I was constantly up and down. First my daughter, then the shopping, then the bike….and the ceilings being extremely high – almost like two floors…it was a lot of staircase to climb to get onto our landing! So I was really keen to have a house with a ground floor and a garden. With our budget and the price of houses in west of Hamburg (one of the more expensive cities in Germany and the west had some of the priciest suburbs), it was a pretty difficult thing to do.

Art gave us a visualisation one day – to visualise our future home and we had to draw a picture of what we saw. I drew this quaint house with a steep roof and underneath an attic. It had a small garden with a thigh-high picket type metal fence in front. I drew all the details and put ourselves in the garden – including a dog (something my husband never wanted but I did). We were to hang the picture up where we could see it each day. We were told to breath it, smell it, taste it, love it each day until it materialised.

I did this for a while until finally some friends who had two young children bought one of these lovely old flats with a garden in a quiet suburb in the west of Hamburg. There was a flat on the first floor, exactly above them that was also for sale – so we grabbed it. The idea of living above our friends - our children would play together and a whole lot of other positive aspects of living in the same building would come into play - was wonderful. So we bought it! Or so we thought. We had an appointment to sign the papers at the lawyer’s office and I was at home putting on my make up when the phone rang. It was the owner. He apologised but told me that the appointment was canceled as his sister had sold the flat behind his back and that the new owners had already just signed! My heart fell into my shoes, tears popped into my eyes - I could not believe it. I phoned my husband who told me he was on the verge of leaving work to drive to the lawyer…he was speechless. We were both devastated that evening. I phoned my mom in Durban and cried my woes and it was she who put things straight. She said simply: “I thought you wanted a house…?”

I was stunned – yes we did. We had wanted a house, our own house with our own garden and I had drawn a picture had I not? I searched for the drawing, pasted it onto the wall again, and started the procedure again. We had been side tracked by our friends taking the flat. We had not really believed that we would find a house in our price bracket. We were unbelievers….that was the problem. So this time, we firmly held onto our dream. We knew we would find something if it was meant to be and at the time was right. We believed. We sent the proper message out into Existence, the message of our little dream house.

I am sure you all know what the end of this story is going to be…? We found out house!

It was in west of Hamburg, a small double storied house with an attic and a cellar and a garden. It was within walking distance to both a lovely country primary school ( you could look out of the class room windows onto fields with cows and horses) and a high school, a couple of minutes to the city train station that would connect us with the whole of Hamburg…and what was more, there were two nature reserves “just around the corner’ …literally. The one became our daily "walking the dog" route (oh yes, we got a lovely German bread Rhodesian Ridgeback) that took us through a little wood where dogs could meet other dogs and socialise. The other nature reserve was a weekend cycling area, through farm land with huge and typical for northern Germany high thatched roofed farmhouses and a number of stables and a huge wooded area that went on for miles and miles. Our daughter, needless to say took to horse riding, so during her high school days, we had regular bicycle rides to the stable where she had her pony and then later her horse. I spent many a freezing winter sitting in the unheated indoor riding grounds watching her ride and fretting every time she fell off during jumping practice. This little house was just in our price bracket and it became our home. We renovated the cellar to include a laundry, an office, a store room and a guest bedroom and later we renovated the attic to become a lovely additional room for guests of which there were many once our daughter started having cousins and friends from Vienna, Austria come to visit. Many a weekend was spent with the attic room filled with mattresses and the young people gadding out enjoying Hamburg’s night life.

The story of how we got our house will never be forgotten. It was proof that we often mess up the actual plan Existence has in stall for us when our faith is not strong enough. It was also proof of what today is known as “The Law of Attraction”. We attract what we visualise. We attract what is in our thoughts, in our minds. We create our experience of the world.

Getting back to Cape Town…..so often I did not believe I would or could have my own space to work in and compromised on the vision I had with many excuses. I could not afford my own space. I could not divide myself between JHB and CT and my home and what is more, the longer it took to get applicants for the training the less I believed I would find anyone who would want to enter this field of work.

Why am I writing all this? I just want to share it with you. Sometimes students are quite intrigued about how I live. I live a very normal and busy life as most people do. My faith is tested many a time and I learn constantly as I hope you do too. I learn to trust Existence with my vision for Tantra here in South Africa. I do not do this work for a living. To me that is important. I don’t want to have to do this in order to keep my roof over my head or have food on the table. I want to do it out of a passion for this path and the fact that the Divine is touching many people through my work. Tantra changed my life so positively and I am happy to be able to offer what I know and what I have experienced myself, what my teachers have taught me over the years…to pass this onto to others here in the country of my birth and the place that I call home. I feel extremely blessed that I am able to do so and that Existence has deemed me worthy to do what I do.

My love to you all
Namastè
Leandra

Turning people away

I cannot tell you how much I have wanted to write here in my journal again. There have been so many ideas and even a couple of documents which I started but did not get completed. I did not expect my moving house to have bound my energy so much that my writing would come to a total stand still. I enjoy writing here and sharing with all of you who read my journal. There is a lot to catch up on but let me start with the last and then I will try to find the time to go back to the beginning and if what I was writing is still relevant, I will finish it and post it here later.

The latest news it that it finally happened! .......I had to turn someone away.

I had a couple for a 4 hour couple's booking and from the moment they arrived something was amiss. I could not pin point it at the time but afterwards it became very clear - the attitude of the male member of the couple was simply not right. I say this without judgment for he has his reasons for being the way he is. But what became very clear to me is that I do indeed have a choice of who I work with. I have always know this, but never had to put it into practice. What was wrong you may be asking?

Well to start with he took over the conversation and did not allow his female partner to speak. He tried to involve me in an intellectual discussion about the meaning of the word Tantra - of course always showing that he knew better. She during all this giggled and if I asked her something directly, she gave un-informative answers almost in a shy way looking to him for approval or recognition. My initial conversation is always about finding out something about the person or the couple in front of me and also giving them the opportunity to ask me questions. So initially I wanted to know something about their relationship and what brought them to Tantra. I also asked what they were wanting to achieve with the workshop or if there was something they wanted to work on. Granted, these are pretty standard questions but they do usually open up the conversation and I always get answers that lead into a more personal discussion. It gives me an idea of where the person or couple is coming from, and it gives us time to get to know each other a bit before starting the practical work.

But with this couple I could not get answers. They…or rather he was evasive and instead of answering asked me what the word Tantra meant. This surprised me – I don’t think anyone has asked me this before. Usually the questions are related to the practice of Tantra or how I came to Tantra or Tantra in South Africa. When I asked him what he already knew about Tantra, he answered that he was here to hear what I knew and what I had to show. I however did not feel inclined to show anything. It was confusing and what I did understand was the growing atmosphere of antagonism.

When I asked about their sex life, he said something about it being "a good f*** with her" while she grinned from ear to ear. I said something to the effect that I then hoped to show them how to "stop f***ing and start loving" and she reassured me that there was lots of that. I however felt nothing of this love between them or in the situation with me. It was then that I realized I would not be able to work with them unless they opened up a bit more and we were able to get some kind of conversation going. If we could not do that, how would we be able to work together warmly, trustingly and intimately...? I did not know how this was to work. Finally I said I would rather give them back their money than work under these circumstances. Then he really went to town saying I was a phony and knew nothing about Tantra and a whole lot of things more while I was taking down her banking details for the refund.
It was only after they left that it dawned on me that she had made the booking, she had made the payment, I had her phone number, her email address, she had not given me his name in the our correspondence referring to him simply as my partner, they had come in two cars, she had told me that she is divorced but he had told me nothing about himself and they had both been evasive about their relationship. When I put this together, I realised it very probably meant that they were having an affair. I was stunned that it had not dawned on me earlier and a number of aspects of the introductory talk became clear.

Tantra is totally honest. There is no reason to lie about anything and no reason to hurt an unknowing partner. There is every reason to be honest. It is all about what kind of energy you want to put out in the world. If you put out lies and dishonesty you will attract this back or something equivalent. This is not necessarily a moral standpoint, it is one of self-care and self-loving. Put into life what you would like back. Take care of yourself by giving what you yourself would wish to receive.

Of course the session could not work. This was what I had felt at the outset of our meeting when I felt that something was amiss.

How did I feel after they had left? It felt good not to have made a bad compromise. It felt good to have listened to my inner voice, but I felt a deep sadness about not being able to reach them. I felt sorrow for the woman who allowed this kind of “relating” to be a part of her life. He was so respectless towards her and she appeared to be so unaware of it. That hurt. My soul quietly reached out to her with the love that she should be getting and giving herself. As for him, I felt the pain of the helplessness behind the surface of arrogance he projected. He didn’t know better and he did not feel good inside. I did tell him as they were going that he was not ready for Tantra and that is true. It takes a readiness and usually the people coming to see me have this.

What is this readiness? It is a willingness and an openness to experience oneself in a new and very special way and in so doing, to want to begin to perceive life without the coloured lens we usually wear in our lives.

All it takes is this willingness, and when we are able to take away the lens a whole knew wondrous world opens up to us…..
….we see the clear sky on a cloudy day
….we hear the rain drops touching the leaves
….we feel the wind caressing our skin
….we taste the beauty of life itself in one moment,
in every small moment making each one feel like a lifetime of intensity and joy!

Namaste
Leandra

Thoughts on South Africa

On my last trip back from JHB to the KZN south coast I remembered something my friend Wolf had said on his very first trip through our South African country side after arriving at JHB airport. Perhaps you recall, I mentioned Wolf in my journal and said we would be hearing more from him…? Well what he said was: “The cows are so small here….” I asked what he meant and after thinking for a while, he said…” oh no, it’s the landscape that is so vast!” I had done this trip so many times and not noticed that. Remembering the fields in between the many villages along any German country road, I could recall how much larger the cows seemed to be. Looking at our huge open space – especially as one drives through the Free State – the cows seemed minute. There is this vast openness with seemingly nothing in it except space, much space and here and there some cows or an equally small tree and then later the strange looking table-top-mountains – beautiful space.

What does this tell us? Well that how something appears to one is all about perspective. I used to use the concept of perspective as a therapeutic tool in my art therapy work. Sometimes a client would have painted something and not been able to relate to it. I would then say something like this: “…what if you were to close in on your image…move closer to what you have painted, would you see more details…?” And then I would encourage the client to paint from a closer perspective. Invariably the details would appear. This could be done with any part of the painting, sometimes creating a number of details which and we could proceed by puzzling the pieces of information together.

There is of course the other way around too. Sometimes the client was too close to something and it created apprehension or fear. Or it was equally unclear exactly what it meant. I would then say: “…move further away, see what is below, above and to the left and right of what you have painted….what do you see then?” And I would encourage them to paint the bigger picture, the bigger perspective.

This simple method of questioning would literally put things into perspective. Too close and too far away can be confusing and finding the “right” perspective to understand things is so important. It is the same story with the glass half filled with water – it can be either half full or half empty, depending on how you perceive it. So the minute cows in the vast landscape are not really smaller than the cows of Germany, they only appear so in this specific landscape.

This brings to mind how South Africans talk about their country. So many of us tend to focus on what is not right, not working, the problems, the terrible stories they have to tell. And yet, there is another side – the side of all the wonderful positive things we have to be grateful for. This applies to our personal lives in the very same way. Try it! Think about all that you have instead of what you don’t have and focus on that. In Germany (as in any other countries) there are many, many things that are bad, things that people do not like and this includes terrible crimes as well as things that the German government is not getting right. But one difference I notice is that they, as a people, do not focus so much on the negative aspects of their country. It does actually make a difference to the general atmosphere as well as to personal experience.

I want to tell you about an experience I had during my trip to JHB at the end of my daughter’s 2 week holiday in South Africa. I met a lovely young fellow in the Drakensberg where I stayed over with my daughter and her boyfriend. Matthias Lause, a blond 26 year old German was on the last leg of his 9 month journey of his Tractor-World-Tour for CLASS CAREs, a welfare organisation collecting funds for children in Lesotho. He had spent a few days in Durban waiting for his tractor to arrive by boat and did a scuba diving course. On the course he met 3 guys from JHB who each told him horrific stories of murders and hijackings that they had heard about or personally experienced. They painted a very bleak picture of the big city.

I had gone to bed leaving my daughter and her boyfriend chatting with Matthias in the hotel bar and the next morning I found a very changed boyfriend. He was nervous. We were on our way to JHB where we wanted to spend a couple of days before their flight back to Germany. We intended on going to the theatre as well as visiting some other interesting places in JHB. He was remarking on how terrible JHB is and was actually quite anxious. My daughter, thank goodness, was more relaxed as they both told me what Matthias had related to them about the storied he had heard. The barman at the hotel also had his share to fill in on the picture and all of a sudden there was this fear in the air about JHB. It took me quite a while to put things into the picture again – into perspective in order for them to relax about the days we would spend in the city.

Yes, there is a lot to be afraid of as bad things are happening on a large scale. But there is also a lot to love about JHB. I love JHB for many reasons. To me, it is the city of the most integration, it holds the wealth of our country, the warm-heartedness, the multi-culture not only of black and white but also of English and Afrikaans and other cultures – very similar to the large cities like Berlin, Hamburg and Cologne in Germany. It is the city with the most culture ….and much, much more.

We need to think about what kind of energy we are putting out there when we focus on bad stuff. I am not saying that it should not be mentioned and certainly not suggesting sweeping these things under the carpet. On the contrary. It needs our attention and it is the quality of energy we give to this attention that I want to address. What I am suggesting is that it is equally important to focus on the positive things to tell about our lives - and our country. We need to learn that. Why? Well not simply to paint a good picture of the place we live and earn our livings in, but for ourselves, for our personal well being, for what we expect in life, for what we expect for our country.

It is all about energy….the energy we present, the energy we expose others to, the energy we hold within our hearts.

Many of you will have seen the movie “The Secret” and heard about the universal Law of Attraction. If you are able to understand that we all boil down to energy vibrating or resonating at frequencies we ourselves create (don’t believe me, look into Quantum Physics to learn more about this) you will understand that we create what we hold within ourselves, what we are giving out. Our output becomes our input. So this is actually a really important thing – to put out more of what we want to actually experience. As I said earlier, it is all a matter of perspective. No need to pretend the badness is not there…it is much more a matter of taking into account and focusing on the goodness that is in our lives. It is about expecting the best while giving our best, knowing that we create our experience of things to come.

On this note, I would like to mention something really wonderful I discovered in JHB. It is something everyone I know in JHB complains about – the traffic and the electrical failures! The occasion was a peak hour trip to the shopping mal in the rain and the traffic lights were not working. It was total madness….BUT, it worked like a dream - no traffic flow would have functioned in any of the big cities I visited in Germany in this manner. The drivers all put into place the rule for 4-way stop streets: first come, first to leave. Yes, it was slow but ALL the traffic lights I drove through functioned in this way. Traffic was slow moving, but it moved – quite unlike the jams I had encountered in a similar situation in Hamburg, Germany. Everyone drove into the middle of the cross road until no one could move at all until the traffic police arrived - and then it took a long time to get it all sorted out. Germany does not have the 4-way stop street thing. They did not know how to deal with the situation. The drivers were equally mad, equally in a rush, and equally aggressive and it showed.

In the situation I was in, I am sure that the drivers were swearing about both the traffic and the electrical problems of the city, but the traffic still flowed. I sat in my car in wondrous appreciation of our 4-way stop street training and how our drivers were able to cope.

Why am I writing all this? It touched me deeply to see the result of the horrific stories in my daughter's boyfriend. He felt uncomfortable, I felt uncomfortable, and so did my daughter. All we wanted was to have a good time in JHB and that seemed in jeopardy. I feel strongly about the country of my birth - and I do this having lived away for so long. I remember the deep longing to be home. And I am very aware of the fact that the grass is by no means greener on the other side. As a student I had fought for the change in South Africa and as an adult well on in my life, I feel a great sadness about the unending problems we are encountering presently. I am however deeply happy to be here. I find something here that helps me feel whole - be it the sunshine, the fact that when it rains it really does rain, the vast landscapes, the huge waves of the Indian Ocean or the wonderful warm, friendly, and happy people here. There is a happiness here that I only could perceive after living overseas for so long. I did not find this there, ever - and that is an honest statement.

To all of you out there, take some time to think about perspective. Go a little closer if you need more detail and a little further away if you want the bigger picture. And remember too that you attract into your life what you think, feel, and do. If you want more of something else, then you do really need to give and at the same time expect more of that in your life. And remember to send out the message of what you want to receive. You are like a magnet attracting to your life what you hold within yourself. I have known about this phenomenon for such a long time now - not just since The Secret movie. I've lived by this for many, many years and I know that it is true, that it works.

On a personal level, I am taking some time out to catch up planning and also on writing after so many very busy months of Tantra Sacred Massage work – although, I must say, students at the coast are keeping me busy too! I am using this month of October to plan the workshops that the School of Durga Tantra will be offering next year as well as some organisational work for the National Institute of Tantra South Africa. There are new and interesting developments which you will be hearing about soon.

Until then, I wish all of you a wonderful spring season, much joy and love...and connectedness to the Greater One I love to call Existence.

Namaste
Leandra

PS if you would like to visit the website of the Tractor-World-Tour go to http://www.tractor-world-tour.com/

Training has started

Just a quite note to say how thrilled I am that a number of students have taken on the Tantra Sacred Massage training process. This is joyous indeed and the work is progressing wonderfully. Up till now it is a number of men who have asked for training and for some of them it will be for their private use in their relationships. However some are interested in this healing work and some time in the future I will be able to announce on my website that certified Tantra Sacred Massage masseurs will be starting their work. So to all the women out there: in future you will also be able to work with a male coach. This is great as at some time along the path of the women coming to me for sessions it is necessary for the work to continue with the male energy present. The training for this work professionally is individual and the personal journey that the trainees are on will determine when they are ready.

There are a number of women interested in the training, however their journey to this work is slower. They are still busy considering, thinking about it and need this time to become clear. There seems to be more conditioning to overcome particularly here in South Africa. The stigma of being a "bad woman" is much stronger than in the case of males coming to this work - although they also have something similar to overcome, namely "what does this mean for my personal relationships, for my marriage?". I understand this fully. It is quite a step to take and requires a journey on the part of any partner too. Overcoming jealousy perhaps, or concern, or simply "what will our friends think?” In this way both partners will benefit by "riding the tantric tiger", by taking a journey into the unknown, by embracing changes and a deeper level of trust in their partners and what they share in life.

I am willing and interested in meeting the partners of trainees. I think this is important that they know who I am, hear something about the work and particularly the high ethics involved. I am happy to involve them to some degree in the training process and I hope some will make use of this.

So really, all I wanted to do is share my joy with you all about this development. And also my deep gratitude to Klaus Smeds, my trainer and director of the school in Germany where I trained, for opening up the possibility for those who undergo the training to receive an international certification.

I miss Klaus and his wife Barbara. I had intended doing the Lomi Lomi Neu training with Barbara this year some time during our winter. Changes in my life are preventing me from going to Germany this year. However, time is relative really, and when the time is right I will be able to go. In the mean time, there is so much to do here, so many seeking people coming to my work, to Tantra, to the massages and to Tantra coaching.

For this I am here. I feel this was always my destiny - if one can say that at all, as Existence leads us and I do not know where I will be led next. What I do know is that I grow with each person I see. I grow into the work, I grow personally, I grow in Spirit, and I grow in Love. There actually is no word for this feeling of gratitude and joy inside of me - it is simply there.

Namaste
Leandra